SONIC, YOU LITTLE TRAITOR
Sonic has had a long history of taking one step forward and two steps back. For every Sonic Rush there is a Sonic Unleashed (or even, god forbid, Sonic Unleashed Mobile).
And now, not long after at least making a move in the right direction, the little shit jumps on the Kinect bandwagon with Sonic Free Riders.
Look at him, dressed up like a sloaney twat on a ski slope in the Alps. And since when has Sonic needed a hoverboard? IGN gave it 7.5/10, so it’s obviously crap.
filed in ACTUAL GAMES, SEGA IN THE MODERN AGE on Nov.19, 2010
November 19th, 2010 on 1:13 pm
Posted by Terrier? Is it time for the lunatics to take over the asylum and smear excrement on the walls in jubilant celebration? I can send in some old sock photos with Sega consoles in the background if you like.
November 19th, 2010 on 1:48 pm
At last, someone else who understands how review scores work! 10 is a must buy, 9 means really very good, 8 means quite passable and 7 means possibly buy it for a pound when it’s in the reduced bin. I guess 7.5 means possibly shell out a fiver for it if you already have all the kinect bollocks and need to justify the expense?
November 19th, 2010 on 2:19 pm
I’m shocked their score’s as high as that.
I’ve seen other reviews around the 3/4 mark.
Sega must’ve ‘influenced’ them.
November 19th, 2010 on 2:20 pm
Nobody needs a hoverboard. Just like nobody needs the ability to imagine their boss naked.
November 19th, 2010 on 4:28 pm
“For every Sonic Rush there is a Sonic Unleashed”
It seems Terrier’s experience with Sonic games ends on reading reviews (or just looking at scores) on IGN.
November 19th, 2010 on 4:52 pm
I didn’t read the review. People read them?
November 19th, 2010 on 5:03 pm
You’d have preferred “For every Sonic 2, there’s a shitty Sonic Game Gear game”?
November 19th, 2010 on 7:06 pm
I’ll admit I have no idea which Sonic games are the good ones and which are poop. I don’t even mind the xbla version of Sonic 1, which will no doubt cause howls of derision from the hardcore obsessive types.
Any chance of a “For every Golden Axe, there’s a Golden Axe:Beast Riders” option?
Or “For every Outrun, there’s an Outrun Europa”?
November 19th, 2010 on 10:36 pm
Ah, Outrun Europa. Proof that the nostalgia of a six year old is not to be trusted.
November 19th, 2010 on 10:42 pm
For every Beach Spikers there is a Sega Rally Revolution
November 19th, 2010 on 11:21 pm
These non-Zorg updates just aren’t world-weary enough. Whilst reading a Zorg update I can imagine him trying to tie the noose with one hand whilst typing up an update with the other. There’s a chilling undercurrent of hope and effort in these new contributors, and that is most unsettling.
November 20th, 2010 on 9:26 am
This looks shit. One good thing about Kinect, though, is that hardware developers don’t have the option to churn out expensive and gaudy periphery masking the poor quality of their games. They will actually have to focus on that old chestnut known as making a computer game.
That said, if there’s one contender in the console market for giving consumers the royal shaft, then it’s Microsoft. I’m sure they’ll find a way.
My guess is that the next step is us all wearing those suits with ping-pong balls on them and dancing around in front of a blue screen, actually placing them in the game.
After all, blue-screen technology is extremely cheap and basic nowadays. Anyway, that’s ust what I think. I’m probably wrong. I still prefer a ‘joypad’ to any of this anyway, and I don’t care if I sound like an old fart.
November 20th, 2010 on 9:29 am
Let me just add to my last comment: They don’t have the option to churn out gaudy periphery after the initial novelty of the gaudy peripheriness of Kinect wears off. I mean stuff like balance boards, plastic tennis rackets etc…
November 20th, 2010 on 9:32 am
Oh yeah, and I meant software developers relying on extant hardware. That’s it for editing my initial rant.
November 20th, 2010 on 11:05 am
Did you not see this post, Weatherbox?
Nothing, literally nothing, will stop these money grabbing cunts from trying to sell crappy, overpriced and unnecessary peripherals to fucking idiots.
Sorry. Bit sweary this morning. Been going through potential Bitbroken posts and anger has risen as my faith in humanity has decreased.
I have to go into town later.
On a Saturday.
God help me.
There will be blood.
Or at the very least, a lot of lowgrade sarcasm and grumbling.
November 20th, 2010 on 12:26 pm
So can we all post our own shit here now? Nothing against any of the latest updates I just want to know if I can unload my own bitter disappointment here – this time with pictures.
Also, I think it’s only a typo, but thought of seeing Bulk Slash’s old sock photos has really got me fired up to see other commenter’s updates.
November 20th, 2010 on 2:04 pm
Do we get a cut of the profits if we submit our own updates? I’d consider contributing if there was £0.25 a quarter in it. On second thoughts, maybe not.
Interesting concept, the public blog. Comparatively interesting.
November 21st, 2010 on 10:15 am
Is this game any better than TrickStyle on the Dreamcast?
November 21st, 2010 on 11:15 am
Can someone do an update regarding the new batch of Nintendo DS adverts? Especially the Jedward one…makes me want to cry while stabbing myself in the japseye with a pencil.
November 21st, 2010 on 11:48 am
Gigerpunk, I thought that raft was for the Wii! Jesus, that shut me up pretty quickly. Still, if kids get bored of the game then at least they might be tempted to go down to the beach on a sunny day and paddle around in it, maybe even play army figures in it.
And yes, I second the Captain Whoops notion of ripping into Nintendo for hiring Jedward. I know that in life we should not always expect revenge, but I don’t think it’s too far of the mark to expect Jedward to be arse-raped in a borstal and then battered with a snooker ball in a sock.
November 21st, 2010 on 2:59 pm
I hereby third the public lynching of Jedward though sarcasm by whoever has the keys to this place now. Is there a rota?
I think Weatherbox’s suggestion sounds far too quick though, whilst possibly still being too cruel to do to what are, effectively, dumb animals.
I think some kind of education/dramatic intelligence increase is needed first for them to truly understand their own lack of worth and the pain they’ve put people through.
Something like Flowers for Algernon or that Simpsons episode where Homer removes the crayon from his brain, basically.
(I don’t even watch x-factor(they DID come from x-factor, didn’t they?), just the nintendo advert was enough for me.)
November 21st, 2010 on 8:06 pm
They should be locked in a tiny damp cell together and once every minute over a loud speaker a monotone voice says “To get out you must kill your brother”.
The irony being, once one of them dies the door doesn’t unlock and the message keeps repeating.
Live web feed hosted by Dermot O’Leary who is in a wheelchair for reasons best not to go in to. Every time the camera goes back to him he has a new injury. Once he can’t go on he’s silently replaced with that twat that presents Rude Tube.
Once everyone is dead the live feed continues switching automatically between the two rooms.
November 22nd, 2010 on 2:46 pm
“Can someone do an update regarding the new batch of Nintendo DS adverts?”
I hate the Terry Wogan one. It tests my fondness for the man to the absolute limit. He kind of suggests that it’s a better idea to buy a £115 console and a £20 game instead of a canvas, some paints and some paint brushes. It’s like the anti gravity sleds in Star Trek. What’s up with wheels? Sort of makes me hate him a bit.