1. 
   Captain Whoops said:
   November 29th, 2010 on 1:28 pm

   It’s an oldie but a goodie…the joke that is.

   Do you even get a fat bloke waving a flag in GT5? No…exactly

2. 
   Dick Socrates said:
   November 29th, 2010 on 1:47 pm

   I don’t know about the sub-par bit. Bland, uninteresting, yes. Apparently people want the to recreate the feeling of being in a car park on the outskirts of nowhere from the comfort of their own homes.

3. 
   Terrier said:
   November 29th, 2010 on 1:52 pm

   @Dick – perhaps it will do well with the dogging community?

4. 
   GigerPunk said:
   November 29th, 2010 on 4:02 pm

   Do all the cars have windscreen wipers? (Not being involved in the ‘dogging community’ I don’t know for sure but would imagine that’d be something you’d want to be certain was working?)

   If so, do you have to regularly change the wiper blades? and top up the washer bottles? and check the tyres? and oil? and mot? and insurance? and…and..and… etc etc et-bloody-cetera.

   That’s the problem with games like this, they get mixed up between escapism and realism and take “realistic” to be “as close to the tedium of real life as possible, regardless of whether it’s fun or not”. And then forget all about the escapism aspect.
   Like all the bloody commuting in rush hour traffic you had to do on gta4.

5. 
   Dick Socrates said:
   November 29th, 2010 on 4:54 pm

   Is the ‘dogging community’ like the gay community?

   “I’ve always knern I wuh different [bit of dialect for ‘flavour’]. I remember at school thinking ‘I don’t get all this fuss about girls, I’m only turned on by the thought of banging a complete stranger in an abandoned quarry, encircled by car headlights at full beam and cheered on by people I’ve never met before’.”

   And do people’s fantasies about cars involve all that tedious tweaking? Surely they just want to hop in an drive about, acting like a flash git.

   Aye, games w’bettah in our day. That said, the new Need for Speed looks good. I’ll wait for it to drop to £5, even if that literally takes years.

6. 
   Bulk Slash said:
   November 29th, 2010 on 5:29 pm

   @GigerPunk

   Only the 200 “premium” cars have an interior view with wiper blades, the other 800-odd are all just nicked straight from GT4 on the PS2 (and it shows).

   The used Silvia I bought has had the oil warning light on since I bought it. I’ve used it in about 6 races and the engine hasn’t exploded yet, so I presume this means GT5’s realism extends to having an oil warning light but not far enough for them to model engine damage. Presumably that’s one of the things they didn’t get around to finishing in the 6 years it took to make.

   Also, Jade Raymond has broken cover. Let’s see how long it takes for the perverts on the internet to scare her away from public interviews again. And by perverts on the internet I mean me.

7. 
   Weatherbox said:
   November 29th, 2010 on 8:09 pm

   Bulk Slash is right, but the Lamborghini’s are painstakingly rendered, and they handle just right (as far as I know never having driven one, but it just FEELS right).

   Overall though, it’s utterly bland and the textures look like something that wouldn’t have inspired you 10 years ago.

   Dirt II for the win!!! Fuck it, you can pick up Forza for about 8 quid now and it’s not much worse. Oh, and you don’t have to wait 45 minutes for a patch to play online either.

8. 
   bilal said:
   November 29th, 2010 on 8:27 pm

   It’s basically a ps2 emulator. Sorry 60gb owners, your machines aren’t so special anymore:

   http://nsa20.casimages.com/img/2010/11/25/101125112452175906.jpg

9. 
   LeeC22 said:
   November 30th, 2010 on 12:40 am

   Was playing about in photomode last night, thinking it might be vaguely interesting… and it was. This is a photo of one of those “takes 6 months to make” premium models… just imagine what they could have done in 8 months? Finish it perhaps?

   Photomode with a Premium Model

10. 
    Captain Whoops said:
    November 30th, 2010 on 9:40 am

    A few questions…

    Has GT5 got a 1982 997cc Austin Metro?
    Has GT5 got a 1989 1.3 MG Metro Turbo?

    If not then fuck it, you want realism you go get yourself an old Metro and drive it around a Sainsburys carpark after hours.

    Come to think of it fuck games in general.

    I’m in one of those moods…must be the latest batch of video game adverts with cunts waving their stupid limbs around in front of their tellies.

11. 
    GigerPunk said:
    November 30th, 2010 on 12:09 pm

    I want an original G-reg Morris Minor in blue where you have to book your braking a week in advance. Let’s see them accurately model the gearstick shaking violently at 70, the steering wheel at 80 and the whole dashboard at 90.
    And the ability to see the road whizzing past beneath you through all the little holes in the floor.
    Then I might be tempted.

12. 
    Mattbot said:
    November 30th, 2010 on 1:33 pm

    GT5 dream car list. Nice idea, mine’s a 1973 1.0 Austin Allegro in brown. Ooh and can I get a vinyl roof?

13. 
    GigerPunk said:
    November 30th, 2010 on 1:45 pm

    We seem to have inadvertantly wandered back to this moment again…
    Morris Minor’s the wrong shade of Blue and the Allegro’s not brown though. Still, not far off.
    Can I also add to the wishlist a blue Peugot 205 (non turbo) diesel with a 0-60 measurable with a calendar, a cassette player that sounds like it’s underwater and occasionally switches from cassette to radio at a deafening volume to keep you awake on long journeys and the ability to drive the length of the country on about 20 quids worth of fuel.

    I realise we could be getting quite specific now.

14. 
    Mattbot said:
    November 30th, 2010 on 3:50 pm

    OK then, how about an original Mini Clubman painted blue with gloss paint. The rear quarters should be so rusted that they flap in the wind at any speed above 45 mph causing the back doors to fly open. The engine mounts and stabiliser bar bushes must be completely shot, causing the exhaust manifold bracket to loosen and create a droning exhaust leak and a worrying crash in the engine bay upon any acceleration/deceleration.
    Finally the speedometer should read 12 mph at all times including when stationary.

15. 
    Captain Whoops said:
    November 30th, 2010 on 4:39 pm

    Another thing Polophony forgot to include (along with an actual game) is a Haynes manual for each car, proving once and for all that GT5 isn’t even a decent Car-Simulation.

    If they actually cared about giving people a realistic sim then surely this feature would have been included?

    My final words on the matter are “Vanity Project”

    My final word on the matter is “twats”

16. 
    Weatherbox said:
    November 30th, 2010 on 8:14 pm

    About 10 per cent of the cars handle well, all things considered – and let’s face it, this detail alone can make or break a racing game regardless of how fans were treated in the run-up. The rest of the cars have their physics subject to small variations on the aforemtnioned 10 per cent. This effectively means that after a small period of trial and error, players will limit themselves to about 10 per cent of what’s on offer.

    Oh yeah, and as for the diverse gaming potenatial that comes from driving an F1 car or a rally car, don’t even think about it. The insipid textures make every race feels the same whether you’re running a Daytona track with NASCAR vehicles or doing the Indy in F1 cars.

    It just always feels the same for a variety of reasons. There’s no madness to rally racing and F1 races never pick up enough speed.

    Overall verdict? The games just downright uninspired, and, well, just not fun.

    I only know this because my friend has a PS3, so don’t go ostracising me from the bitter ranks of UK:R.

17. 
    Weatherbox said:
    November 30th, 2010 on 8:18 pm

    I read that back and my typing is shit. Apologies as I know a lot of you are funny about that stuff.

18. 
    GigerPunk said:
    November 30th, 2010 on 8:27 pm

    Mattbot – Rear doors? You flash git.
    Weatherbox – Your friend has a PS3? Sure…
    Like any of us here have friends.

19. 
    phorenzik said:
    December 1st, 2010 on 11:36 am

    We’re not even ‘internet’ friends with each other on here!

20. 
    Bloomi Bolokov said:
    December 2nd, 2010 on 8:42 pm

    I get the feeling we’d cross entire world wide webs to avoid each other on the high street. Although we might shout ‘would’ or ‘wouldn’t’ at the inevitable female who must read this site. Just one, though.

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