Dear UK:Resistance,
I'm deeply in love with my boyfriend, but sometimes I think he loves his web site more than me! He even has a pet name for his computer - Carol - and sometimes he accidentally calls me Carol while we're making love. I've tried talking to him about it, but he says I should just post my complaints to his messageboard and try getting a Hotmail account to keep in touch. What can I do?
Yours,
Confused, London.

Dear Confused,
I think the problem may be that you're viewing each other at the wrong resolution. Try to take a good look at each other's drivers - are you really connected with the same protocol? Maybe you're both looking at different frames of life? Perhaps it's time to reconfigure the settings of your relationship? Try waiting a little longer before hitting the 'stop' button of your relationship, and maybe it would be a good idea for you both to start browsing other sites until you achieve search results that really do match 100%.
Yours helpfully,
UK:Resistance

Next week: Jon's forbidden gay love