We've been going for nearly two years now. Blimey. And what have we got to show for it? Slightly worse eyesight, extra bodyweight thanks to the inactivity, better typing skills, a thorough knowledge of html (but nothing too complicated), and of course, our incredibly comprehensive news archive system! Here's all the "stuff" we uploaded between about January and April of '98:

There will be a revelation in shops around the country on the 15th of April. Why? The May edition of Sega Saturn Magazine will have a CD on the front. But it's not a demo - it's the entire first disc of Panzer Dragoon Saga! That's like, the entire first disc. In its entirety. The first disc. All of it. Now that's cool. If you don't live in the UK, console yourself with the fact that we probably pay twice as much for everything than you do. And yes, it is raining right now.

(Note: Actually it's not raining, that was just a cunning ploy to make you all feel better. It's really quite unseasonably warm at the moment, which rather adds insult to injury for our foreign fans)

Now unofficially known as Employee of about every other week, or whenever we can be bothered, you'll be pleased to hear that we've 'done' another one.

The world is shaped by many things. One of the less influencial factors is the semi-regular UK:Resistance Most Wanted games list which, in the global scheme of things, is ranked alongside "dropping something on the floor" and "sitting down" in the importance stakes. Still, we've just put together another one - and there's nothing you can do to stop us. It shouldn't be too tough to guess what's included...

A new Saturn game? Is this some kind of joke? Nope, one of the Saturn games revealed at the Tokyo Game Show goes by the name of Millennium Fire and looks like some kind of cross between Tomb Raider and Virtua Cop, sporting some 3D shooting action. But it's kind of hard to tell. It looked like a Gun game anyway. We can't really bring you any more exclusive TGS news, but what we can give you is this rather bewildering picture of a man in a strange monster suit, pictured at the TGS. Miles better than any grainy game shots:

Image: 78 percent of all Japanese gamers dress like this in their spare time:

Update: Well, the first surprise is that Sega still have a UK release list, the second surprise is that we've updated our release date section.

Amazed: At least SOE aren't giving up the fight like those losers at SOA, there was a half page ad in the tabloid papers today promoting the forthcoming titles, Panzer saga, House of the Dead and Burning Rangers. Maybe SOE's new marketing manager is better than the last one.

No Show: The TGS (see recycled joke 1) is under way in Japan right now, and Sega seem to be employing their usual marketing strategy of not actually showing off anything interesting at all. No one's talking about the new system, or VF3 for that matter. There has been one of those 'secret' games unveiled for the Saturn though, an underwater caper called 'Deep Fear' which probably won`t be released outside of Japan anyway. Jon:21/03/98

Recycled joke 1: TGS stands for Tokyo Game Show, and shouldn't be confused with the Tokyo Gynaecologists Seminar which is taking place in a building further up the road.

Sigh: One of the best games around is X-Men vs Street Fighter on the Saturn. That's not in question, and only a fool would argue otherwise (or buy the PlayStation version instead). So why the sigh? Why the drooping head and look of despair in the UK:Resistance all-seeing eye? Well, it's been delayed. Originally due for a march/april release, X-Men v SF has slipped to the summer (optimistic) or the autumn (september-ish). Apparently, the delay's due to contract negotiations between Sega and Virgin, who are also keen to release the game. Maybe they're arguing over who's the worst at releasing games on time... M Bison:18/03/98

Idea: Hey Sega/Virgin people - why not use the extra time constructively by putting together a decent PAL version of the code? Unlike the PAL version of Marvel "Super" Heroes. Dream on...

Vote: Last year we actually managed to get nominated (the only 'gaming' site to do so) so lend us your support again by voting for us in the UK Yell Web Awards as 'Best Online Publication.' We won't win of course, because our site doesn't feature bundles of pointless Javascript/Shockwave/VRML/DHTML bollocks, but who cares, vote UK:R!

S-O-S: Here`s a public service broadcast on behalf of someone who owns a Netlink for his Saturn, but happens to live in the UK. Basically, he wants to know if there`s any other UK Netlink people out there he can actually play against? So if for some bizarre reason you bought one as well, stand up and be counted by sending him an e-mail (Please note: UK:Resistance does not encourage the buying of ill-advised, badly supported technology. Apart from the Saturn, obviously)

Retainer: Time for the (almost) weekly awarding of our Emplyoee of the Week feature.

Our survey says: Thanks to all of you who completed our reader survey recently, we've now been able to build up a psychological profile of our average reader, and here it is...

You visit every other day for the fantastic mix of news and comedy features from your free work access. You`re going to be keeping your lovely Saturn. You think Sega should send us more review copies of games, you like comedy and would like Bananarama to reform. You`ve owned a Saturn for, ooh ages and find the perfect graphics of our site load fairly fast. You`re all male except for one solitary female, you all like Employee of The Week and are in favour of a letters page. Cracker:10/03/98

We are in negotiations with Bananarama's agents as we speak...

Concede: Here are the latest market figures from the UK software sales market: PlayStation 68.9% of the market, Saturn 4.5% of the market. I think we're out-numbered, shall we surrender?

Okay, I give up, I give up. You win.
No way! I'll take you on. I'll take you all on!

Proper news: Hey, this is interesting. Apparently, Burning Rangers features some kind of semi-random level generator which slightly changes the layout of the levels each time the game is completed and restarted. It's not completely random, and it's not a massive redesign taking place every time (new doorways and corridors become accessible), but our 'sources' reckon there's somewhere in the region of 3,000 possible layouts! And unless we're very much mistaken, that should make Burning Rangers "the kind of thrilling game you'll come back to again and again!"

Breakdown: You've probably read about Sega's $100 million budget for the European launch of the new console. Well, we have now obtained exclusive details about how this cash will be used, broken down by Sega Europe's "top" executives:

Sega Europe's $100 million budget plans:

Plan Men in hedgehog suits Pies Pornography Lap-dancers "Research" holidays to Japan Launch party (BK "Happy Meals" for six) New "Katana" headed office stationery Advertising PR

Budget $50m $20m $10m $10m $5m $27.95 $4,999,972.05 N/A N/A

Sarah's sister?: Apparently, some of you only come here to read Employee of the Week. So we`d better upload another one.

Jerky: Far be it for us to criticise the 'editorial' content of other web sites, but anyone who describes the House of the Dead demo as "stunning" must either be wearing rose-tinted spectacles, or suffering from some severe brain disorder. Packing the demo with the awesome (and over two-years-old) Virtua Cop just goes to highlight the problems with Saturn HotD - lo-res textures, jerky scrolling and major glitchiness just for starters. We predict a disappointment of near Touring Car proportions when the finished game appears. Gary:27/02/98

House of the Dead: shooting zombies in the head is fun, though

Flood: Well, would you believe it. News now reaches us of another third-party game receiving a UK release - Atari Greatest Hits. This compilation (featuring Super Breakout, Missile Command, Asteroids, Centipede and Battlezone) will be coming out through GT Interactive, and should be released in the UK around the end of March.

Malnourished Kitten Police: After our shock revealing of Treasure's incredibly-named new game Radiant Silvergun, we thought we'd give you all a chance to join in the fun and create your very own Treasure game title, just like Treasure do! Choose any word from the first column, any word from the second column and any word from the third column to have some Treasure-related game name fun!

Treasure "Create-a-Name" chart (© UK:Resistance, 1998):

Emerald Tokyo Golden Translucent Dancing Hyper Nuclear Nomadic

Gun War Rave Pump Whizz Acid Trip Goat

Police Hammers Raiders People Farmers Attack Goddess Herders

Please note: If your browser can't display tables, you've just missed a Real Video hardcore pornography session featuring Jon, Gary, All Saints and a selection of farmyard animals. Isn't that right everyone?

More games: Amazingly, three Saturn third-party games are still lined-up for release in the UK. First up is GT Interactive, who will be releasing the Saturn conversion of the once famous Bitmap Brothers' Z, which is looking really great, despite hideous loading times. Looking rather less great is Chill. Another snowboarding game, this one's being released by Silicon Dreams themselves, the coders of the actual game. Looking better than both of them, though, is World League Soccer '98, also coded by Silicon Dreams. This amazing footy game is being released through Sega, and should be out, oh, in a few months or so.

AM too: Here's something cool. Apparently, Sega will be running a similar development strategy for arcade games as they did with the Saturn-friendly ST-V board - an arcade version of the new console's hardware will be available to developers, easing the production of arcade and home games, and also providing us an early view of the new machine's capabilities. Look out for non-Model 3 Sega and third party games appearing as early as this summer! Capcom games should provide the most interest...

Better now: If you had to compile a list of the top ten coolest game names of all-time, chances are that Treasure would hold most of the top spots. Games like Gunstar Heroes, Dynamite Headdy, Alien Soldier and Guardian Heroes all sound amazing, so how can Treasure top this with their latest Saturn game? How does Radiant Silvergun sound? Bloody awesome, that's how! No gameplay details of Treasure's latest game have emerged yet, but with a name like that it's a must-have.

Respect: If you're wondering why we haven't updated the site for ages, it's because the Queen declared a week-long public holiday in the UK, specifically outlawing "the updating of games-related web sites" during the seven-day period. And we've both got headaches. Notes from our mums can be sent by email, if requested.

Employees of the Weak: Enjoy this week's Employee of the Week, the photo-shoot took ages!

Name game: According to Channel 4's Digitiser pages today, Sega are definitely not calling the new console either Dural or Katana. There's apparently lots of top level worldwide discussions going on to think up a suitable name, so we`ll be passing on all those awful names we asked you to think up several months ago, so, you never know, it may end up being called the 'Black Cheese' after all. Jon: 09/02/97

Name game 2: I still think that 'Black Box' is the grooviest candidate. Gary: 09/02/97

Blue action: The list of games due to appear at the next Tokyo Game Show (20th to 22nd of March) contains two interesting anomalies:

Anomaly one: Sonic the Fighters is due to appear on the Saturn
Anomaly two: Warp's D2 is due to appear... on what, exactly?

Whether Sonic the Fighters will get a UK release (assuming is exists) is up for debate, as Sega Europe's release schedule for Autumn '98 doesn't exist. Is it possible Sega might actually stop releasing games in the UK after the summer? Will Shining Force III be the last UK Saturn game? Will anyone notice?

Disappearing act: Anyone seen Lobotomy lately? Their website seems to have gone, and rumours are circulating on their whereabouts. Maybe they've decided to quit at the top after winning two 'Redstar' awards recently, which will surely be the pinnacle of their careers. Then again, maybe they just got bored doing a website.

More power: Way back in 1968, we managed to secure an exclusive interview with actor Leonard Nimoy. He was in the country to promote the then UK debut of his new TV show 'Star Trek', which was launched on our screens in 1968. As we approach the thirtieth anniversary of Leonard's predictions, we though we'd reproduce Leonard's original visions contained in Leonard Nimoy's UK:Resistance 2000. But remember, the world was a very different place thirty years ago...

Questions: Ooh, haven't you grown! It's been over a year since we did our last Reader Survey, so in a cunning attempt to find out more about you, our loyal readers, we present the 1998 UK:Resistance Reader Survey. And yes, completion is compulsory. Gary:30/01/98

Relief: Just in case you're all excited after the arcade news, here's something to help you work out some of that tension - Employee of the Week

Mud flaps: The 80% complete version of Sega Rally 2 was indeed at the ATEI show yesterday, and yes, our flaps got well and truly moist at the sight. The cars were the biggest improvement - they look real. Not just a bit better, but full-on realistic models of real vehicles, which get dirty as the race progresses. It's a shame to get 'em muddy though, as the reflection effect on the shiny clean cars is awesome - it's not just a 'scrolling clouds' on the glass effect either, it actually reflects genuine shapes and features of the scenery you're racing past. There are six default cars (Peugeot 305, Stratos, Escort, Mitsubishi Lancer, Toyota Something-or-other and a Subaru) and four tracks (Desert-ish, Forest-ish, Snowy and City), but we're not sure if those four tracks are the 'three plus one bonus' or if there's another track hidden in there too.

The classic Rally playability was great as well. Like we needed to tell you that. Virtually every corner needed some opposite-lock powersliding skills, the steering feedback was the best we've used, and there was indeed a hand-brake on the cabinet - but it didn't seem to be activated. Still, it was an incredible game, and managed to make Le Mans 24 look completely rubbish and antique.

Image: "Those" Sega Rally 2 pictures. Made Game-Online almost worth reading...

Sega's Harley Davidson game was was there, and was... cool, if a tad difficult to control for us four-wheelers. The 'go anywhere' gameplay gave it a great (original... if you ignore Konami's GTI Club) feel, and doing a u-turn across an eight-lane freeway then dodging through the oncoming traffic was just as enjoyable as anything in Rally 2. And watching an old, fat Norwegian businessman having a 'mid-life crisis' while riding a pretend Harley was a highlight of the show.

Marvel v Capcom looked good too. It seems to have two character select screens - one for your first-choice traditional fighter, and a second one that randomly picks the player's second fighter from the 'zany' collection of B-list Capcom characters. The final boss is 'Onslaught' and Venom looked hard. Didn't play it though.

Also there was Namco's Time Crisis 2. No really. It hasn't even been officially announced by Namco yet, so hopefully this'll be the first time you've heard about it. The two-player mode was the highlight - using two separate screens, with each player visibly ducking and shooting on the other player's screen, allowing for plenty of "Cover me, I'm going in" moments. It looked virtually finished too. Didn't play it though.

The Get Bass! game provided some distraction as well, but only because of the girls showing people how it worked. Didn't play it, but I stood and watched for a while...

Desist: It's been brought to our attention that super-crap 58% rated football game FIFA '98 is currently at number three in the Saturn sales chart. Why is this? I thought you Saturn-owning people were supposed to be clever, informed and 'diehard' gamers. Spending forty quid on a sack of useless shite that masquerades as 'entertainment' does not seem to comply with the actions of an intelligent 'diehard' gamer.

UK Saturn Sales Top Five:

1. Steep Slope Sliders
2. Marvel Super Heroes
3. FIFA '98
4. Alien Trilogy
5. Bust-a-Move 3

We'll look at the chart again next week, and FIFA '98 had better not be there. Or there will be trouble.

Arcade: Please allow us to introduce you all to our friend Brian. Brian lives in a house full of arcade machines, and he's a big fan of Saturn stuff too. And guess what? He's put together this lovely guide containing everything you could possibly need to know about wiring your Saturn into a proper arcade cabinet. Concentrate at the back, please. Gary: 26/01/98

Wednesday: This isn't really news, it's more a warning about some impending news. On Wednesday there's an arcade show (ATEI) being held in London. There are two things you should know about this show: thing one - Sega Rally 2 will be there (its first official public appearance in the whole world), and thing two - we'll be there to play it. Now if this sounds like a boast, that's because it is, but it does also mean that we'll be able to tell you about it on Wednesday. So tune-in on Wednesday. Or maybe Thursday. Gary: 26/01/98

Petty: Dave Zyrdko, the webmaster of 'Dave's Sega-Saturn page' (his name's cunningly hidden in the title) has had an interesting week. He's landed a job with SOA haters Working Designs, and is handing over the running of his site to his brother, the bad news though, is that Sega have had a right old whinge about his domain name containing the word 'Sega' and he's been forced to change it. Furthermore, any other site using the word 'Sega' in the title will have to replace it with the word 'Flange' by the end of the week, or face legal proceedings. Jon: 25/01/98

Retirement: It was a bit of a rush-job, but we've finally got around to having a collection to buy this nice leaving present and card for all of the 'redundant' former Sega workers from both Sega Europe and Sega of America. Gary: 23/01/97

Calm down: Sorry about the rather 'slack' updates. Here's a little leaving present for the 15 or so Sega UK employees who were laid-off this week - another Employee of the Week. We'll have a whip-round for you all later.

Oh dear, isn't it sad when you laugh at your own jokes? That 'Treasure Create-a-name' chart still amuses me. And the leaving present for Sega employees is another favourite. Thank goodness for hallucinogenic drugs, that's all I can say. Go back to the main page and see if we've managed to think up any new stuff.