This is an "Xbox 360 Brand Film"!
In it, people popular with youths -- or people Microsoft thinks are popular with youths -- read scripted segments of dialogue about how Xbox 360 lets you "watch your photos of b-boys and breakers, and also your honeys" (ACTUAL QUOTE!).
Here are a few grabs of the "Xbox 360 Brand Film". Download the whole movie at the bottom:
We're not going to rip the piss out of this break-dancing, DJ-scratching, pikey-movie too much -- it really would be too easy. Maybe we'll do a proper piss-ripping update in a year or two, once the Xbox 360 launch heat's died down a bit.
Here, a man talks about Xbox 360. For some reason, there's another man break-dancing in the background. Is this what teenagers do these days?
This man is a skateboarder. He calls Xbox 360 a playground.
This is jail-bait MC Lady Sovereign saying "I'm well excited man, yeah" (those were her ACTUAL WORDS!). She also says "I like racing games and beat em ups". This is so urban.
Then a youth starts break-dancing in front of an Xbox 360 logo, as some scratching DJ plays a track that goes "Yo, yo, y-y-yo" over the top. It's like an Ali G rip-off!
This man, Tim Watkins, says putting stickers on his Xbox 360 symbolises "human energy". Which is an amazing coincidence, as "human energy" was also one of Microsoft's key marketing phrases it outlined at the Xbox 360 unveiling at E3!
This is pro footballer Shaun Wright-Philips deadpanning "The Xbox 360 is all about control" (those were his ACTUAL WORDS.)
Then there's loads more skateboarding, with the camera zooming in and out really quickly. Teenagers love all that shit!
"When I go away with England and with Chelsea we normally just carry them, we put them in our bags, and we're on it for a couple of hours" OBVIOUSLY LIES Shaun Wright-Philips while playing FIFA 06 on Xbox 1!
This is someone else break-dancing in front of an Xbox 360 logo. Youth culture is now totally bewildering to us. And, we suspect, to whoever made this film.
Our "main job" involves sometimes having to look people from Microsoft in the eyes. It's going to be hard after seeing this :(
Download the WORST FILM EVER here [2.9MB WMV file].DOWNLOAD ADVICE:
This is a big file, which will probably break the web site if everyone downloads it all now in the next five minutes. So we suggest people with surnames starting with the letters A to K download it today, and people with surnames from L to Z download it tomorrow.
Also, if you're in an office, maybe only one person could download it and make everyone gather round, instead of everyone downloading it individually? It would really help. And can all people from America wait until the weekend, please? It's very "UK urban" and you won't really understand if it's serious or a joke, like everything we do. Thank you.