Entries in the ‘ENTHUSIASM’ Category:

MOBILE PHONE GAMES MIGHT BE ABOUT TO GET A LOT BETTER

Thanks, obviously, to the arrival of SEGA games and the input of SEGA-affiliated developers. The efforts of which could even make PlayStation3 look half-decent. That’s our ‘angle’ at least.

Project Gotham Racing on mobile phone Project Gotham Racing on mobile phone

Like Project Gotham Racing Mobile, which is coming soon. It excitingly embraces the thrilling communication device medium by letting you download ghost cars of other racers and upload your own. The kids will go mad for that, at least they will when they’re not exchanging weird smiley faces and photos of their genitals on MySpace.

Project Gotham Racing on mobile phone Project Gotham Racing on mobile phone

It’s got corners and straights, plus words that come up on the screen to reaffirm what you’re doing. That one on the right is a bit of London!

Project Gotham Racing on mobile phone Project Gotham Racing on mobile phone

Not sure where that one on the left is. It looks like a bit of France stuck in a bit of America. Perhaps it is. The thing on the right is the ‘box’, not that downloadable mobile games really come in boxes, so they wasted their time putting that together. We wonder if Richard Jacques, our best MySpace friend had anything to do with the sound?

Sonic 1 on mobile

Then there’s the KING OF THE WORLD. Sonic’s been out for a while – but it’s SONIC. Its one-button style actually works on a mobile, and it’s always – literally always – a joy to play Sonic 1 again and relive (a) youth, and (b) Sonic not being in 3D and shit.

Sonic 1 on mobile

Games won’t ever be this good again. All you’re getting from now on is war and ‘sandbox’ crime games. That’s it. It’s your own stupid faults. We’re not getting another Space Channel 5 because everyone else decided they’d rather baseball bat prostitutes to death instead. Thanks, cruel, miserable world.

ChuChu Rocket on mobile and looking alright

There’s also ChuChu Rocket. Arguing with games of this quality is pointless. You can try, but you’d look really stupid and like you were arguing with a telephone.

Super Monkey Ball Tip 'n Tilt Super Monkey Ball Tip 'n Tilt

And Super Monkey Ball Tip ‘n Tilt. Which, ironically, has seen the makers take a perfectly good 3D game and make it 2D. Like what’s happened to Sonic recently only in reverse.

Super Monkey Ball Tip 'n Tilt Super Monkey Ball Tip 'n Tilt

If only SEGA would still take risks on exciting new ideas like Monkey Ball. It wouldn’t get made today, would it? Poor old Nagoshi-san would get told to go back to his little office and have a more commercial idea, preferably one to do with earning ‘turf’ and ‘respect’ in a city environment.

Super Monkey Ball Tip 'n Tilt Super Monkey Ball Tip 'n Tilt

You can try out java versions of all these mobile games for free here. There’s also one called Sexy Babes Wild Waterslides which we have requested a full version of for review.

Comments (10)

LUMINES LIVE – NEW DOWNLOADS MAKE IT EVEN BETTER

Here’s a rubbish update about something being good:

Next Wednesday’s Xbox Live Arcade download is something good for a change – new skins and modes for Lumines Live. They look pretty. Look. We’ve done something about them they’re so pretty:

Lumines Live

We nearly did something about Lumines Live when it came out – but sensationally didn’t.

Lumines Live

We should’ve, as it’s a very, very good game, just like Lumines. It’s ruined by the Xbox 360’s rubbish d-pad quite a bit and is all jerky online, but is still very good if you play it obsessively to score a high score and don’t mind that it resets the scoreboards every week.

Lumines Live

And we played it for 50 hours more than we played Gears of War, so all the cocks who moaned about it being too expensive are incredibly wrong. In total, Lumines Live costs less than half the price of a ‘normal’ game. Yet it is better. That’s not a rip-off in the slightest, it was just badly organised.

Lumines Live

Now there are more bits to download, some of which are free, some of which are only 100 points for the time being which is practically free. So there. This sounds like a press release, but we felt an urge to redress the balance and ‘do something’ about Lumines Live, seeing as it’s great.

Comments (5)

CARD FIGHTERS CLASH – NOW ON DS

This is a memorial update on behalf of the amazing little Neo Geo Pocket Color. It was the best gaming handheld, not just at the time but even now. We sometimes get it out of its drawer just to have a look and a feel.

Neo Geo Pocket Colour
It had a glorious d-pad, loads of great games, REALLY NICE plastic game boxes featuring poorly translated text and typos, a very alright original Sonic (2D), a lovely and very cute Japlish menu screen system and…

…SNK Vs Capcom Card Fighters Clash.

SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS

Now there’s a new version of it for the DS. Card Fighters Clash wasn’t the sort of game we liked, but we still played it. It just had that ‘sort of thing’ about it.

SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS

We didn’t really understand how it worked either, but we still played it.

SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS

Now there’s this DS version. It will probably be awesome and ‘go large’.

SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS

These are some screenshots of it we’ve just been sent thanks to our unbeatable PR contacts and world-renowned news-breaking reputation.

SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS

There are three more…

SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS

Two more…

SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS

One more…

SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS

And a logo…

SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS

There. It’s actually called SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS, and that’s their use of capital letters not ours.

THE STUFF ABOUT IT FROM THE PEOPLE RELEASING IT:

Ignition Entertainment is Pleased to Announce the European Release of SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS for the Nintendo DS

The excitement of card battles has gone digital and interactive.

12th Jan ’07

For the first time ever on Nintendo DS, two videogame powerhouses join together in a colossal game for the small screen.

Go head to head and battle with your favourite game characters from SNK and Capcom.

Choose your character and prepare to enter the Card Battle Tournament. Beat each opponent using your character’s fighting strategies to win bouts and earn money and in some cases, receive new cards that can be used to upgrade your deck.

Collect over 300 different cards to customise five separate decks, and take on all challengers as you fight your way to the top of ‘Card Tower’.

Trade duplicated cards by using the Recycle machine or stop by the shops to get new cards.

For the ultimate game, challenge a friend or trade cards via the two-player link mode.

‘SNK’s card battling series has been updated for a new generation of gamers’ says Peter Rollinson, product Manager, Ignition Entertainment ‘mixing characters from two of the arcades biggest names only adds to what is a truly fun and exciting game of tactics and skill’

Your Destiny Is In the Cards!

Key Features:

* Use card packs containing your favourite characters from some of SNK’s and Capcom’s biggest franchises.

* Over 300 different cards to use, collect and trade

* Use strategic card arrangements to win

* Know your characters and their special abilities and combine them for added value and strength

* Challenge a friend with the Wireless Head to Head Combat Mode

* Unique game play elements utilising the Touch Screen technology

For further information please visit: www.ignitionent.com/cardfighters

Distributed by Atari in UK, France, Germany, Italy and the Nordic countries, SNK Vs Capcom Card Fighter DS will be available Spring ’07 for the Nintendo DS

Comments (4)

PSP CRAZY TAXI: GOOD OR BAD?

We are currently unable to offer any official guidance on what to think and say at this point in time.

PSP Crazy Taxi :)

Obviously it’s good because it’s Crazy Taxi.

PSP Crazy Taxi :(

But, you know, we’re maybe just a little bit bored of playing Crazy Taxi now. Is that a wrong thing to admit on the internet?

PSP Crazy Taxi :(

And it’s on PSP. It’s not exactly going to help PSP’s reputation as the machine that only has remakes of old games.

PSP Crazy Taxi :)

But it’s more Crazy Taxi! And it looks about as good as the Dreamcast one did!

PSP Crazy Taxi :(

But how many times can you enjoy doing the same tasks in the same city?

PSP Crazy Taxi :|

But it’s CRAZY TAXI. We just don’t know any more.

The Fare Frenzy Returns With SEGA’s Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars For The PSP System

All-New Multiplayer Modes and Features for Cabbies on the Go

LONDON & SAN FRANCISCO (January 11, 2007) – SEGA Europe Ltd. and SEGA of America, Inc. today announced Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars coming exclusively to the PSP(r) (PlayStationPortable) system. All-new twists have been included in the classic Crazy Taxi experience including for the first time, multiplayer modes that allow two people to play cooperatively or competitively. Now gamers can relive the addictive, action packed gameplay of the original Dreamcast games, Crazy Taxi and Crazy Taxi 2, on the go. Hang up those fuzzy dice and register for a cabbie license this Summer with Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars developed by Sniper Studios.

Only skilled cabbies need apply for Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars, where drivers need to be more aggressive than ever to earn the big money by speeding fares to their destination, no matter what the obstacles. Brand new multiplayer gameplay features provide endless entertainment, players can steal passengers from other cabbies by bumping their opponent’s car creating chaotic competition on the road! Navigating through traffic, hills, and obstacles isn’t easy, so it takes a skilled cabbie with no fear to earn the big bucks. Players can drive through the two original maps of Crazy Taxi, the arcade map and the original Dreamcast map, both inspired by the steep hills, trademark cable cars, and breezy waterfront of San Francisco. Then they’ll head for the Small Apple maps in Crazy Taxi 2, which is inspired by New York’s large building fronts, hectic downtown streets, and the city’s famous Central Park and subway system.

“We’ve often thought that the sublime playability of our Crazy Taxi franchise was perfectly suited to the PSP format. Now with new gameplay features and including superb multiplayer modes we’re really confident that gamers will agree” commented Matt Woodley, Creative Director SEGA Europe. “The heady mix of competitive gameplay and vibrant graphics makes this a winner, in my humble opinion!”

Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars offers cabbies several single player modes including the mission-based Arcade mode, where skilled drivers earn time bonuses, and Time Trial mode where drivers collect the highest fares possible in the time allowed. In addition, for cabbies to practice their crazy driving skills, two mini-game training modes are available. They include Crazy Box, a collection of 16 original Crazy Taxi mini-games and Crazy Pyramid, mini-games arranged in a pyramid that drivers must complete to unlock more mini-games from Crazy Taxi 2.

Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars introduces new multiplayer modes for two cabbies to collaborate or compete wirelessly via Ad Hoc. Drivers can also record and save gameplay replays of their driving performance in Crazy Taxi 2 on the PSP system’s memory stick to replay and show off.

Get ready for the return of a classic favorite next Summer 2007 with Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars for the PSP system. For screenshots and assets, please visit the SEGA press site at www.sega-press.com.

Comments (12)

ANOTHER GOOD THING ABOUT VF5

Real-time feminine sweat mapping:

VF5 plus baby oil

A screenshot of wet tits is worth a 1000 words. And is worth 10,000 screenshots and words about Resistance: Fall of Man.

Comments (7)

HOW GAMES ARE MEANT TO BE, COURTESY OF VF5

Stick this up your manual, Need for Speed:

VF5 - ULTRAHARDCOREGAMENSPIELEN

If you can’t handle this sort of thing, buy a Wii and sit down at the back of the room with the fat kids, the elderly and the disabled.

Comments (21)

THERE IS ONLY ONE GAME OF 2006

And it is Animal Crossing Wild World. Any web sites that do a top 20 or a top 50 are just going through the motions. There’s not even any point doing a top ten or a top five. The other nine or four would be meaningless filler. We could pretend we like some other shit half as much as DS Animal Crossing, but you’d be able to tell. And we’ve been through too much together to start lying to each other now.

Animal Crossing Wild World: Game of any year, but particularly of 2006

We were playing Animal Crossing when other people started playing it. We were playing it when those people then stopped playing it a few weeks later after not seeing what the fuss was about.

We were still playing it when those people started playing it again to see if they could work out why we were still playing it after a year.

We played it this morning and will play it again this evening. For reasons to do with turnips you probably won’t understand. We have played it every day since last December – apart from, maybe, three or four days. That’s not a stupid internet exaggeration either – you don’t get an insect collection of this magnitude by only playing for a couple of minutes every now and again.

These are some of the hybrid flowers we have bred in the last year. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

This is a bit more of the iceberg, but still only the top part of it. We have THAT MANY hybrid flowers. This is not gay because it’s only in a video game. Video games are not gay. Even ones that involve breeding and caring for flowers.

This is how much money we have in the bank. In Animal Crossing we are independently wealthy.

That’s why gold-digging sluts like Marina live in our low-carbon-emitting super-town.

This is the main room of our massive house, or the Bridge as we call it. We have put on our Wesley Crusher uniform to show it off to its fullest potential. See that photo of KK Slider? You have to do the gaming equivalent of crawling 500 miles on broken glass using only your eyelid muscles to get that.

And there’s still loads to do, even after a year. We haven’t even seen let alone shot down Postman Pete thanks to his stupid anti-social working hours. We only have one of Gulliver’s UFO items, the Modern furniture series is far from complete, and we’re only half-way to Platinum membership of Tom Nook’s Reward Scheme.

This is when the flying saucer crashed in our town. It was such an amazing event we had to take a photo of the screen. When has a game ever been so amazing you’ve had to take a photo of the screen to keep as a memento? NEVER BEFORE, that’s when.

And Katie still hasn’t sent us the Lovely Phone to put in the Lovely Room.

You know you’re special when you get RARE ALTERNATE DIALOGUE sequences with one of the major characters.

We’d prefer it to contain a few more moments of double entendre, but there are still just about enough to make it worth ‘following through’ with.

This is how to make a snowman. This is mainly for our reference so that next year we can start off properly without the tiresome learning process of working out what size the balls need to be.

See? He loves it.

It’s nice that he’s a misogynistic snowman. We know full well that the snowmen come alive when the game is turned off and start harassing the female town inhabitants.

Got all those.

Got all those.

Got loads of these.

We left these acorns on the floor as a reminder of the good times had by all during the October Acorn Festival. Roll on October 2007!

Come back next year. We’ll still be playing it. It’s that good. And if you don’t get it you can bugger off back to playing games about men shouting “HOLY SHIT” and shooting machine guns at each other with all the other 14-year-old morons.

The problem with giving Animal Crossing Wild World a number out of ten and placing it in the all-time lists is this – it’s not much of a game. It doesn’t test your skills. It’s not like playing Quake III at the absolute limits of your gaming skills for hours on end. It’s not like mastering Gradius V. It’s not like getting to the last boss of Raiden on one credit or completing Hellfire using a third-party controller.

It’s more like keeping a diary, or remembering to have breakfast.

Animal Crossing is just a simple little thing you have and do every day. It’s like your kettle. It’s not as exciting as your new LCD TV or your Sky+ box. It’s simple, but you’d be fucked without it.

Animal Crossing Wild World: “Simple, but you’d be fucked without it” – 10/10, UK:Resistance Game of the Year By A Mile. Here’s a review we wrote of it at the time and never got around to uploading.

A FREE PUBLIC SERVICE REVIEW OF ANIMAL CROSSING WILD WORLD FOR NINTENDO DS
This is a public service review. We don’t often write reviews on the site for free, because they’re a lot of words and a bit of a chore and then everyone disagrees with everything you say and calls you a cunt afterwards. But sometimes you have to tell people about a game because it’s so great. Writing about good games for free is more fun than writing about shit games for money (not actually true, but sounds nice). This is one of those important times!

ANIMAL CROSSING WILD WORLD REVIEW
For Nintendo DS

Animal Crossing isn’t a game. It’s a career. A vocation, a mini alternative life. You could educate a child with it and it would turn out OK. It teaches you everything you need to know about the real world. It teaches you the importance of money, shows you the true value of patience, punishes you for lying, and when characters move out of your town it’s an important lesson about the harsh realities of bereavement in adult life. Freckles is gone, Timothy, she’s gone to another town very far away and she’s never coming back.

It’s not a game, it’s a job. You HAVE to collect your fruit to begin with, else you can’t afford the cool furniture. You HAVE to keep fishing, else you might miss a rare fish. You HAVE to collect all the fossils, fish and insects because something cool might happen when you do. Animal Crossing uses an enhanced version of the COLLECTEVERYTHING(TM) engine that Nintendogs used. It makes chores into games, giving you incentives to spend hours and hours doing nothing in the hope of finding one rare little thing no one else has got.

When we bought it we played it for an hour and a half in bed in the morning, we played it for an hour and a half in the afternoon, we played it for an hour and a half in the evening, then for an hour an a half in bed before going to bed. If anything that’s an underestimate, because starting to play Animal Crossing is like stepping into a time machine where suddenly it’s a huge amount of time in the future when you turn it off and look at the clock.

That’s another reason why it’s great. You can use it to fast forward your boring life. So anyway, we played it for six hours a day (minimum) for the first few weeks of having it. Some of those six-hour periods were spent fishing. Just fishing. Fishing, then running to the shop to sell them, or to the Museum to donate any rare ones we caught. The game keeps a list of all the fish you’ve caught, which is one of numerous mini, incidental challenges you have to complete. In your own time and whenever you like. We’re now down to about three 15-minute periods of play a day, which is much more manageable.

Animal Crossing really suits the handheld. You can play it for ten minutes in the morning, a bit at lunch time and switch it on in the evening for a proper play. It’s why Wild World is such a perfect game. We do all our farming/shopping chores in the morning on the train to work instead of reading about war in a newspaper, then spend the evening having fun instead of watching war on the news. And wi-fi play lets you do it all in another town, with the added excitement of random router crashes to keep everyone on edge. It’s the perfect game and it suits DS to a tee. 10/10, again.

ABOUT THE ABOVE REVIEW:
We’re releasing this review under the GNU Free Documentation License, so if you want to run a review of Animal Crossing Wild World on your web site, blog or student magazine, feel free to use this copy and put your name on it. It’s free for everyone to reproduce! We’re doing this out of love.

WHAT SCORE TO GIVE IT:
If your web site, blog or magazine scores games out of 5 give it 5/5. If you score things out of 10 give it 10/10. If you use the archaic percentage system give it 97 percent because anything more than that makes you look stupid like those American magazines who give games 100 percent. Nothing’s ever 100 percent you pricks.

Comments (30)

VIRTUA FIGHTER 5 IS COMING TO XBOX 360

And the above fact is this – OFFICIAL. Scroll down and read the press release. It’s all in there, plus it’s arriving on Xbox 360 in “late summer” which means PS3’s Reason To Exist List has just got massively shorter – ie, it’s gone from having one game on it to having no games on it.

VF5 - Not just on PS3 any more!

While VF5 coming to Xbox 360 isn’t quite as great as SEGA saying VF5 is coming to a new SEGA console it’s making especially for Virtua Fighter (ie, the Saturn), it still means we don’t have to even think about maybe getting a PS3 just for VF5 any more. And neither do you. Or anyone else!

Or we could just pay off the mortgage a bit :(

The money we save on not having to buy a PS3 just for VF5 can now be reinvested in SEGA plush toys. We’ll even be able to afford a SUPER R@RE MINT WITH TAG Mecha Sonic now. And another Cream The Rabbit, to replace the one we’ve worn the arse out of.

'Real time fist usage!!!'

You could Photoshop Ken Kutaragi’s head onto Pai’s body for a hilarious joke to post on a video game forum! A speech bubble from Sarah Bryant could be something about her causing ‘massive damage’! We have tears in our eyes just thinking about the potential for hilarity this news has unleashed.

An internet joke

Here’s one we made in literally two minutes. The purple circle is meant to be a black eye. We are not artists.

The SHIT PS3 version

These are just PS3 screenshots we got off the internet, so don’t get too excited too quickly. VF5 won’t be out on Xbox 360 until a few months after PS3 – that’s what “system exclusive” means these days. The press release says “late summer” for the Xbox 360 version, so that’s only a few more months for the freetrade alternative to the evil PS3 game.

Happy days

We are all winners thanks to PS3’s upcoming defeat. This also means SEGA’s been working on Xbox 360 VF5 for quite some time. There has therefore been a small amount of “smoke and mirrors” surrounding its development.

And a Merry Christmas to you too

You have no idea how relieved we feel right now. It’s like emerging from the bathroom having had a gigantic poo AND a wank AND the first shower in three days. Now we feel light and envigourated and clean and whole and invincible. Thanks, SEGA.

THE OFFICIAL THING ABOUT XBOX 360 VF5 FROM SEGA, SO YOU KNOW WE’RE NOT JUST ALREADY DRUNK FOR CHRISTMAS AND MAKING THINGS UP:

SEGA ANNOUNCES VIRTUA FIGHTER 5 FOR XBOX 360

Premiere Fighting Game Franchise Makes First Appearance on Microsoft’s Next Generation Videogame Console

SAN FRANCISCO & LONDON (December 21, 2006) – SEGA of America, Inc. and SEGA Europe Ltd. today announced that the highly anticipated arcade fighting game, Virtua Fighter 5, will make its way onto the Xbox 360 video game and entertainment system. Virtua Fighter 5 is scheduled for release on Xbox 360 in North America and in Europe during late summer 2007. The game will also be available for the PLAYSTATION3 computer entertainment system on February 20th, 2007 in North America and will be available in Europe simultaneously with the system’s launch in March 2007.

“Those people lucky enough to have already played Virtua Fighter 5 will know that it’s laid the foundations to become the clear benchmark for fighting games on all next generation consoles”, said Matt Woodley, Creative Director, SEGA Publishing Europe Ltd. “Bringing Virtua Fighter 5 to the Xbox 360 offers us a platform with power to handle the astonishing visuals, the complex and varied fighting styles of all the customisable characters and will undoubtedly put Virtua Fighter 5 into the hands of a gaming audience craving for a highly polished and credible fighting game.”

Virtua Fighter 5 features beautifully detailed stages from around the world where players face off in fast-moving martial arts battles against one of 17 characters. Two lively new characters join the elite group of fighters, adding two new unique fighting styles for players to try and master. With more skill and strategy than ever before, players are also given the opportunity to learn and employ the new “Offensive Move” technique to take down their opponents from different angles, adding a new dimension to the game and something for both new and old fans to master. Virtua Fighter 5 also includes the ability to customise characters by selecting from four base costumes and a wide range of unlockable accessories and earnable items. As players win more tournaments they will not only earn costumes and accessories, but also prizes and in-game money that will allow them to buy items from the in-game shop.

“The Virtua Fighter series from SEGA has one of the most prestigious histories in video games,” said Jeff Bell, corporate vice president of global marketing for the Interactive Entertainment Business at Microsoft. “It’s a franchise that has grown an army of loyal fans both in arcades and on consoles worldwide, and is consistently rated extremely high by the media. Fighting game fans have been hungry for Virtua Fighter 5 and we can now proudly deliver this game with SEGA to Xbox 360 gamers around the world.”

Developed by the highly renowned Tokyo based development team, AM R&D Development No.2, Virtua Fighter 5 for the Xbox 360 will be available across Europe and North America during late summer 2007.

“PlayStation3 is totally fucked now. Even hardcore gamers don’t need it for any reason at all. This is SEGA’s ULTIMATE REVENGE” added UK:Resistance, in a small footnote at the bottom of the press release that definitely wasn’t sent out with the proper press release.

Comments (21)

PSP POCKET POOL PORN

This will save Sony from its PSP hell! It’s called Pocket Pool, which is (a) a new PSP pool game and (b) a euphamism for wanking:

PSP Pocket Pool Porn

Pocket Pool has a “provocative adult theme” which means you unlock photos of women as you play. Here are some more photos of the women in it. These are relevant to our ‘remit’ because they are from a game.

The photos have been taken by “the web’s premier glamour photographer” who is a man called J. Stephen Hicks, apparently. Maybe the sequel will use Max Hardcore.

There’s also 13 pool games to not know the rules of, like 9 ball, 8 ball, Rotation, Black Jack and, oh, one we know the rules of called Snooker.

There’s also 20 video clips of these women to unlock and look at. That’s it, really. Here are a few more photos:

Isn’t that nice? It’s out in January, by which time PSP might have sold another couple of hundred units thanks to Sony’s incredible online marketing campaign that’s really winning over the gaming community right now.

Comments (16)

AFTERBURNER CLIMAX – FULL MULTIMEDIA REVIEW

By which we mean some words about it and some YouTube videos we were sent, which hopefully won’t get taken down two minutes after we upload them like everything else we link to on the world’s most uptight video sharing community.

The reason it’s jerking about all over the place is because the game’s in a hydraulic cabinet. The cameraman isn’t severely disabled. To our knowledge.


DR VANGTROS’ AFTERBURNER CLIMAX REVIEW

AFTERBURNER CLIMAX
By Sega AM2, aka Angels in Heaven

“Firstly, it controls like the original. Which is great as next-gen games that take the original source material and ‘make it better’ often make it worse. I can’t remember if you could speed up or down in the first one, but you can now, and there’s a bullet-time style function called ‘Climax’.”

“When I Climax, everything doesn’t slow down, so I don’t know why this is. Maybe the Japanese do. Anyway. It plays a lot like the good Starfox games, Panzer Dragoon and the SEGA Star Wars Arcade game that was brilliant, but FASTER. A lot faster. And more chaotic with the amount of violence that comes your way. You basically spend the whole time moving and weaving around in circular paths and occasionally doing barrel rolls (which you can now do by pulling one direction, then another very quickly).”

“Some enemies will shoot one missile at you, some two and others FIVE. When these guys pop up, you have to roll away or you get completely shafted, but you feel it’s your fault and not Sega’s for being poo at design. Because they aren’t… except with that Sega Casino game and Shadow the Hedgehog, which we’ll pretend never happened.”

“You lock onto enemies, then use bullets which are good for close range death or heat seeking missiles, which do the job better and seem to be infinite in number. If only love was infinite in number. Then we wouldn’t have to ‘liberate’ all those girls coming home on the way back from sixth form college every other Wednesday.”

“You can also rack up combos and the bullet-time Climax mode helps you do that. We managed to get around 40 once. The overall level progression structure is like Panzer Dragoon’s, where you have multiple branches that weave in and out of the same narrative, and multiple endings. I kept getting the ‘you are crap at life’ one – Ending C. I’m sorry Afterburner; I’ll try harder next time.”

“Levels include the classic Oceanic landscape from the original, some canyons, cities at sundown and at night, cloud battles, areas filled with live volcanoes, a desert and an underground base chase where you fly through tunnels, avoid walls and lasers and need to fly slow so you don’t die and disappoint the game, which ranks you as you play.”

“We started off with a lot of high rankings, but as we were reminded of our inferiority through the crisp visual splendour of the game mocking our lack of talent of ever being able to replicate such godly work, we descended into sadness and forgot how to play the game.”

“As for whether this could hit console, I asked the producer of the game who was on-hand to talk about it – which was impressively developed in under a year. Sadly, he said there are “no plans to bring this to console”. Of course, that was probably the PR-safe answer he gives everyone, because we know it’s coming out Xbox 360 and NOT PlayStation3, because Sega didn’t really sign Virtua Fighter 5 to them. It was a spelling mistake.”

More movies and impressions here.

EMERGENCY BACK-UPS
When YouTube, SEGA, AM2, the police and the secret shadowy organisation hell-bent on undermining us by having all our YouTube videos deleted as soon as we link to them has these videos deleted (or if you’re using a computer the council hands out to poor families for free that can’t play YouTube videos), emergency direct-download links to the Afterburner Climax footage are located here:

  • MOVIE 1
  • MOVIE 2
  • MOVIE 3
  • MOVIE 4
  • MOVIE 5
  • MOVIE 6
  • MOVIE 7
  • MOVIE 8
  • MOVIE 9

  • Comments (4)