Archive for January, 2010:

EMERGENCY WEEKEND UPDATE: YOU CAN “EVEN RIDE BANANAS”

You can even ride bananas. You can EVEN ride bananas. You can even ride BANANAS. Don’t bother waiting for the irony to start – IT NEVER DOES.

No one mentions that you can “be the man from Shenmue”.

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“SONIC DEVOURING TAILS”

This is a good one. Should’ve saved it for Valentine’s Day or next Christmas. It’s Sonic eating Tails, wearing gloves because he doesn’t know where he’s been.

sonic-devouring-tails

Thanks to Sonic Stadium and whatever a BuzzFeed is for digging it out.

Saturno devorando a sus hijos

It’s apparently based on this cheery number, in which a man eats his children lest they turn against him. A bit like when you deliberately kill Tails before a difficult bit in Sonic 2, so he doesn’t balls it all up for you. Happy Friday.

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SONIC’S LATEST APPEARANCE ON XBOX 360

They’ve made an error in not capitalising the ‘t’ in Sonic The Hedgehog. We shall take this complaint to the TOP – ie, maybe leave a comment on Major Nelson’s blog, if he’s still got a blog.

Classic Sonic – press one button and it’s all over in a few seconds.

I went for sonic

“Whilst playing ‘1 v 100′ on Xbox Live tonight, with the quiz subject being ‘The 90s’, this question popped up: (see attached image, full size no resizing, DIRECT from the camera for all your EXIF-spying). I am not Gronanbarbarian or Gronanbarbar or JoRDANQuINNN, these names are far too crazy for my liking, all the kids do it these days. I was dominating the 90s questions with three safetys in the bag. Those punks never knew what hit them. All four of us got this question right anyhow” – Sam.

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WE WERE NOT INVITED TO THE ALIENS VS PREDATOR EVENT

There are some benefits to burning all your bridges.

sega aliens predator

Would trust the one on the right to shoot a face-hugger off in a moment of panic, but would prefer it if the one on the left stayed on the orbiter manning the expedition’s Twitter account.

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SPOILT CHILDREN GENERATE AMAZING SONIC MURALS

We were sent a link to this by a reader called “James”. He swears that he’s not either of these children and that he was instead “lumbered with American football wallpaper” as a child, rather than the below murals of magic.

Our initial thoughts are that Sonic & Knuckles have come out well, but the artist would appear to have drawn Tails without access to any reference materials.

sonic bedroom mural 1

Exactly HOW MUCH of a spoilt, whining little shit do you have to be to convince your parents to commission a Sonic The Hedgehog mural for your entire bedroom, anyway?

sonic bedroom mural 2

More amazing wall-coverings by the same man can be found over at the artist’s Web 1.0 site.

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SOMETHING ABOUT THAT ALTON TOWERS AND SEGA THING THEN

Honestly the FUSS there’s been over this Sonic/Alton Towers thing. We’ve been getting three emails a day about it, but have been BRAVELY holding off mentioning it until some sort of official photography is released.

And here it is, sort of, at a very low resolution.

sonic spinball pr 1

We asked for this artwork and photos via official channels using polite, proper language, but were told the ride was still under development so they had no official photographs…

sonic spinball pr 2

Apart from THESE ONES, then? What are these photos? UNOFFICIAL paparazzi shots? We would REALLY LIKE this picture at a huge resolution. Please, can somebody with an important-sounding email address get it for us?

sonic spinball pr 3

We have a joke raring to go about Sonic finding employment in the painting and decorating industry.

sonic spinball pr 4

We’re working on an additional joke to go with this photo, which will possibly be based around Sonic padding out his CV by doing some voluntary work in the community, or perhaps that he doesn’t need overalls because it doesn’t matter if he gets blue paint on himself.

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PLAYSTATION BRAND IN ITALIAN MURDER ACCUSATION

It’s all in Italian, but if you scroll down a bit, Italian Reader “Francesco” will provide a convincingly local-sounding translation.

the playstation murders continue

“Something terrible happened in Italy this week. A guy and his father playing FIFA on PlayStation. After the match the boy try to kill his father stabbing him with a kitchen knife! Journalist blame PlayStation and they are right! If the father of the boy brought him a Dreamcast instead a PlayStation, maybe after the match they go to pub and cheers up, but no, he buy a PlayStation3, an evil device from outer world and that’s what happened! Please, help us to bring some blue sky in our poor country! This is the link of the story” – Francesco.

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SOMETHING TOO COMPLICATED TO PROPERLY UNDERSTAND

No idea what’s happening here. About 15 years of memories have all been bodged into one YouTube video. Starting to feel old. Older. Like, so old that we should only be using the internet for emailing distant relatives and booking discount cruises.

Submitted by comment-leaver “Prison Hardman” who seems to be a bit protective about his email address, making us feel quite powerful and in control.

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TECMO KOEI ASSISTS OUR REHABILITATION WITH DEAD OR ALIVE: PARADISE

Despite DOA Paradise being a PSP game we are “doing something” on it because we got sent this YESTERDAY under an EMBARGO for today! You have no idea how important and trustworthy that makes us feel.

We are slowly rebuilding those fire-damaged bridges. Next thing you know a courier from Microsoft will turn up with numerous Halo products and some free bags and t-shirts.

That’s a selection of the screenshots. We could’ve uploaded these yesterday, but DID NOT because we CAN BE TRUSTED.

This is some of the artwork in a bigger format. We used to like DoA artwork, but it’s looking a bit creepy these days, isn’t it?

We hope we are allowed to use the artwork. Didn’t check that. We can be trusted, but don’t always check everything.

That’s enough. We have proven we can be trusted. We didn’t even say anything about their weird feet.

TECMO KOEI GIVES GAMERS ‘PARADISE IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND’!

DEAD OR ALIVE: Paradise coming exclusively to Sony PSP.

Hertfordshire, UK- January 22nd 2010 – Tecmo Koei Europe Ltd proudly reveal the next installment of the hugely popular DEAD OR ALIVE series – DEAD OR ALIVE: Paradise.

Featuring all the DEAD OR ALIVE lovelies, basking in the tropical sun of ‘New Zack Island’ you will be able to mingle, flirt, play, take snapshots, and challenge the girls in various mini-games found throughout your private island in the best looking PSP game yet.

Boasting the most beautiful 3D female characters even seen in any PSP title, you will be able to indulge in beach volleyball, pool hopping, as well as visiting the revamped casino resort run by the enigmatic ‘Rio’. With an exhaustive shopping option as well, spend your hard-earned ZACK currency on hundreds of cool items, from clothes to gadgets then keep them for yourself or give them as gifts to your new girlfriends. The more gifts you give, the stronger your bond with them will grow.

You’ll also be able to snap candid photos of your giggling beauties in their beachwear which you can store in your very own private photo album and collect ‘Venus Clips’ to enjoy later. It’s all on-the-go, and all in the palm of your hand. Take your girls anywhere. Play with them any time.

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SEGA REFERENCE IN GRAN TURISMO 5 *SMOKE COMES OUT OF EARS*

This is great news for SEGA. If Sony has to pay $0.02 in royalties to SEGA for every copy of GT5 it sells, this could be SEGA’s most profitable game in over a decade. And it didn’t even have to lift a finger.

sega GT 5

“I was just watching a video of GT5 that compares it to real life, mainly just so I could laugh at how it doesn’t look photorealistic at all (it doesn’t), and I noticed something a little odd. First I thought it was just that the sky was a little too blue, but then I noticed this. As you can see, this screenshot of GT5 has SEGA in it. I don’t know why. Game is likely to be a little bit less shit now” – Lewie.

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