Entries in the ‘OFF THE INTERNET’ Category:

JAPANESE SEGA FAN “HAPPY NEW YEAR” ART

Disappointing lack of dripping cock monsters looming ominously over tearful schoolgirls that only look about 14, but it’s good to see SEGA’s remaining fan base still pines after the return of Cream to the “canon” character universe.

Not sure about the socks and sandals thing, though. It certainly isn’t as enjoyable as Kylie’s ongoing Shoe of the Day Twitter output that has taken #1 spot on the in-house internet hit parade.

cream-dragon

“Cream the Rabbit in a Kimono. I thought this was right up your street” – Mr Needlemouse.

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BY PUBLIC DEMAND: THE SEGA TOILET GAME

Judging by the huge number of urine-based puns lined up in our email inbox this morning, you would all be MADE HAPPY today by us mentioning this – the SEGA weeing urinal game. It’s the most disappointing Japanese piss video you will see today.

From loads of places on the internet, over the past few days, via lots of people. Like, at least three. Thanks everyone.

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FACEBOOK RAPES OUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

Facebook¬† have been guilty of many things – breaching people’s privacy, messing up people’s lives and jobs¬†and all those infuriating ‘repost this status if you agree’ comments. But now they’ve gone too far. This is war:

There is no funny alt-text that will make this alright... :(

You are looking at ‘Crazy Taxi,’ the Facebook game. When I asked someone who played it if it was anything like Sega’s Crazy Taxi, he replied “Sadly no. It’s like a Chase HQ / Out Run combo with jumping. Minus all the fun.”

You can watch it in motion here if you want. I don’t recommend it, it’s just too awful. :(

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SEGA FONT USED TO REPRESENT THINGS THAT ARE OLD AND OF LIMITED INTEREST TO MODERN CONSUMERS…

SHOCK. As far as we’re concerned, a “retro rollback” is having a wank while remembering that lovely woman from Buck Rogers. Then Deanna Troi loses her clothes in a teleportation accident and turns up and etc etc

retro-rollback

“Here’s an image for a slow news day months from now. WWEShop.com ran a retro sale, and it looks like someone on their graphics team is a SEGA fan. Hope everyone’s having an enjoyable 2011!” – Josh.

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S…

SPOILER: It says SEGA.

sega-montage

From someone affiliated with this.

sega-montage 2

Tidy lounge. We must be attracting a more adult crowd.

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PLAYSTATION3? “NO WAY” IT IS “TOO EXPENSIVE”

Those aren’t our words, but also the words spoken by a character in a Chilean arthouse film. PS3 disrespecting has hit the ‘World Cinema’ section.

ps3-no-way-1

“I found this scene while watching an obscure artsy film from Chile. It’s about a father denying and ridiculizing his child for asking for a PS3″

ps3-no-way-2

“Only later did I figure that those subs could have been easily faked onto any other movie” – Matteo.

ps3-no-way-3

Was there any good porn in it, Matteo? Farmer’s daughter coming-of-age kind of thing?

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SUPER MARIO 2, IN A CASE, FOR $500

He could’ve put a bit more effort into coiling that cable.

mario 2 case

“Are you still doing those incredibly shit eBay auctions of people who hike prices up for something that’s practically worthless? If so, have a butchers at this!” – Larry.

mario-conditions

Mario Bros. 2 only sold around 10 million units, so actually is quite rare compared to something like how many germs there are in your toilet bowl.

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“DEAR GAMESMASTER, CAN YOU BE THE TALIBAN?”

“Hello, Jimmy. Why yes, you can be the Taliban. Simply hold down X+Y+A when selecting your character. Have fun!”

video-game-taliban

Average age of game buyer now 39, according to this madness :(

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SONIC HOT AIR BALLOON STILL IN COMMISSION

There’s still a chance you might be able to hire the Sonic balloon out for your wedding or surprisingly upbeat it’s-what-he-would’ve-wanted funeral. It’s still flying and surprisingly hasn’t got stuck on the scenery and died.

sonic fiesta badge

“Sonic is still burning his nuts! Saw this on eBay, which led me to this, which has another huge photo in it” – Andy the Squirrel.

sonic-balloon-2010

Despite the old fashioned aspect ratio of that image, the photograph is modern. The Sonic balloon flew in 2010 in Ireland. Has anyone spotted it in 2012 yet?

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“UNDER SECAF RONALD SEGA CHALLENGE COIN”

To some, this badge presented by Ronald M. Sega might be considered a prestigious military honour and a mark of extraordinary service. To us lot, it’d be a nice badge to put on our little rucksacks.

ronald sega medal

Submitted by reader “VMS”. Hope you found the other thing you were actually looking for.

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