Entries in the ‘ACTUAL GAMES’ Category:

NINTENDO RELEASE 3DS – WORLD STOPS

Today marks the UK launch of the 3DS, and thousands of COMPLETE IDIOTS queued all night just to get their hands on one.

Idiots, queuing.

Here’s the list of launch games for the 3DS:
PilotWings Resort
Steel Diver
Kid Icarus: Uprising
Mario Kart 3DS
Nintendogs
Animal Crossing
StarFox 64 3D
Paper Mario

Nothing really exciting in that lineup worth forking out £200 for. Also you could add the prefix “Yet another…” to most of those games. Does the world really need another Mario Kart? Really?

Bonus material – Nintendo employed a woman to hold their product in a hideous flash-driven piece of promo fluff on their site.

6/10

Seems to have the basic idea, but loses points for thumb placement. 6/10

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HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE!

Found this. Thought it was an unfunny pretend game. Turns out it’s real, which is even less funny:

Shall we say midnight, Thursday 24th, my house for the mass suicide?

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NEW DREAMCAST GAME IN SHOPS

But hang on, what’s this?

:( :( :( :( :( :(

Oh. It’s an Xbox 360 reissue.  :(

Blurry photo hastily taken at PC World. On the plus side it was the only bastion of HAPPY BLUE SKY GAMING sitting on a shelf of dreary 18+ sludge.

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“PROMOTES ORGIES AND LESBIAN SEX TO KIDS AS YOUNG AS 12″

*Hurriedly reappraises personal stance on Nintendo console*

we-dare-the-sun

Will need to be hidden in the same place previous generations hid their VHS copy of ‘The Lover’s Guide’. From The Sun.

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BLUE SKY IN GAMES CAMPAIGN NEEDS ENFORCING NOW!

Even bloody Ridge Racer’s gone all grey and shit

Ridge Racer’s been on a downward spiral ever since the inclusion of the nitro, but this is something else.

It’s been farmed out to Helsinki-based ‘legends’ Bugbear Entertainment because Namco don’t care about it any more.

Bugbear will be best remembered for gaming gems such as Flatout, Flatout 2, Sega Rally Revo (PSP port) and a wank old N-Gage game.

I bet they’ve put guns in it.

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SUSAN SARANDON STANDING IN FRONT OF KILLZONE 3

Really, really do not understand the modern world and don’t want to have any part of it any more. The best thing that could happen to society now is a nuclear war and subsequent forced return to subsistence living.

susan sarandon

Is she… attempting to make it look like she knows you have to use your thumbs?

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IT’S KIND OF A MIXTURE OF THE TWO

LONDON & SAN FRANCISCO (31st Jan 2010)— SEGA® Europe Ltd. and SEGA® of America, Inc. announced today that SEGA Rally Online Arcade™, a new HD title inspired by SEGA Rally Revo™ and SEGA Rally 3™, will be racing onto PlayStation® Network and Xbox LIVE® Arcade for the Xbox 360® video game and entertainment system from Microsoft in 2011. SEGA’s arcade and console favourite will include a collection of new features, including the ability for gamers to race their friends online!

sega rally online arcade

That’s their exclamation mark. More here.

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BRAND NEW NIGHTS INTO DREAMS GAME!!!

It’s not called Nights.
Nor does it look anything like Nights.
It doesn’t seem to be about dreams.
Or nightmares.

It’s got flying in it though.
Oh, and Yuji Naka’s directing it.

On reflection, perhaps I shouldn’t have implied it was a new Nights installment after all?

It’s slap-dash, sensationalist post titles like this that give credible gaming sites a bad name!

,

Don’t get too excited. It’s on the Wii and 3DS

The screen grabs don’t get any better than this either. If anything, they get worse

The photographer should’ve used the MACRO MODE

He’s tried one with the flash on to see if it’s improved things

That’s a bit better. Shame it’s the last one.

Everything was pinched from here

The game’s called Tenkuu no Kishi Rodea which probably translates to something about shooting and/or flying

It’ll turn out to be shit.

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NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY OR FEEL ABOUT THIS

The Mega Drive version of Virtua Fighter 2 is now available on iPhone. It probably sold more copies than the PAL Saturn release in the time it took you to make that cup of tea.

vf2 iphone

Happy? Sad? Indifferent? Confused? Annoyed that Sarah Bryant’s tits won’t be as nice in 2D?

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THAT DAYTONA ARCADE GAME CAME OUT AFTER ALL

Doesn’t look like Sega bothered to promote it very well, especially as none of us noticed it was out

I bet Yu Suzuki’s LIVID

If you’ve got four grand lying about, you can buy it from here

It’s actually quite cheap, considering they want £500 more for the abysmal Sega Rally Revo 3 cabinet.

Here’s a video of two men not appreciating it enough:

Come on Sega, get this ported to Xbox Live. If you can’t be bothered, let Sumo Digital do it for you

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