Entries in the ‘TOYS’ Category:


It’s only a prototype. The actual retail version will probably end up with rickets, fat arms, club feet and a spack face.

Should a 31 year old even be contemplating its purchase?

Shamelessly stolen from a site that has regular updates: The Sonic Stadium

If nothing else, it should stop Weatherbox from whinging?

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Yes, Sega may well be going to shit these days, but let’s forget all about that for a moment and be comforted in the knowledge that Nintendo is equally powerless to stop ‘enthusiasts’ from making unlicensed toys. I give you – mutant strongman Mario:

And fish-lipped zombie Toad:

And post-op transsexual Princess Peach:

You really would wish your princess was in another castle.

And a nice group shot:

Note Mario about to grope Peach's arse.

Found while actively looking for shitty knock-off Nintendo merchandise to mock.

In other Nintendo news (since they must be the NEW ENEMY now that Sony are on life support with the PS3), Nintendo have decided on a cunning plan to halt the massive slide in hardware sales. They are going to re-release the console in black! Genius – that will sove everything! 

It's going to collect fingerprints too!

Are Nintendo taking inspiration from Sony now?

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Sorry everyone, but this is one of those weeks (AKA months, AKA years) where we can’t be bothered to do anything other than upload the first photograph of something about/like SEGA in the inbox.

Hopefully at least some of you might enjoy looking at some girls’ shoes.


“Fairly ashamed, so will make it brief. Dragged to town. Standing awkwardly in ‘Next’ trying not to engage with the burger-munching-Jeremy-Kyle-set-public when I noticed this familiar little fellow. Yes, the photo is bad but a) It’s a phone. What do you expect ? An HTC something-or-other. And b) You try taking photos in the kids department of a crowded shop. People have been killed for less. And no, I don’t know why the whole scene has a pink ‘n’ fuzzy look to it. Maybe it’s the happy gas they pump into these places?” – Morgan.

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A few tatty books and some toys. When the cleaner from the council turns up to emotionlessly throw it all in a skip after the owner’s passing, he will not understand their true meaning or worth.


“Last week I was ordered to go through a few boxes of crap I’d left around my parent’s house and decide what I wanted to keep since they’re moving. There wasn’t much I was bothered about but I picked these up because I thought you might be interested in them.”


“If not in the actual items, at least in not having to find an update for a day. Hell, since there’s two different things, this could mean a couple of days off!”


“First, I found some books. They’re the novels written by Martin Adams. I think my favourite thing about these is the little flip-book animation in the top right of the pages. Well, that and Sonic’s eyes on the cover of ‘Silicon Warriors’.”


“There’s a 4th book too, ‘in Robotnik’s Castle’, which I’m sure I’ve read but can’t find anywhere. I’m thinking I might have borrowed it off a friend. I’ve included the back covers so you can read the synopsis”.


“Next we have a box of Sonic and Metal Sonic minitures; origin unknown (I think they might have been a ticket collection item at Sega World).”


“They came painted poorly and the Sonic on the far right can’t stand up on his own. I quite like the Metal Sonic though, it looks like someone at least tried to make an effort with him” – Ian.

“They came painted poorly and the Sonic on the far right can’t stand up on his own. I quite like the Metal Sonic though, it looks like someone at least tried to make an effort with him” – Ian.


Thanks, Ian. Sorry for suggesting you’ll die alone and the council will have to come and clear away your possessions because they need to rent the house to someone else. We’ve just run out of ways to introduce sets of photos of SEGA items.


And that Mecha Sonic IS nice. No man who owns a Mecha Sonic that cool will die alone.


You’ll die surrounded by 27 cats.

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Mickey Mouse is rubbish. Mario is rubbish. You can see where the creator of this is coming from.

HIS INSPIRATION: Things that are shit.


“Dear UKR, I found this on the Internet. It’s rather strange and is in the sale section of the website so clearly no one’s buying it, which isn’t surprising. I’ve included one of the pictures and the blurb about the vinyl figure in case you’re too busy (lazy) to click on the link” – Charlie Tollemache.


We’re trying very, very hard to grow up and stop buying ironic merchandise, but this Kubrick Jack from Lost is extremely tempting. If it came with ‘Wet Kate’ there’d be one on its way right now.

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“Exclusive” in that no one else would want them. Or even bother downloading the 8.32MB ZIP file. Or would actively solicit material like this in the first place. Let’s just say there wasn’t a fierce bidding war with Kotaku over the rights to upload these with a 24 hour exclusivity agreement in place.


In fact, our main interest in these photographs is the way they accurately document the computer desks and set-ups of men in the year 2009.


Look, the camera has accidentally focused on the Samsung monitor instead of the small child’s toy! This update is coincidentally also being produced on a Samsung monitor. A SyncMaster 206BW if you want to look it up and feel a little bit closer to the UKR machine. It has a squarer bezel than Jonathan’s later model.


We hope Tails is being ironic when he pulls this expression. Otherwise, he’s just a bit of a tosser.


Anyway, that’s our stream of consciousness, first-draft opinions done with. Over to “Jonathan” for his actual commentary.


“I can’t remember if you ever did a post on these (I thought you must have since it constituted actual Sega-related news at the time, but I couldn’t find one) but in February last year some reasonably okay looking Sonic vinyl figures to be made by some people called ‘First4Figures’ were announced.”


“About a year later Forbidden Planet started actually offering them for sale on their website (only the Knuckles one is still there, for some reason, and even that’s currently on pre-order). Seeing as my birthday was coming up, they weren’t too expensive, and it wasn’t like I was ever going to get another girlfriend anyway, I decided to treat myself to them.”


“Somehow it took until today for them to actually arrive. So long that I had completely forgotten that I’d ordered them, and any of the initial excitement had long-since faded. As had any excitment for Sonic in general, in fact, as I’m pretty sure most of the internet was as nonplussed as I was by the announcement of Sonic and Sega All-Stars Racing or Sonic and Mario at the Winter Olympics or whatever the hell the latest game is.”


“Actually, make that excitement for videogames as a whole. But I’m sure you don’t care about that, here are some mediocre photos of my ill-gotten winnings. They’re in a zip file with a funny name. It’s slightly too big for me to attach so here is a download link” [WE CAN CONFIRM HE DID AT THIS POINT PROVIDE A DOWNLOAD LINK TO A ZIPPED FILE OF IMAGES]


“As you can hopefully see, the figures are sort of nice, and I suppose they’re just about worth a little under a tenner each if you’re really sad, but I’m no longer sure why I allowed myself to buy them.


“The big Sonic one on the First4Figures website would’ve been nicer, but I’m not paying £100 for that. Or even $100, which will probably be about £100 anyway but tomorrow if things keep going the way they are.”


“Hopefully this isn’t too boring. If you don’t put it on your nice website I hope it at least amuses you for a couple of minutes” – Jonathan.


It was pretty boring, to be honest, Jonathan, but we’re in a mental place right now where the more boring a thing is the better entertainment value it provides as we imagine people reading it and being bored to the point of extreme anger.


We sent Jonathan a separate thank you email yesterday, so there’s no real need to say thanks again here.

Comments (14)