Entries in the ‘GONZO FIELD REPORTS’ Category:

“OH WOW THAT’S THE SEGA FONT”

Reader comes to the rescue of current UPDATE CRISIS with extra-mile-going photographic submission. Thanks, reader. This was adrenaline to the heart. Not sure why the Justin Beiber photograph is included, unless that “JUSTIN” is also supposed to be a bit like the SEGA font?

sherbet

“Every weekday morning I am forced to take a long and depressing hike up a hill to my college in Bournemouth. I always walk past this club hilariously misspelled ‘Sherbet’ and think ‘Oh wow, that’s the SEGA font.’ However due to the the mundaneness of the journey and the sleep deprivation together with the need to distance myself from the resident freaks I’ve never really given it a second thought.”

sherbet2

“The other day I was in a strangely chirpy mood so I stopped to take a shot of it with my extremely generic Samsung Tocco Lite. I noticed UK:R has been a little… well… yeah, recently, so I hope this floats your boat and puts a smile on your face for a second before you send it to the recycle bin or whatever.”

jb

“I suppose SEGA has turned to a new liver destroying entertainment sector, even the colour of the sign reminds me of the Dreamcast, perhaps they’re hinting at a new hip, cool, wicked, beat, down alternative to gaming: Binge drinking to loud music. I hear it’s a fun club and does nice food, but what would a bitter, non-alcoholic ovo lacto vegetarian like me know?”

Dreamcast2

“I also found a Dreamcast logo while waiting for the number 16 bus. It looks pretty crappy… maybe SEGA are going for a dark, gritty image for the Dreamcast 2? Peace” – Shem.

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“R3PLAY ARCADE, RETRO & VIDEO GAMING EVENT SEGA BOOTH REPORT”

Here’s a report on a gaming event. Yes really. And no, not by us. The photographs were taken on a mobile phone so it’s kind of hard to understand what’s really happening, but he put the effort in so ought to be rewarded.

In summary – he expected way too much from a fan-organised retro event.

OPENING PREAMBLE:

“When I heard SEGA would have an exhibit stand at R3PLAY Arcade, Retro & Videogaming event I could only think of one place to send a review of it. However they declined and gave me a link to your site instead. The event is held in Blackpool, sometimes referred to as the UK’s version of ‘Las Vegas’ (If Las Vegas was hit by an earthquake, then a missile strike and all the refugees had to wear tracksuits it’s a fair comparison).

“All pictures taken on my shitty old Samsung phone.”

r3play 1

“According to the floor plan this is the SEGA booth. Times must be tough when you can’t even afford a sign, so instead it’s a poster of Sonic 4 and a flipchart using at least 2 COLOURS to advertise its wares.”

r3play 2

“Such savvy marketing manages to attract five people, however three of them just wanted directions to the Nintendo exhibit.”

r3play 3

“Behold a poorly arranged row of LCD TVs displaying: Xbox Live Trial version of Crazy Taxi (all the pop-up of the DC version but none of the music, later changed to Afterburner), Virtua Fighter 5, two Sega All Star Racings, Mega Drive Version of Virtua Fighter 2 (WTF?!?!), Sonic Episode 1 Xbox Live Trial version. So no Vanquish, Virtual On Force, Sonic Colours, Sonic Free Riders. Just a bunch of old games. Thanks SEGA!”

r3play 4

“SEGA held a competition for you to win every game they release on Xbox, PS3 and PC in 2010! Just get the fastest speedrun on the 1st level of the trail version of Sonic 4. This guy really wants the Mega Drive collection Vol.2 on PC, look at him go! On a positive note there was a Cosmic Smash arcade cabinet on freeplay to remind me of SEGA’s glory days and Xbox 1 LAN multiplayer OutRun setup (None of this setup by SEGA)” – Warp Warp.

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IN-STORE PLAYSTATION MOVE POSTER HOLDER

Sonic’s got himself a little job.

playstation move holder 1

“I visited the Lewisham branch of Gamestation today and it looks like Sony has a new mascot, or rather some form of cardboard sign holder” – Brendan.

playstation move holder 2

Well done, Sonic. Stand there like that for another 10,000 hours and you’ll have worked off the debt to society you built up with that awful 2006 game.

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TRAIN2GAME DID “BOOTH BABES” AT EUROGAMER EXPO

We might have to declare some sort of ceasefire on enemy #2, as it looks like we have something in common with our favourite bunch of aggressive shareware salesmen after all.

UKR 04

“Today was an exciting day. Today was the start of the three-day Eurogamer Expo 2010 and Captain Whoops was there to bring you all the action”

UKR 05

“To be honest there wasn’t much action other than lots of Emo kids walking around”

UKR 01

“For your visual pleasure we have not one but three photos of a crashed PS3 at the LittleBigPlanet 2 booth”

UKR 02

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UKR 06

“The SEGA recruitment booth in all its dull glory was hidden in a corner behind the dreaded Train2Game booth, of which we have 3 photos”

UKR 07

“To finish us off we have the Train2Game Booth ‘Babes’ walking around with their see-through pants on…”

UKR 08

“…well they were see-through after I switched the flash to full power” – Captain Whoops.

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A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR

It’s come to this. Anyone want to buy a games-related web site with a dwindling readership and a vast back catalogue of nonsense? £50 O.N.O.

sonic-beer-tap

“I saw this at a Red Robin restaurant near Chicago. I would also send you a photo of my cat but my iPhone only lets me attach one photo per email. It’s your loss. I’d send you a second email just with the cat photo, but I don’t feel like it” – Joel.

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CHILDHOOD SONIC BAG STILL HASN’T BROKEN

This probably is one of you lot. Look at you, reading your book and sitting next to a woman, while on the way to a proper job! Well done.

sonic-manbag-tube

“Good morning. As I was traveling on the London Underground this morning I spotted a business man in a suit. He was reading a book whilst wearing a very old looking Sonic The Hedgehog bag. I understand that you have disowned Sonic, but spare a thought for the die-hard fans” – Kaif.

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YOU REALLY HAVE TO ADMIRE THE CRAFTSMANSHIP – 10/10

Here’s something to bring us all together again – calling a man wearing a Sonic costume a cunt. Gather round, everyone!

sonic-classic-expo-3 sonic-classic-expo-2

“This guy was having a great time dressing as Sonic for a contest during the Classic Gaming Expo in Las Vegas, but he lost out to a small child dressed as Peach.”

sonic-classic-expo-5

“I mean the child was dressed as Peach, the man didn’t lose to him while dressing AS Peach. In shame he made his son wear the head.”

sonic-classic-expo-8

“I can only imagine at some point the kid is going to take the head and spike it a la Lord of Flies and sacrifice some old Genesis carts to get some great blue skies going. Words are hard.”

sonic-classic-expo-6

“These were taken at a surprisingly huge size available upon request if you want to really see the fibers” – Tenno.

Comments (8)

UKR READER IN “HONEYMOON” SHOCK

Well done, Pete! You’ve graduated to the world of the normal, even getting one that doesn’t mind if you stop in the street to take photos of the signage for sending in to the internet. You give hope to everyone, Pete.

sonic game station

“Here’s a pic I found of Sonic being used to advertise some dodgy arcade place while I was on my honeymoon in Hong Kong. Needless to say I dragged the missus in to have a look. No Sonic to be seen anywhere. :'(” – Pete.

Comments (3)

“… AND FIVE SEGA COCKTAILS FOR THE LADY”

If you’re going to force triples on her without her knowledge, you might as well make them SEGA triples. Stick an extra couple of shots of gin in there, bartender, to ensure she won’t awkwardly regain consciousness and awareness of her surroundings in the middle of… things.

sega-cocktail

“Spotted at Le Meridien’s Shells restaurant in Mauritius, the SEGA COCKTAIL. Cost over £7, and uses the local sugar cane juices which seem to be growing everywhere. I thought it sounded horrendous, so had the ‘Moonlight Watercooler” instead. It tasted just like a trip to the office watercooler at midnight, as the moonlight hits computer monitors all around you (I’m guessing – I’ve never had the experience. Sadly). I imagine the SEGA COCKTAIL would’ve tasted bitter, like failed dreams and regret” – K.

PREVIOUS MENTIONS OF THE MAURITIUS “SEGA” SCENE:

- THE SEGA SOUND OF MAURITIUS!

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GLEN’S E3 ROAD TRIP, IN PHOTOGRAPHS

Glen’s been back in touch. You remember Glen – odd chap, used to take photos of his computer and send them in and then we used to put them up and still don’t really know why.

Well, he went to E3 this year, and took us some photographs. And here they all are. Press ‘Page Down’ about twice and then another seven times and then another ten times to get to the ones of women. Also, it ends badly. The last photo is extremely unnecessary.

UKR - E3 00

“Even before I got there billboards for the latest titles could be seen everywhere.”

UKR - E3 01

“Off to the Sega section first.”

UKR - E3 02

“A girl. Playing Sonic Adventure. It doesn’t get better than this. (It really doesn’t get any better than this if you want to stop now.)”

UKR - E3 03

“Afterburner Climax. The line forms on the left.”

UKR - E3 04

“Man posing with Sonic statue. Thumbs up.”

UKR - E3 05

“This is the man who was taking the photo of the man posing with the Sonic statue (in the previous picture). He is taking his turn to pose with Sonic. Fondling spikes.”

UKR - E3 06

“Sonic Adventure. The controller was still warm from the girl’s touch.”

UKR - E3 07

“Blurry photo of large group of men and one girl taking pictures of a cosplay girl in a bikini spanking some rodent thing with her sword (not pictured).”

UKR - E3 08

“This one speaks for itself. It really doesn’t get better than this one for capturing the whole E3 experience.”

UKR - E3 09

“This is a photo of a robot from Battlestar Galactica (the new one) with a girl standing in front of it.”

UKR - E3 10

“This is a look at the man the girl is interviewing.”

UKR - E3 11

“These are his pants.”

UKR - E3 12

“Moving on to the Sony section.”

UKR - E3 13

“Flagship PlayStation title ‘Little Big Planet 2’. Four controllers. No takers.”

UKR - E3 14

“Nintendo section. Outdoors this year. Probably cheaper rent.”

UKR - E3 15

“I think I was spotted here…”

UKR - E3 16

“Mario packs up his arrow and calls it a day.”

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“Outside. Girl with a Sonic t-shirt. On the street, so fair game.”

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“One more trip back to the ‘Gaming Zone’.”

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UKR - E3 25

“A quick flush and time for one more shot before security arrives. (Shot deleted when I discovered pubic hair (not mine) in the frame – Can be sent on request.)” – Glen.

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