Archive for July, 2010:

TAKING HER UP THE LARA CROFT WAY

A public vote was hijacked by internet nerds, and the councilors thought it would be funny to play along with the whole thing. This is the end result. This is what happens when ordinary people are given a say.

lara croft way

Submitted by a “Jonathan” who was surprised we missed this. Jonathan, we basically stare at the same three web sites all day for 16 hours, so it shouldn’t really be much of a shock. This is UKR, not BoingBoing. We don’t do research.

THE FULL PRESS RELEASE, WHICH GOES INTO A LOT OF DETAIL ABOUT THE ROAD SYSTEMS OF DERBY:

Connecting Derby update 21 July

As Derby City Council’s Connecting Derby project moves towards completion, Lara Croft Way will become fully operational from Tuesday 27 July.

The road has been built as part of the Council’s Connecting Derby project that began in 2001. The Inner Ring Road is due to be completed at the start of 2011.

The completion of Lara Croft Way, the new road between Osmaston Road to the junction of Burton Road and Normanton Road, will allow drivers to access Burton Road, Babington Lane and Normanton Road via the new roundabout.

Charnwood Street will be closed permanently to motor vehicles at its junction with Osmaston Road from 27 July.

[Read the rest of this entry…]

Comments (4)

“… AND FIVE SEGA COCKTAILS FOR THE LADY”

If you’re going to force triples on her without her knowledge, you might as well make them SEGA triples. Stick an extra couple of shots of gin in there, bartender, to ensure she won’t awkwardly regain consciousness and awareness of her surroundings in the middle of… things.

sega-cocktail

“Spotted at Le Meridien’s Shells restaurant in Mauritius, the SEGA COCKTAIL. Cost over £7, and uses the local sugar cane juices which seem to be growing everywhere. I thought it sounded horrendous, so had the ‘Moonlight Watercooler” instead. It tasted just like a trip to the office watercooler at midnight, as the moonlight hits computer monitors all around you (I’m guessing – I’ve never had the experience. Sadly). I imagine the SEGA COCKTAIL would’ve tasted bitter, like failed dreams and regret” – K.

PREVIOUS MENTIONS OF THE MAURITIUS “SEGA” SCENE:

- THE SEGA SOUND OF MAURITIUS!

Leave a Comment

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG SPEED ENERGY DRINK, $2.95

“Gee, Sonic, you seem kinda jittery today…”

SONIC SPEED DRINK

“Found this on Neatorama. I’m hoping it contains real whizz, but it’s probably made from old car tyres and unregulated plant matter that’ll have you rushing to the bog if nothing else. Keep up the bad work” – Art.

Comments (5)

GLEN’S E3 ROAD TRIP, IN PHOTOGRAPHS

Glen’s been back in touch. You remember Glen – odd chap, used to take photos of his computer and send them in and then we used to put them up and still don’t really know why.

Well, he went to E3 this year, and took us some photographs. And here they all are. Press ‘Page Down’ about twice and then another seven times and then another ten times to get to the ones of women. Also, it ends badly. The last photo is extremely unnecessary.

UKR - E3 00

“Even before I got there billboards for the latest titles could be seen everywhere.”

UKR - E3 01

“Off to the Sega section first.”

UKR - E3 02

“A girl. Playing Sonic Adventure. It doesn’t get better than this. (It really doesn’t get any better than this if you want to stop now.)”

UKR - E3 03

“Afterburner Climax. The line forms on the left.”

UKR - E3 04

“Man posing with Sonic statue. Thumbs up.”

UKR - E3 05

“This is the man who was taking the photo of the man posing with the Sonic statue (in the previous picture). He is taking his turn to pose with Sonic. Fondling spikes.”

UKR - E3 06

“Sonic Adventure. The controller was still warm from the girl’s touch.”

UKR - E3 07

“Blurry photo of large group of men and one girl taking pictures of a cosplay girl in a bikini spanking some rodent thing with her sword (not pictured).”

UKR - E3 08

“This one speaks for itself. It really doesn’t get better than this one for capturing the whole E3 experience.”

UKR - E3 09

“This is a photo of a robot from Battlestar Galactica (the new one) with a girl standing in front of it.”

UKR - E3 10

“This is a look at the man the girl is interviewing.”

UKR - E3 11

“These are his pants.”

UKR - E3 12

“Moving on to the Sony section.”

UKR - E3 13

“Flagship PlayStation title ‘Little Big Planet 2’. Four controllers. No takers.”

UKR - E3 14

“Nintendo section. Outdoors this year. Probably cheaper rent.”

UKR - E3 15

“I think I was spotted here…”

UKR - E3 16

“Mario packs up his arrow and calls it a day.”

UKR - E3 17

UKR - E3 18

UKR - E3 19

UKR - E3 20

“Outside. Girl with a Sonic t-shirt. On the street, so fair game.”

UKR - E3 21

UKR - E3 22

UKR - E3 23

“One more trip back to the ‘Gaming Zone’.”

UKR - E3 24

UKR - E3 25

“A quick flush and time for one more shot before security arrives. (Shot deleted when I discovered pubic hair (not mine) in the frame – Can be sent on request.)” – Glen.

Comments (11)

EXCLUSIVE: DREAMCAST 2.0 TO BE FULLY V.90 MODEM COMPLIANT

Reader “Matt” has provided our first look at the hardware design of the upcoming Dreamcast 2.0, also confirming initial launch software plans and the console’s connectivity options.

Yes, we are now the UK’s #1 online care resource for the mental. When no one else listens to you or looks at your photographs and videos or clicks on the like button when you say something… “You could always try UKR.”

dc2proto2

Shouldn’t really be contacting you like this but it feels as though some people are abandoning all hope of DC 2.0.

I can’t reveal everything, but I have attached a couple of shots of the current prototype including some of the AWESOME new controller types.

I can confirm the following:

- DC2 will be available as hardware or as an iPhone App.
– DC2 will feature a fully V.90 compliant 56k modem.
– DC2 is compatible with both the CDTV and the CD32.
– DC2 will employ an improved version of the original VMU featuring a full colour 14″ CRT display.

Unconfirmed speculation:

- Terrier Games may be approached to supply launch title.
– Final case design could be sought from Pininfarina.
– Sony have voiced concerns over their inevitable crushing defeat.

That’s all I can risk saying right now.

dc2proto1

Thanks Matt! We’ll be along with your mashed banana and the feeding tube shortly. This picture is a surprisingly realistic vision of what we imagine most people’s gaming set-ups actually look like today.

Comments (10)

HYR SEGA MEGADRIVE!

Definitely has the potential to “go viral” this one. What’s that man at Kotaku’s email address? This is going to get at least three tweets, one of which may not even be automated.

hyr-sega-megadrive

From a man’s Tumblr, which is a bit like a blog but for people even worse at paying attention, via another man called “Rafael” – who says this is from a Swedish magazine called SEGA FORCE.

Comments (6)

THE FIST IS GOING INTO THE OTHER FACE NOW

Is this even allowed? Surely SEGA would’ve told them to NOT DO THIS and have all issues quickly removed from the shelves? Maybe that happened. We skipped the Amiga. It’s taken from issue #34 of Amiga Action.

Zool may well have stormed through briefly in 1992, but we’re assured he’s currently working a Saturday morning shift in Computer Exchange.

zool-amiga-action

Sent in by a man on Twitter. Sorry we didn’t reply via Twitter, man, as we don’t have the “keys” to that account.

Comments (14)

THE BILLY HATCHER CHICKEN RUN

We have been significantly out-crazied to a ridiculously high multiple by reader “GigerPunk,” who has also managed to shame our attempts at woodworking and handicraft by assembling this – the Billy Hatcher themed hen house. Here is his DANGEROUSLY UNHINGED tale.

billy-hatcher-coop-5

“Had three chickens, wanted to get more. Thus, needed a new, second, coop to keep new chooks separate for a while until they’re all settled and OK to share the current coop.”

billy-hatcher-coop-6

“Picked up 2nd coop fairly cheaply from a farm supplies shop nearby, where it had been sitting outside, gently rotting, for quite a while. Because of this, they were fairly keen to get shot of it and I got it for the knocked down price of 80 quid inc vat and delivery. However, was very basic and think it may actually have been more of a rabbit hutch, seeing as it had no nesting boxes or roosting bars, so needed a door added, roosting bars, etc, etc, along with a lick of paint.”

billy-hatcher-coop-4

“Once scrubbed clean of mould and the basic (i.e. bodged) carpentry was completed, it needed painting. Plain white seemed far too dull so I wondered what I could paint on it (and what was within my skill level with brushes and paint). Billy Hatcher just popped into my head as being the perfect chicken-related thing to paint for some reason, and so…”

hatcher-coop

“Source pictures were copied onto phone and taken to local B&Q, where I matched the basic colours as best I could. Colours chosen were:

Dulux Treacle Tart 1 (Brown)
Dulux Nectar Jewels 5 (Flesh)
Dulux Azure Sky 1 (Blue)
Dulux Sun Dust 2 (Yellow)
Dulux Red Stallion 2 (Red)
Dulux Night Jewels 1 (Black)

Bought 1 small (250ml) pot of each (about £2.50 or thereabouts iirc), plus a pack of cheap brushes (about a fiver) and a pack of small ‘artists’ brushes (about a fiver again) The white was a ‘cheap’ (i.e. 10 quid, cheaper than others) 750ml tin of b&q brand plain white exterior gloss (that I needed a second tin of in the end as I’d used no primer so the wood just drank the first coat and still showed all the grain…we live and learn. Total so far: £125 or thereabouts.”

billy-hatcher-coop-2

“Used a projector to display the chosen image onto the side of the coop, then roughly traced over that with a permanent marker. Surprisingly tricky to trace something when your hand casts a shadow, obscuring what you’re trying to trace. Once that was done, painted the basic flat colours and waited for it to dry. (Covered to stop rain, leaves, dirt and chickens sticking to the work-in-progress. Somehow 2 of them (Daisy and Gracey) still managed to get white paint on them…although, thinking about it, Amelia might have as well, but as she’s white anyway it’s hard to tell.)”

billy-hatcher-coop-1

“A few days later, mixed the paints up a bit into lighter and darker shades and started adding the shading. Did a couple of colours one evening, another few on another day, took about a month in total but only really about 8 hours or so of actual sitting-there-painting. Once all the shading was done, then went round outlines again with the finer brushes. Once that was complete, had to buy a tin of clear varnish as the cheap Dulux sample tins are only available as water-based stuff, suitable for indoor use, but not for being left outdoors on a chicken coop. So add another tenner to the overall cost = £135. Now complete, varnished and housing two ‘bluebell’ chickens – Agatha and Tabatha.”

billy-hatcher-coop-3

“And I now have several 3/4 full tins of paint and various jam jars with splashes of mixed up shades of colours in, sat in the shed making me wonder what to paint next? And if that’s all far too dull and workman-like, here’s a pretentious write up on/review of the artistic side…” – GigerPunk.

AND SO IT CONTINUES:
“Let us consider this new Mixed media installation recently created and displayed in South Wales.

“It has a naive rustic charm, which contrasts beautifully with the clean and crisp lines of the original piece created by Sonic Team from which inspiration for this work was obviously drawn as well as a pop-art copyist simplicity not seen since the works of Lichtenstein and encompassing both video game art, post-structuralism and carpentry.

“It is absolutely perfect in its setting and placement, seeming at first inspection to be an almost purely functional piece work, but comes alive due to its delightful aesthetic features, not least of which is the way the artist forces one to come down to the level of a child (or even, once might say, a simple chicken) in order to view it clearly.

“Seemingly almost inspired by Humes principles of pains and pleasures, the childlike use of colours and brushwork mirrors perfectly the immature nature of the original subject matter, whilst the imperfections brought about by the natural grain of the wood, coupled with the warping caused by it being left out in the rain for many weeks before paint was applied symbolizes the absolute essence of a joyful game ruined by a pig of a collision detection system that caused you to become separated from your all-important egg when it was least convenient.

“In short, it is an interesting work from this new artist, an up and coming rural equivalent to the more urban ‘Banksy’ and I keenly await the next addition to Giger’s oeuvre.

“I would value this piece, for insurance purposes, at approximately 100 pounds.”

Oh, and one more thing… hold tight. You were reading all of the above with a Welsh accent, yes?

Never before has a man been so thoroughly documented.

Comments (21)

AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING THESE DAYS, ZOOL?

Times may well be quite hard for hedgehogs, but we don’t exactly live in a world that’s overrun by ninja fucking ants, either, do we?

zool advert

Taken from this scanned-in archive of the first issue of PC Zone.

Comments (9)

LEVEL 5 – OBESE

Good lord, we’re… EXCITED about something made by people on the internet! The below image is a collection of sprites from Sonic 2 XL – a hacked version of Sonic 2 where Sonic gets fat from collecting rings. And it messes with the physics accordingly.

sonic 2 xl

“I know you’ll like this shit right here. Two members at Sonic Retro have just released a hack called Sonic 2 XL where the rings are replaced with onion rings. If you eat too much, Sonic gets fat and can’t jump as high or run as fast. It’s absolutely incredible and completely changes the gameplay of the original game (plus, it’s hard as hell). I did a write up on it with all the info” – Brad

This video does a better job of selling it. Excitement level slowly increasing back to where it was some 24 hours earlier.

Comments (8)