It’s about statistics. We have no reason to doubt the authenticity of the research. Some people find this sort of thing interesting!

These “PlayStation3” Killzone pics are more OBVIOUS LIES of what Sony says its PlayStation3 is capable of, for you to save – then RUB IN THEIR SMUG LIFESTYLE-BRANDED FACES when the machine actually arrives.

Obviously, sane people like us lot are fully aware that a console which won’t be on sale for another YEAR is unlikely to have been sitting in a development office in fully completed form for the last six months so a bunch of averagely-talented developers can copy Halo 2.

That goes without saying, right?

So this isn’t real then, is it?

Please post this image on internet forums and say how it OBVIOUSLY isn’t real time. We would, but really can’t be bothered going through the registration processes required.

We recommend pointing out that anyone who thinks PS3 games will actually look like this is a “lamer” who, quite possibly, “sucks hard”. You earn double points if the person saying it’s real is a 35-year-old games journalist who really ought to have learned about how things work by now.

Anyway, we’re off to dream about flipping open a Revolution and fingering its holes.

On the plus side, there’s a ludicrous press release to poke fun at. Which we be doin’ right thur:

“‘I’m as excited about 50 Cent: Bulletproof as I am about the success of my album, The Massacre and that means a lot since music has always been my life,” said 50 Cent. “The new freestyles and the addition of Eminem and Dre show that this game is on the right course to follow in the successful footsteps of my music’.”

“The game will offer a sound studio mode in which gamers can mix and match new original freestyles by 50 Cent with new beats straight from the G Unit camp.”

“In 50 Cent’s video game, 50 gets caught in a web of corruption, double-crosses and shady deals that lead him on a bloody path through New York’s drug underworld.”

“The streets heat up as 50 Cent takes on the most dangerous crime families in the city, uncovering an international conspiracy with devastating implications.”

“More information about the game can be found at http://www.the50centgame.com/

:(

E3 RUNNING TOTAL: +8

“The video game franchise that defines the action-driving genre and is the standard for interactive Hollywood car chases is back as Atari today announced that the next game in the Driver series is currently in development by its award-winning studio, Reflections Interactive”

How many years ago were those awards won now?

:(

E3 RUNNING TOTAL: +9

Look! It’s a new 2D Sonic game for Nintendo DS called Sonic Rush!

Look! It’s “forgotten classic” arcade game Sonic the Fighters as part of the Sonic Gems collection!

Look! It’s Richard Jacques breakout game Sonic R, also a part of Sonic Gems. Oddly, Sonic Gems is only confirmed for Gamecube in the US and Europe and PlayStation2 in Europe. No Xbox? No Euro GC launch? Weird, but still AMAZINGLY COOL!

LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! It’s Sonic CD from Sega Gems! This really ruins the massive Sonic CD update we’ve been creating!

Look! It’s a 15-year-old retro game remade for mobile phone!

Awesome! This sort of retro business is OK when Sega does it!

E3 RUNNING TOTAL: +10

Look. It’s Mario playing football in Super Mario Strikers:

Look. It’s Mario dancing in Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix:

Look. The lead character of Zelda Twilight Princess looks a bit different than before.

Look. It’s the same thing in another different case.

Abysmal. Nintendo sucks these days :(

E3 RUNNING TOTAL: -10

Game journalists, STOP! Step away from the keyboard. We do not want to read another report about how AMAZING!! the PS3 is or how it OUTCLASSED!!! the XBOX 360. Don’t you remember the PS1 launch? Have you learnt nothing? Did you PLAY any of those games at E3? Or did you just watch them on a screen? Look up the words TECH and DEMO and then tell us how good PS3 really is in 9 months time.

This image of “Motorstorm” is what Sony says its PlayStation 3 is capable of. Save this picture. Keep it. Print it out and carry it around with you. Burn it to a CD in case your hard drive goes. Stick it up on your wall…

…because when the machine comes out WE WILL BE CHECKING to see if this “screenshot” is from a game or, more likely, NOT.

We’re not putting up with being lied to AGAIN.

You can’t move for “respect up” bonuses :(

BBC NEWS | Politics | ‘Respect’ key to Blair third term

Great news! There’s NO WAY ON EARTH PlayStation3 will do anything with a controller like that!

:)

E3 RUNNING TOTAL: +10