This update’s for you, Mister Semicolon Emoticon.

MISTER SEMICOLON EMOTICOOO-HON!

In an age when we can say the most painfully patronising things to complete strangers – things that would get us punched to within an inch of our lives if we said them down the Kebab and Calculator – without ANY FEAR OF PHYSICAL REPRISAL or even the VAGUEST POSSIBILITY of SETTING FOOT ON THE SAME CONTINENT as our target, you make it possible for us to STILL grinningly deny that we are doing anything confrontational with a little HEY! IT’S THE INTERNET! AREN’T WE ALL BEST MATES REALLY, DESPITE THE FACT THAT MY POISONOUS LITTLE EXISTANCE MAKES YOU WANT TO KNAW YOUR OWN COLLARBONE OFF! disclaimer.

SNIIIDE AND COWARDLY!

So this one’s for you, mister… for bringing us all just three easy keypresses from being an agonising shitstain who should be put in a washing machine full of jagged halfbricks until their bodies die.

THAAA-HA-HANK YOOOOOOOU! ;)