All over the world ringtone technology is improving, and all over the world idiotic companies are using it to produce a more bass-heavy version of the theme from Inspector Gadget or The A-Team. ONLY UK:Resistance can offer the ringtones that are assured to take their customers back to their childhoods.

10 – Spectrum “Agent X” theme
9 – Pounding heartbeat and tolling bell from Knightmare
8 – Sound of muffled crying from bedroom next door
7 – Looped sample of Jet Set Willy death noise
6 – Slamming door
5 – Sound of datacorder being played for 20 seconds, stopped, rewound and replayed, repeatedly and tearfully
4 – Infantile crying accompanied by heavy, pacing footsteps. VERSION 2 – Pacing becomes more urgent and threatening the longer you allow the phone to ring!
3 – Theme tune from Top Of The Class. WARNING TO COMMUTERS – side-effects include Debbie McGee-induced Pavlovian erection
2 – “It’ll be our secret” whispered menacingly over and over
1 – “Children Of The Sun, Stick Your Fingers Up Your Bum”

Offer open only as long as it takes for Tim Childs to Google himself and sue us. Pre-order NOW! When Volume 2: The 90s launches, pre-order customers receive two ringtones – both Saturn memory card being frantically re-jiggled AND Saturn MPG card being frantically re-jiggled – FREE!