Below you see a screenshot of our last, best hope for saving the world in action. Thus far we have trained it to do the following things:

1) If Nicebloke detects a large number of male pronouns in a sentence it will recognise a moan, and randomly generate sympathy.

2) If Nicebloke recognises a phrase commonly associated with leaving, it will make a play for attention.

3) Any request for confirmation of something will prompt the response “OF COURSE NOT.”

4) If Nicebloke is unable to recognise the syntax of a sentence, it will employ a diversionary tactic.

We haven’t taught it to punctuate properly yet, so all the stock phrases are in captials. Bear with us though,we’ll soon have it unleashed on Yahoo! Bridge.