The drama queens at anti-piracy boredom-enforcer ELSPA have decided to jump on the “blame benefit claimants for everything” bandwagon, using such ANGRY TABLOID PHRASES as “falsely claiming benefits” and “lining their pockets with tax payers money” in an attempt to make video game piracy sound as important and dangerous as, say, smuggling drugs or having a gun.

Here’s how they’ve tried to make video game piracy sound as important and dangerous as smuggling drugs or having a gun:

Tax payers money? TAX PAYERS MONEY? We’d rather it went to video game pirates — who at least give us something in return — than students. What’s ELSPA doing about students? NOTHING. That’s the real crime. If you eliminate the students, you eliminate the demand for getting things for free. We’d even vote for the Liberal Democrats if they said they were going to “stop students”.

PS:
We want a secret cupboard. Their secret cupboard was obviously rubbish. Ours would be so secret that Michael Rawlinson wouldn’t ever find it.