There’s a game called F.E.A.R. coming out on PC. In the amazing, ironic way our mind works, this got us thinking about the Ian Brown song that’s also called F.E.A.R. — in which Ian ‘Crack-face’ Brown sings a whole song only using words that start with F, E, A and R.

We though we’d try and come up with some F.E.A.R.’s for what the game F.E.A.R. might be about. We’re not going to bother trying to make them rhyme with each other, that’d be going too far.

You might want to skip this update and come back tomorrow. We’re not expecting anyone to email in saying they liked this, if that helps take the pressure off.

OUR VIDEO GAME F.E.A.R.’s (please read them in the style of the Song):

Fantastic Early Artwork Renders
Futuristic Earth’s Apocalyptic Remains
Find Every Ancient Route
Familiar Exploration, Awful Resolution

Forgotten Enemy After Revenge
Fight Endless AI Robots
Fucking Enemies All Respawn
Final Enemies Are Repetitious

Fire Energy At Retreaters
Frag Everything And Run
Fuck Every American Retard
For Elevator, Access Required

Fire Everything At Robotnik
Fight Earth, Alien Race!
Fire EMP, Axe, Revolver
For Ever As Ryu

Futile EA Annual Remake
False Enthusiasm At Retail
Feeling Endless Aeris Remorse
Forgettable Ending Adds Regret

Face Evil Attacking Relentlessly
Something Something, Ages Reloading.

That’s it. That’s how funny we are these days. With this and a rubbish joke about the RIAA suing radio listeners we’ve officially lost too many brain cells to be left in charge of web sites.



1: Fat women tripping over and falling into fountains (14th consecutive year at number one!)
2: Really excited dogs
3: Someone knocking a cup of tea off their desk and it going right in their bag

9,999,998: Dad’s bowel cancer
9,999,999: The new Ricky Gervais sitcom ‘Extras’
10,000,000: UK:Resistance circa 2005