Featuring the squarest blocks and an enhanced pushing engine, new Lara Croft: The Elixir of Life puts you at the heart of the crate pushing experience like no other video game!

This is from mobile phone game Tomb Raider: Elixir of Life, or as we refer to it Tomb Raider: Gradual Decline Into Miserable Lonely Death. If this was an internet game, we’d click on the link then get bored before it even finished loading. This is also the sort of selling of cheap, farmed-out, generic tat to kids for lots of money that makes us WISH WE’D THOUGHT OF DOING IT OURSELVES.