WAYNE’S WRITING TUTOR SAYS: “I’m a big fan of EA’s FIFA series and I’m really looking forward to getting my hands on the final version. The game is very popular with many other players, especially when we travel together for away matches, and it’s a great honour for a young player like myself to be chosen to be featured on the cover of FIFA,” said Wayne Rooney — IN EXCHANGE FOR MONEY.

“Your face, Wayne. HOLD IT OVER YOUR FACE”