Where Do Babies Come From is out in about a quarter of an hour, so now seems as good a time as any to justify why we’re going to buy it if we haven’t spent the money on Chateaux d’Spar ’05.

Project Rub was a difficult one for us. On the one hand it was about impressing a woman by drawing giant Sonics and Sega logos on the side of a building. On the other hand it was a wacky Japanese dating-based minigame collection, so in other words it was like Sakura Wars but without any gameplay, carnage or airbrushed nudity.

Just when you thought things were hopeless, though, the game redeemed itself with a scene called “Seeker.” To precis, having saved the girl from scorpions, kidnappings and sharks she then drops all her shit in the sand. You have to find the exact items she dropped in TEN SECONDS FLAT or she gets angry, blames you and dumps you. We don’t know WHAT happened last time Yuji Naka went dating, but he could clearly teach us a thing or two about bitterness.

SPOILER: Babies come from people who don't play video games having ACTUAL SEX

“I want my nail varnish. No, MY EXACT NAIL VARNISH. Does that even LOOK like my nail varnish? Don’t think I don’t know that you planned this whole thing. You’re STILL trying to get back at me for taping over the Ashes, aren’t you? Mum was right about you, you bloody mummy’s boy.”

We can’t wait to see how the new Rub game can top this. Our money is on a subgame set in a hot room where you use the stylus to open or close the window, and she tuts if you open it and tuts if you don’t open it.