So much for the internet killing magazines off! This one (the FIFTH Xbox 360 magazine in the UK now) is by Uncooked Media, which we’ve never heard of but are reliably informed is a small-to-medium-sized name in the world of anime magazines.

This is what it’s made:

It’s only three quid and definitely green enough to be about Xbox.

It’s only three quid because it comes with a “free online disc”. It turns out an “online disc” is a web site you go to to download really old movies of Kameo from E3 by typing in a password out of the mag.

Suffice to say? The use of phrases “suffice to say” and “sweaty mitts” reveals the people writing this magazine are (a) old, (b) isolated from modern pop culture, and (c) probably haven’t read any games magazines in the last 20 years else they’d realise what tired old cliches they’re using.

They have an interview with the Frag Dolls. It’s a bit boring, because they don’t talk about which ones they’d like to have sex with, nor do they refer to them by their proper title — which is “Entirely Fabricated Girl Gaming Clan The Frag Dolls”. They’ve also managed to ask the least interesting interview question we’ve ever seen; “Who would win in a fight between Joanna Dark and Lara Croft?”. Whoever did that interview must have even less experience at talking to girls than we do!

Some rubbish about clans. The problem with doing things about Xbox clans is there’s only about three of them that ever join in with things like this, so after a while you run out. These ones have already been in all the other Xbox magazines’ clans sections.

This is why putting photos of the readers in a magazine is always a bit of a bad idea. He’s not a weirdo or anything, just not… aspirational.

The editor’s letter is probably a bit wordy. When we write imaginary editor’s letters in our head for the imaginary time someone lets us be in charge of an imaginary magazine, they’re much shorter. And loads funnier!

NEW LOW REACHED: A war game feature with the headline “War! What is it good for?”. This is the oldest, laziest, most well-worn headline in magazines today. Maybe if this was 1984 and Zzap! magazine it would be just about acceptable. If we were ever in charge of a magazine and one of our staff seriously suggested calling a war feature “War! What is it good for?” we’d compose a very strongly-worded email for them to read when they sit back down at their desk.

AND ANOTHER ONE: “Around the World in 60 Games” is also shit and old and massively over-used. Changing it to “360” doesn’t make it any better. We can’t wait for next issue’s Games of 2006 feature, which we’re prepared to bet our lives on being called “2006: A Games Odyssey”.

It’s a bit poor, but for a first attempt at a games magazine by new people that obviously aren’t aware of the “veritable smorgasbord” of over-used gaming cliches from the last 20 years, it’s an OK go at it. 5/10.