We know a man who went! “Doctor Vangtros” sent us this gonzo photo report from Xbox 360’s launch event in the Mojave desert. It’s quite good.

We loved it, because we could sit down with all the Sega games and Dead or Alive 4 and actually play them properly. It’s not like at E3, where fat beardy men or short, dumpy, spotty, ugly, ginger women with hunchbacks and buck-teeth are soiling the controllers and headphones, rendering them undesirable for use.

Refreshingly, the event had some VERY NORMAL PEOPLE in attendance.

It was also great, because there was SO MUCH SPACE to relax and stretch our legs in.

Probably a bit too much space, really.

Definitely too much space. A whole desert was probably too big a location for it, to be honest. Maybe a trendy nightclub might be a better idea for the next one.

Organised fun! We hate organised fun. Being told to have fun and being given something to have fun with IS NOT FUN. It’s like school or prison or an office training day where you have to be nice to all the people you hate.

Now THIS is fun! They had SLUTS on hand to entertain, though being as this was set in the arse-end of nowhere, they couldn’t find high quality sluts (they can’t get their sugar daddies to drive them further than a half hour out of town). So this is what we got.

Not that impressive. Oh well. Better luck next time.

There were some attractive girls thankfully. We met some of the PMS girls that were actually rather nice and pretty, though whereas the PMS girls were mostly 7/10s at best, the fact they really actually do play games made them 8-and-a-halves. We saw the ginger frag doll (US) walking around, but she’s ugly so we ignored her.

There were also random hot girls who weren’t PMS girls or sluts. They were friendly and gave us a faceplate that we’ll probably Ebay later for heroin, or more beer for dad, because dad gets very very upset when he doesn’t have beer.

We even spotted a scene of on-set lovemaking between two large people. It was such a sight that a man riding a child’s bike just had to stop and stare.

It truly was an exciting event.

It was like Woodstock only about games. People will be talking about this event for minutes to come. It might possibly even be mentioned tomorrow before being forgotten forever.

Come back next week when we’ll open up each page of the DOA4 calendar we won and have a pictorial on each pointlessly safe-for-work image (before selling it on Ebay).

Thanks to Microsoft for a thrilling event!

You did a great job of taking photos of women from up close and with their consent, instead of from far away and secretly which is the best we’ve ever managed. More anonymous gonzo photography, please!