ARE MOBILE PHONE GAMES ANY GOOD YET?
Yes they are! Starting from today! Starting from the day Monkey Ball Mini Golf comes out for mobile phone:
Monkeys — check! Pretty clouds — check! Checkpoints — check. Bananas — CHECKITY-CHECK MOTHERFUCKER!
The game’s site has an extremely unnecessary PDF manual explaining how to play it. The main thing is it involves having a certain number of bananas.
Each time you collect a thing, you get another of a different thing. This is how games are supposed to work! Only Sega understands this properly. Sega is the last survivor from the Golden Age. If Sega dies, this knowledge will die with it and games will only ever be about running drugs for the mafia and smoking crack in hotel rooms with prostitutes.
Points! You play to accumulate “points”. Younger readers might like to know that “points” is what “respect” used to be called in the old days.
Each course has an objective. Your objective is measured in bananas. Your objective is MEASURED IN BANANAS! We measure everything in bananas. We’re 34 bananas tall, weigh 1,050 bananas and our penis is 0.7 of a banana.
IT’S ONLY THREE QUID FROM HERE AND IS SORT OF BY SEGA SO CAN’T BE THAT BAD EVEN THOUGH IT’S FOR A PHONE:
Monkey Ball Mini Golf – iFone
filed in Uncategorized on Jan.12, 2006
January 12th, 2006 on 6:07 pm
I miss Bakue Baku Animal. It had monkeys and bananas, and was on a saturn. It was made by sega… and it probably has a blue sky in there somewhere too. It is also technically a ‘retro game’ now.
So in the views of some people it would be a classic game.
But actually, no one knows what the fuck I’m talking about. Making this a sad, sad day.
January 12th, 2006 on 6:24 pm
i like bannas but not as much as melons!
January 12th, 2006 on 6:35 pm
You’re 34 bananas tall?? that’s MASSIVE!!
Slightly out of proportion with the 0.7 too *snigger*
January 12th, 2006 on 8:16 pm
I just bought this. The link they sent me didn’t work. Someone will pay
January 12th, 2006 on 8:26 pm
S.F.R. –
Yeah, I remember Baku Baku Animal, it was sort of like tetris with fruit and stuff and if you got beat a big Lion’s face came down and ate the screen! It was fantastic, and if I remember rightly, it DID feature an obscene amount of blue sky!
January 12th, 2006 on 8:45 pm
On this sad, sad day I decieded to get my Saturn out and play on the demo disc of Baku Baku Animal that came free with Sega Saturn Magazine.
Yes, you are right. It has an obscene amount of blue sky and many cute animals. I only have this game as I could never find the full game due to Sega’s excellent distribution of Saturn games.
January 12th, 2006 on 11:39 pm
hey mqblank – guess what? That’s the same demo disc I played the demo on. I never had the full game either for the same reasons. But there was a PC version released, which well, it is a PC game, this is the internet… do I need to give anymore away?
January 13th, 2006 on 12:51 am
Zoo Keeper is the fucking money.
January 13th, 2006 on 12:58 am
piracy hurts the fucking industry you fuck
January 13th, 2006 on 4:21 pm
Yes s.f.r, how dare you deprive Sega of the doubtless streams of revenue they would acquire if you found a battered copy in Cash Converters for £1.99 and bought that instead!
January 13th, 2006 on 6:17 pm
the music for the level on the saturn demo was great. it’s on my itunes playlist.
January 13th, 2006 on 8:18 pm
I’m sorry to say it, but mobile phone games are still WANK. Try call of duty 2 on your phone, and you’ll see what I mean.
At least SEGA know how to take the edge off though.
January 13th, 2006 on 9:11 pm
Yeah, I only played Baku Baku on the demo disk too. I dont think I ever saw the full game for sale. Although I do remember some pretty annoying animated animal heads that sort of zoomed around abit or something. Was it on the same demo disk that had ‘Keoi’s flying squadron’ or something on it?
January 13th, 2006 on 9:32 pm
Baku Baku Animal was amazing…
Well, yeah the demo disk level. That’s all I had too. In the US we got it in the mail to help spread word of Sega’s desperate Toys R Us / Saturn promotional campaign of 1997 (buy 2 games, get 1 free!).
January 13th, 2006 on 10:33 pm
Right, i’m going to have to weigh in here. I have Monkey Ball on GC. Now there is a little thing called an analogue stick used to smoothly guide the monkeys off the edge to their deaths (well occasionly to the goal). Phones don’t even a have a d-pad for god’s sake, they just have badly spaced buttons. It will be shit.
January 13th, 2006 on 11:12 pm
Tomleecee, nearly right. It had NiGHTS, Sega Worldwide Soccer and Athlete Kings on it, but I also have the disc with Keio Flying Squadron on it (It also had Loaded Alien Trilogy and Exhumed) I’ve also found a demo disc with Bug! on it. Anyone remember that pile of shit?
January 14th, 2006 on 1:51 am
“Now there is a little thing called an analogue stick used to smoothly guide the monkeys off the edge to their deaths (well occasionly to the goal).”
My phone has one of those analogue dots.
January 14th, 2006 on 12:52 pm
Yeah, but I bet it’s rubbish though.
January 14th, 2006 on 3:31 pm
Those teeny tiny ‘analog’ sticks on phones are in fact digital. They generally only register four directions of movement, and don’t AT ALL measure how far you push them, since their travel is so miniscule anyway.
Yeah, I remember Bug. I’ve got it sat on the shelf X| it is truly shite. Thank God that franchise never got anywhere.
January 14th, 2006 on 4:07 pm
yeah, I had Bug! and Bug Too!, IT WAS WANK. While we’re on the subject of the saturn, anyone remember Guardian Heroes? Possibly the greatest 2D side scroller ever made.
January 14th, 2006 on 8:15 pm
Yep, I’ve still got Guardian Heroes (although the god-awful Saturn box has come away from the paper cover after all these years). Truly one of the best games on the Saturn and I don’t think any of the current generation consoles have produced a better side scrolling beat’em up. The GBA version just doesn’t come close.
January 14th, 2006 on 9:30 pm
I like bananas, but I prefer pirates.
All your bananas are belongs to us.
January 14th, 2006 on 11:18 pm
Bug Too! did suck, the designers couldn’t decide whether they wanted to make a 2D or 3D game and the result was a mess.
January 15th, 2006 on 1:39 am
mqblank:
so true, there’s nothing close the GH on the current consoles – even the multiplayer kicks ass! And those Saturn cases…what the hell were Sega thinking? Although the ‘worst cases ever’ award has to go to…well, sega for the dreamcast ones – show me a case with hinges intact.
January 15th, 2006 on 8:24 pm
I have a banana-phone. Like Bananaman did.
So you, and this little game of yours, can suck my plaintain. Bioootches.
January 16th, 2006 on 10:46 am
It’s nice to know I’m probably the only person here who played Baku Baku Animal properly, even though I only rented it from Blockbuster. When you completed the game it said “BACU BACU START” at the end, which was a nice way of telling you what to enter at the title screen. Can’t remember what the cheat actually did though…