She’s a whole three course meal of lovely! Plus she’s quite “ample” so there’s enough of her to feed a whole 747 of starving men, should Flight 844 go down on a mountain due to blizzard conditions.

Karima Adebibe and her lifelike lips

We’ll bite her lips off first, as a sort of starter. They’re OK to eat raw. Although seeing as she’s 20, pretty, and used to work in Top Shop, she’s bound to be riddled with STDs so we might have to pasteurise them first to be safe.

What kind of name is Karima? Stupid pikey parents

Then we’ll have a couple of slices of belly. It’s fatty meat, a bit like duck. She’s got enough to go round. She’s almost like a real woman!


Eyeballs for pudding, like being on holiday in France.

Knocks Nell McAndrew down into second place

She’ll probably have died from blood loss by now so the rest of her can go in the freezer for special occasions, like when we celebrate a successful piece of social interaction.