IT’S GOT TO GET WORSE BEFORE IT CAN GET BETTER
Imagine a line graph, then imagine this at its very lowest point:
It’s an absolutely disgraceful game called “CarJacker: Hotwired and Gone” in which you play a black man in a vest who steals cars. If we’d made this up ourselves we’d be called MASSIVE RACISTS and would get on the front page of Metro. Things can only get better from now on for the video games industry, SURELY?
THE DEPTH-PLUMBING PRESS RELEASE:
IncaGold, the fast-growing publisher of PC leisure/entertainment games and mobile phone content, is pleased to announce the March release of “CarJacker: Hotwired and Gone” as part of IncaGold’s mass-market PC range in the UK, Ireland, Channel Islands and Isle of Man.If you like your action fast, furious and dangerous then “CarJacker: Hotwired and Gone” will present you with a plethora of challenges to test your mettle and see if you have the ‘bottle’ to fit in and survive on the other side of the law.
Fast driving at the wheel of some seriously powerful cars, avoiding the cops, hand to hand fighting and even bribing those who could make your life easier are just a few of the necessities of a normal day but there are plenty out there who will make your life tougher than you wish!
They say that crime does not pay but hey, you could soon change that if you have the means to survive and get ahead. Ten missions of dramatic action come to life as you begin to work your way up the ladder of shady dealings. To furnish your life of crime what better way to grab some easy, extra cash than to ferry willing punters around the city in your own yellow cab? Sounds too mundane? Well, the more passengers you can get in 15 minutes of mad cap driving then the more cash you’ll earn but the police are on every corner watching and waiting for you to break the law and don’t forget to top up on the petrol and don’t knock over too many pedestrians!
Perform dangerous acts of car jacking, face up, fight and knuckle your way to success, and eventually seize power in the city by destroying the enemy gang. All of these and many other challenges could well take their toll if you are not tough, mean and astute.
Onscreen information, including city map, money counter, timer, health, felony and damage meters, are helpful tools to assist you in your goal for supremacy!
Fun addictive gameplay, with realistic simulated actions and colourful presentation, add up to one seriously compelling game but you must take care never to break the law … too many times!
Features include:
# Ten excellent missions, each with unique gameplay elements
# Mixed types of gameplay: action plus theft (TWO TYPES OF GAMEPLAY THEN, BOTH OF WHICH COULD REALLY BE CLASSED AS ‘ACTION’)
# Frequency scanner, wrench tool, picklock to help you carjack!
# Several luxury cars to steal
# 2 types of weapons (THIS IS JUST SPOILING US!)
# Hand-to-hand fighting
# Huge living city with lots of pedestrians & vehicle traffic
# When the going gets tough the tough get going (HOW IS THIS A FEATURE?)
“CarJacker: Hotwired and Gone” 16+ rating will be published by IncaGold and distributed by Pinnacle in March 2006.
filed in Uncategorized on Mar.20, 2006
March 20th, 2006 on 1:19 pm
Surely it should simply be called *theft auto*? Or perhaps *classic theft auto* or *pay as you go theft auto*?
March 20th, 2006 on 2:57 pm
At least the sky’s blue.
March 20th, 2006 on 5:04 pm
Wow i cant wait to get this. I cant see how people are even given money for this game. “Yeah lets make a game about black men stealing/”Jacking” cars, what a great idea! Why even show me this its not even about Sega!
March 20th, 2006 on 5:10 pm
‘Why even show me this its not even about Sega! ‘
because it is not by Sega, so by default it makes Sega look better.
besides which Zorg has a moral obligation to make sure we don’t waste our smack money on duff games.
March 20th, 2006 on 7:40 pm
How about PC-Sega pr0n?
March 20th, 2006 on 8:41 pm
Oh fuck I think I’ve soiled myself THAT GAME LOOKS FUCKING AWESOME!
Does it have any 50 cent tracks in it? Damn that’d be cool as hell.
March 20th, 2006 on 8:55 pm
hideous…simply hideous. Not the social connotations – it’s the fact that it’s the most bare-faced rip off of GTA I’ve ever seen. WHATS HAPPENED TO ORIGINALITY? An emergency session on Space Channel 5 is the only thing that can calm me down right now…
March 21st, 2006 on 3:37 am
Hum. At least it has blue skies!
March 21st, 2006 on 1:13 pm
The sky may be “blue”, but that doesn’t save it. Not when it is filled with brooding, overcast clouds as it is.
I think a part of me just died a horrible death.