We’ve been sent photos of an amazing thing. It’s a… we can’t even tell. But it says SEGA on it, so is amazing. Now we’re going to have to source and buy one which usually takes a year and costs no less than 100 pounds, then ends in disappointment with us trying to pretend it’s better than it actually is.

“Thought you might like this one” says OFFICIAL UKR SEGA NEWS SCOUT Ivan. You’re damn right we like it, Ivan. WE LIKE IT A FUCKING LOAD! It’s like you’ve been reading our internet diary or something. Have you been reading our internet diary? Spying on us, Ivan? Only you seem to really know the sort of things we like. Funny that. Seems like a bit of a coincidence, mate. BACK OFF, OK? BACK OFF.

The name “translates as the ‘SEGA Body Action Game Souson Horse Racing'” Ivan says. Which means he knows a bit of Japanese. Yeah, now the tables have turned, Ivan. We’re spying on YOU. We’ve got your email address which means we know your surname. We might just start posting on the internet as “Ivan Mecking” making wildly inaccurate posts about your personal life and what you’re into. Like, we might sign up to Gaming-Age as “Ivan_Mecking” and post lots of messages asking for help installing Microsoft Flight Simulator 2005.

The quest to own one begins.