TAILS FOUND ALIVE AND WELL IN LOCAL CHEMIST SHOP
For ONLY 1.99! It’s amazing, the local chemist once again shows that it’s the greatest breed of shop. Having already proved it’s worth over the last eight years with a steady and never-ending stock of powerful Valium pills and industrial strength lubricants we didn’t think it could be any better. We were wrong. They have truly outdone themselves this time:
It’s some kind of cosmic sign that this still exists and is on a shelf after 15 years. Perhaps there’s even some kind of metaphor for SEGA there. We have ZERO doubt at all that were we to open this wonderful little bottle of gaming merchandise DELIGHT, it would actually smell of 1992, Mega Drive, and Becky Boroughclough’s hair.
THIS IS THE SCIENCE BIT:
In fact the bottle has been opened now and the reaction it has elicited from people includes:
“Smells of ‘Tolkien powder’.”
“Smells of grannies.”
“Oh fuck it smells of liquid.”
“It smells of cocaine.” (After snorting it.)
“It smells just like Tails – SHIT.”
This on-the-spot report provided by guest updater The Cap’n.
filed in GONZO on May.30, 2006
May 30th, 2006 on 3:14 pm
and amazingly, you cannot read the name of the Chemist, so much for you nurturing our Skalking behaviour
May 30th, 2006 on 3:24 pm
I can tell you where it is from but it’s going to cost you a lot.
May 30th, 2006 on 5:03 pm
I think you need to find a new chemist cleary they are still living in the past. We have spongebob shampoo now….actually wheres this shop its clearly the best
May 30th, 2006 on 5:05 pm
I still have three of these matey bottles lying in a suitcase full of Sonic junk in my loft. I can’t remember if I emptied them out or not.
May 30th, 2006 on 8:32 pm
I saw Tails trying to tip over a wheely bin the other night. Times must be hard. Will he get any (much needed) royalties from your purchase?
May 31st, 2006 on 9:00 am
i’d guess the chemist is in Sorbo’ or Stortford, I can’t see Zorg as being the kinda of person who would feel comfortable in Braintree
May 31st, 2006 on 9:45 am
You’re assuming that Zorg found it himself. It clearly says the update came from The Cap’n at the bottom.
May 31st, 2006 on 3:56 pm
the Cap’n
now that sounds like someone cursed by Braintree
June 1st, 2006 on 9:55 pm
i wish we had chemists in our merry wee hamlet
June 1st, 2006 on 10:59 pm
We have chemist in our wii hamlet. Two of them.
June 2nd, 2006 on 4:53 am
All I’m interested in is whether the gel is a clear colour, or whether it’s a more suspicious translucent white colour….
In which case, is there perhaps a more suspect reason Tails is pictured on the front?
And, also in which case, could I use this “substance” to impregnate my girlfriend with some bizarre half-human-half-fox-with-two-tails hybrid?
In which case (also, also) that would KICK ASS.
June 2nd, 2006 on 3:47 pm
i had one 10 years ago, i kept it for 5 years in the bathroom! (wasn’t great after all :D)