…in return for an hour of ‘full personal service’ with any two out of the following ten entrants in its ‘Search For Any Kind Of Sexy Woman’ t-shirt model competition:

Used, then dead by next Tuesday Kept alive for a year

Those two specifically, but any of the rest would probably also do for what we have in mind*. They’ve made the classic mistake of putting their real names on the web site, so we’ll have them all geographically pinpointed to within five metres and added to MySpace within the hour. Although, judging from her dental records, Lorena Linx is loads more than 21 and needs some seriously expensive root canal work so she’s out of the equation.

*Telling them how life isn’t fair for ages while they don’t interrupt or say anything about themselves, then starting to cry and having them tell us it’s all going to be OK while we smell their hair and remember what mum’s hair used to smell like back when everything used to be OK. Then spunking on their tummies and getting a Chinese on the way home.