THE WORST THING SEGA HAS EVER DONE. EVER!
Ever ever and also by miles. It’s a PRETEND INTERVIEW with Sonic The Hedgehog. This featured in The Sun, which is a bit like a newspaper for people who aren’t really that good at reading. Hey SEGA. You know that thing where random people on the internet just love you for no reason? THIS IS DESTROYING IT!
As a punishment for doing this, tomorrow we’re going to pick a Nintendo game at random and write something about how awesome it is. Every time SEGA does something rubbish from now on, we’ll do this. Until it learns.
A POINT ABOUT SONIC’S AGE
Sonic can’t be 15. His first game came out 15 years ago. So if he was 15, he would’ve been zero in 1991. This piece is LITTERED with inaccuracies.
filed in Uncategorized on Jul.05, 2006
July 5th, 2006 on 2:40 pm
I like how the main picture shows Sonic in his prime; a fit, strapping young hedgehog. And then inset, the bumbling, fat, old fool that he is today – having to use an internet cafe because his Dreamkey license has been cut off.
Actually, I’d like to think he’s using that internet cafe to wank off to the porno of Creme the Rabbit.
Edit: I just read the article and realised it’s not an internet cafe, and is actually The Sun newspaper HQ… which could make me look an idiot for making a mistake – but just makes the Sun look even more shit for having such a crap office.
July 5th, 2006 on 4:17 pm
Fuck sake. If this is the new improved Sega appealling to all the FIFA buying shit heads then whats left of the industry has died leaving EA and Sony to fuck everyone over (even more).
July 5th, 2006 on 5:46 pm
Stop feeding hedgehogs bread and milk, you fucking old granny shits. How would you like it if someone fed you rusty nails and diarrhoea instead of sherry and Murray Mints with all hair out your handbag stuck all over them?
Hedgehogs, as carnivorous animals, should only be fed on cat/dog food and the like. And they drink FUCKING WATER. Is that too hard to remember? And gold rings.
July 5th, 2006 on 5:52 pm
And Jonathan Weinberg, unless you had a loaded gun to your temple and your nuts in a barb-wire-filled vice that was slowly being tightened by your editor when he told you this piece was going in, I hope you go and cry yourself to sleep at night, every night, about what a worthless piece of shit you are. That is all. Have a nice day.
July 5th, 2006 on 7:26 pm
Why does Sonic have the evil eyes of The Bliar? Something is wrong here. Very wrong.
July 5th, 2006 on 8:23 pm
I’m laughing like a loon at
“Stop feeding hedgehogs bread and milk, you fucking old granny shits. How would you like it if someone fed you rusty nails and diarrhoea instead of sherry and Murray Mints with all hair out your handbag stuck all over them?”
July 5th, 2006 on 8:34 pm
About Sonic not being 15, well, umm, you do realise that Sonic is an actual living creature? If the first Sonic game was released in 1991 then that was the birth of the character, so yes, he was zero in 1991. So yes, he is 15. You wanna fight?
July 5th, 2006 on 9:28 pm
!OMG that’s so gay. And by gay I mean wrong, not that there’s anything wrong with being gay. So that’s OMG!
July 6th, 2006 on 1:26 am
Niero@Destructoid.com you’re wrong, there is.
July 6th, 2006 on 4:35 pm
Being a spazz I keep reading one phrase and it’s getting all jumbled up… I’m feeling ill at “drinking bowls of old ladies milk”…
Hope Sonic is ok. His home help doesn’t call as often she should.
July 7th, 2006 on 2:25 pm
I thought that Sonic had always been 15 years old? Certainly in my Sonic Rush manual, he is described as being 15.
July 9th, 2006 on 8:19 pm
Don’t make Sonic say “Wicked”, you dicks!
Oh, and I think Sonic was 15 in Sonic 3, too. Surely he’d be in his mid-20’s, now?
July 11th, 2006 on 9:57 am
I hate the gaming coverage in The Sun. I get angry at the git that writes fantastic things about EA games because he’s paid to do it. I sometimes get angry and draw a Hitler moustache on him.
Although, not as bad as The Star who are the biggest PS3 fanboys ever but still use the old PS3 pictures!
July 11th, 2006 on 6:25 pm
I sweated my balls off in that suit for that article, damn you!!!
Actually, it was the biggest fun I’ve ever had, ever. I don’t care if you like it or not.
July 12th, 2006 on 3:15 pm
Sonic saying “wicked”. God help us.
July 25th, 2006 on 8:04 pm
being a self proclaimed sonicophile since the master system days i must know as much about sonic as a stalker knows about his movie star. ive practically been through the hogs trash more times than is necessary…or healthy, and i can tell you all hes the biggest junk food fan ever. burgers, fries, choco shakes, pizzas, cola, the lot! his metabolism is off the scale so “fruit” or salads dont have the energy he needs to hit 768mph (or just about the speed of sound). i guess in todays society thats not a good diet to show to the kiddies.
April 26th, 2007 on 5:44 pm
Unbelievable. I am fucking speechless, what the bollocks were they thinking?