We’d like to apologise for saying Versus TV is “the best thing on the internet” – it’s quite clear to us now that it is actually THE WORST THING ON THE INTERNET EVER. Even including that photo of the man stretching his bottom really wide open.

Worse than that photo of the man stretching his bottom really wide open.

It’s also worse than that photo of that Japanese girl poo-ing beans over herself in the bath, even though that was actually quite arousing and we’ve probably got it saved somewhere.

This sudden change in heart was brought about by them complaining about us in the most amazingly hilarious spoilt-little-princess way imaginable, because they’re pretty girls on the internet who always have to have their way and couldn’t understand why we weren’t licking their shoes like all the clingy losers who populate their ‘forum’ and comment on their ‘blogs’.

So obviously we now have to brutally rip apart everything they ever do as revenge. Welcome to the shithouse, bitches!

So, let’s put ourselves through the abject torture that is listening to two full-of-themselves girls having boring opinions about really old games!

Ace! They’ve just done a review of Resident Evil 4! This is really handy, because it’s not like a million people have been saying all over the internet that Resident Evil 4 is really good for the last two years.

Great! And the other one’s talking about Halo 1 and Halo 2! This is really useful, as we often find there isn’t enough information and opinion about Halo 1 or Halo 2 already in the public domain. It’s almost as if the girls think their opinions are somehow important just because they’re girls.

“The gameplay seems simple at first. Perhaps it is” is about the brightest observation in this piece, which makes us really glad we held off buying Halo 2 for 18 months until we got the valuable opinion of a girl who works in a shop.

She pronounces arbiter “are-bite-er” which is wrong. Ha ha! The stupid cow!

She bought the Halo 2 comic book! Perhaps she bought it in a branch of GAME. There are lots of branches of GAME around the country, in places as varied as London, Basingstoke, Exeter (x2) and Bristol.

It would be TERRIBLE if someone was to take this innocent image, open it up in Photoshop and crudely superimpose two penises where those action figures are. It would then be the absolute FINAL STRAW if some sick pervert uploaded their foul creation to a free image hosting service, such as Imageshack, and posted the resulting link in the Comments field below this update. That would be horrible and distressing to say the least, especially if it was turned into some sort of sick competition about who could do it ‘best’, and we implore you all not to take such crude and base actions for it would sully the internet in a terrible manner we would not wish to be associated with.