IGN UK ASSEMBLES WORLD’S GREATEST COLLECTION OF CLICHES
IGN has launched its UK operation, using the blandest, most predictable and generic attempt at “British speak” we’ve ever seen. They’re trying to be ‘zany’ by inventing new words for the internet, like ‘worldwide Intertube’ :(
It’s also doing ‘funny’ captions that are placed beneath ‘amusing’ images like we do only without our unrealistic wage demands. This is because they’re British, and British people are funny and wacky! All of them! Literally everything a British person ever says is funny, as you can see from the above attempt at British Speak that was obviously written by an American.
IGN UK’S MOST PATRONISING LOWLIGHTS:
“That’s right — IGN has moved across the Atlantic and opened an office in olde Londontowne”
“IGN’s US and UK staff will form an invincible gaming Voltron hell-bent on defeating Robeasts throughout the galaxy”
“We’ll also provide some UK reviews to give a second opinion on many games that appeal to a more European audience, such as rally racing and soccer titles”
“Expect the use of words such as “colour,” “blimey” and “wanker” in those articles”
The full English cliche-fest is here: IGN: Introducing IGN UK. It makes Gamesradar look good. We’re looking forward to this new era of British craziness — it’ll be like Monty Python but about games! And more about creaming off UK ad revenue.
filed in Uncategorized on Aug.14, 2006
August 14th, 2006 on 1:00 pm
Oh yer because everyone here in the good old U of K watch soccer dont we? Stupid americans! Get it right, FOOTBALL!!!!
August 14th, 2006 on 2:01 pm
Wait until my butler hears about this!!!
August 14th, 2006 on 3:27 pm
…I don’t know whether to vehemently disagree with the final paragraph, or just descend into blubbering tears in total agreement.
Probably the tears.
August 14th, 2006 on 3:28 pm
“Cheers, and God save the Queen!”
Funny how IGN has managed to alienate an entire country in a matter of minutes.
August 14th, 2006 on 3:34 pm
Blimey, what a bunch of wankers
August 14th, 2006 on 4:08 pm
At least he didn’t say “throw another shrimp on the bar-b”, or make reference to drinking “Guiness”.
August 14th, 2006 on 4:13 pm
MY TEETH ARE ALL MANKY HAHAHAHAHA!
August 14th, 2006 on 4:16 pm
‘Expect the use of words such as “colour,” “blimey” and “wanker” in those articles’
how about ‘Fuck off back to America, you Yankee cunts’
that’s my 2 pence
August 14th, 2006 on 4:19 pm
Ooh! It has highlighted words, like wikipedophile! Oh, it just gives pop-ups to try to get you to buy scabby shit from eBay.
On the contentious issue of “soccer” I think it is quite proper that the name “football” should be reserved for a sport where over-padded rugby rejects carry and throw the ball around with their hands. I certainly have no problem with the main page introducing us whacky brits to our own content refusing to call a game where you kick a BALL with your FEET, “football”.
Cunch of Bunts.
August 14th, 2006 on 4:27 pm
Blimey, have you noticed the wankers have put the UKR Sonic in the middle of the union jack on the IGN homepage?
Soccer.
August 14th, 2006 on 5:28 pm
Don’t hack off the Americans, man – do you want to get taken out accidentally-on-purpose by friendly fire?
August 14th, 2006 on 5:28 pm
Shit. So they have. Now I feel terrible (fortunately, this usually passes 24 hours after an update).
The Sonic pic.
August 14th, 2006 on 5:42 pm
how can london represent the entire uk? its full of tourists and foreigners :S
stupid southern loving moronic americans
August 14th, 2006 on 7:43 pm
Careful what you say everyone, or US Resistance will cuss you up bad
August 14th, 2006 on 9:52 pm
Hughes, I’ll quash your argument now in early days, it’s actually called football because you play it on your feet rather than on horseback. Rugby’s proper name is actually rugby football, for example.
(meaning that as sad as it may be, it’s entirely appropriate for the Americans to call their own bastardized variant of the sport ‘football’).
But yes, I do find it amusing that they tried to appeal to a market and invested a lot of time trying to speak our idiolect, yet casually say soccer when fuck all people here use that word.
August 14th, 2006 on 10:14 pm
“ign takes refuge in the dear old ‘ blighty”
August 14th, 2006 on 11:16 pm
And next thing you know, Stuart bloody Campbell will be back in work.
August 15th, 2006 on 12:09 am
Americans can’t say Monty Python. They say Monty Pie-ton. You should have made a joke about this.
I know this because Mike Myers was being interviewed about them and said how he loved them as a kid and watched every show. He repeatedly called them Monty Pie-ton, which made him look like a complete arse goblin who lies for money.
August 15th, 2006 on 12:13 am
Campbell last seen posting on Eurogaymer comments threads, quite recently. Somewhere else I had to killfile him lest I endure more of his stupidly disproportionate analogies and general obnoxiousness.
August 15th, 2006 on 12:34 am
Pfft! thats Americunts for you! what Wankers, I’m off for some tea and crumpents,
Oh Geoffrey! could you fetch the tea and crumpets, and bring them out onto the veranda.
August 15th, 2006 on 1:56 am
dave- why do they call it handball, then? You don’t play on your hands.
barkbat- I hope you already knew that Mike Myers was Canadian.
Being American, I can tell you all that folks here can, in fact, say “Python.” You might want to change a couple of those new celebrities featured on the site, because if they are supposed to be who Americans would choose to represent the UK, I can tell you that no one here would pick Posh Spice’s husband over her, because no one watches soccer here. I also have no idea who that guy on the right is, so you should probably switch him out for
Mr. Bean or somebody like that.
August 15th, 2006 on 1:56 am
I wrote that article and it wasn’t supposed to be patronizing or insulting at all…at least not to UK readers. If anything, it was more discourteous to America (talking about how our governmental leaders don’t understand the Internet and “We all know that Americans have never been proficient in the use of proper English, so we’ll leave that up to our UK counterparts…”).
Also, that caption wasn’t trying to be in “British speak” at all — it was making fun of an American Senator who said that the Internet was “a series of tubes.” I wasn’t implying that “Tubernet” was a British term at all.
I also don’t really understand how Voltron and more detailed reviews of European-centric games is patronizing. I think we can all agree that the average Brit knows more about soccer/football than the average American, just like the average American probably knows more about American football than the average Brit.
Anyway, I’m just happy I finally made it onto UK resistance! I dig this site, so I’m flattered! BLIMEY!!!
August 15th, 2006 on 3:11 am
Meh, why even attempt this? :-/
August 15th, 2006 on 5:02 am
I think you guys are missing a monumental event here…
FIRST CONTACT!!!
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. Today marks the day that the United States finally ACKNOWLEDGED the existence of Europe since the Boston Tea Party.
For years now, they’ve made crap jokes about British chicks being ugly and having bad teeth, and how all English guys are either football hooligans or Hugh Grant, because the last written records of encounters with English people date back in the 19th century, before they used as kindling to burn witches.
Now, thanks to the wonders of the internet, they’ve discovered that there IS in fact a place called England, and that it’s a place where people have MONEY.
They may have completely butchered the English language, but at least their main form of communication remains alive and well.
August 15th, 2006 on 5:44 am
“I wrote that article and it wasn’t supposed to be patronizing or insulting at all…at least not to UK readers. If anything, it was more discourteous to America”
Feel free to make the same mistakes when you invade my territory (Australia) next month.
Americans pushing their affairs into other countries and then wondering why everyone is so offended? Never seen that before!
August 15th, 2006 on 9:42 am
IGN wholeheartedly agrees; the Internet is not a truck at all.
Which is weird, because when I was watching the Daily Show, that’s the exact same joke they used too.
August 15th, 2006 on 9:50 am
Fuck me, I thought the last couple of quotes were made up.
I look forward to the UK IGN selling its arse to Wimpy for a week.
Although I call it “soccer” too, because it annoys soccer fans and they’re twats who should try watching a proper game played by real men who can take a stamp in the bollocks without any girly histrionics.
August 15th, 2006 on 9:57 am
Soccer/football blahh. I want to know what fucking “rally racing” is?
August 15th, 2006 on 10:57 am
Thank God I stopped reading IGN a few years ago.
“Cheers, and God save the Queen!”
August 15th, 2006 on 12:59 pm
defenestrator – the bloke on the right is none other than Sir Rolf Harris, the quintessential modern Londoner: an Australian immigrant.
Just checked on Wikipedia and he’s 76! And William Shatner is 75!
August 15th, 2006 on 4:52 pm
Feel free to make the same mistakes when you invade my territory (Australia) next month.
Yeah, make sure you make a joke about dingos eating babies, that’ll go down a storm!
August 15th, 2006 on 6:39 pm
CCB! Do you still in Glyndwr’s Lunix parlour?
August 15th, 2006 on 6:54 pm
No Mr Huges, I do not. The dark side of OS X is sufficient for me.
Add me to MSN if you like, so we don’t clog this place up.
August 15th, 2006 on 7:31 pm
I can’t seem to find an active addy for you, you are now being discussed in teh hahs. If someone called rothgill has attempted to add you, that’s me. I’m sure Zorg doesn’t mind more comments making him look popular, as long as they’re not from the 1-Up girls and their wank-fans.
August 16th, 2006 on 9:04 am
Nouw hould oun just oune minute, I happen tou be a “yankee cunt” in your lexicoun, but ouver here I’m a douchebag, so it all evens out…
August 16th, 2006 on 4:09 pm
This gets better and better. Look at their ‘gangs of London’ review
http://uk.psp.ign.com/articles/725/725646p1.html
“Funny story this: we were feeling a bit peckish the other night so we nipped out of our swanky London pad and crossed the street to the supermarket when an unmarked van reared out of nowhere. Half a dozen gun-toting cockney geezers leapt out and started taking pot shots in our general direction, so obviously we did the only thing we could and dragged the nearest passer-by out of his car before careering off down the road at full pelt. Actually, that’s all a great big lie – we bought some fish fingers and went straight home. Still, if we were in Gangs of London, things might have been a bit different.”
Oi oi lads
August 17th, 2006 on 11:52 pm
If what you say is true, UK IGN is being written by Nathan Barley, yes really him.
August 18th, 2006 on 3:27 am
Feel free to make the same mistakes when you invade my territory (Australia) next month.
I’ll throw another prawn on the PS3 grill for ya.
August 23rd, 2006 on 7:32 pm
Wow, I’m an American and those quotes make me rather ill. Are we really that…stupid? Yes, apparently. And we also apparently love patronising other counrties. “Aw, cute little Brits with your zany slang!” Vomit.