This is instead of a review. You really don’t want to read a review and we don’t want to have to write it or be the ones to break it to you. Writing a review of Sonic on Xbox 360 would be like writing a letter to a child explaining that their dog has died, and that the reason the dog died is because it was in the car with mummy when it got stuck under a lorry and caught fire.

It’s better to just laugh at the silly bits that look like inter-species sex and pretend everything’s still all OK:

EVERYTHING IS STILL OK

In the overall scheme of things, Xbox 360 Sonic The Hedgehog ranks beneath Game Gear Sonic Drift 2 and just above Tails’ Skypatrol in the list of all-time best Sonic games.

It's... our fault?

It’s OK, Sonic, let’s not get into the nitty-gritty of who’s fault it is now. We’ll do that at length over the next three years on various internet forums.

SONIC SEX XXX

Doesn’t this look like sex is about to happen? Xbox 360 Sonic is out today. There are some reviews of it on the internet, but you’d be best off not reading them if you love or even used to like Sonic a bit. Just watch the bizarre end sequence movies and leave it at that.

Deep down nothing is OK any more

This is a pretty one. You can click on it to look at it full size – it’s so pretty we went the extra mile with the html and image resizing. If you just look at this one image for a very long time and don’t think about anything else you might be able to convince yourself everything really is still OK.