THE TRIFORCE HAVE/HAS DONE A BOOK ABOUT GAMES
And they/it sent us a copy of it, which presumably means we’re allowed to review it and they won’t go mad if we say it’s rubbish.
It’s not rubbish, but also not as good as the book we would’ve written. But no one really wants to publish a million words with no full stops or commas about having anal sex with non-threatening female cartoon characters, so The Triforce would appear to have won this particular battle.
We briefly flicked through it looking for factual inaccuracies to point out, but couldn’t find any because what the hell do we know about The Sims or Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy? This was very disappointing.
It’s got Animal Crossing: Wild World in it, and OutRun, and Lumines, and Tony Hawk 3, so would appear to be on the right track.
WRONG THINGS: Pro Evo 5 is the slowest and worst Pro Evo of them all, Rez is little more than waving your mouse around your PC screen while listening to some music you downloaded but don’t really like, and why isn’t Sonic The Hedgehog in it but Jet Set Radio Future is?
“THE GAME IS THE STAR” – this line could only come from people that have sat in numerous development and product marketing meetings.
“The most fun you can legally have with your clothes on” is a line we would imagine was inserted by the publisher without the authors’ knowledge or consent, seeing as it really belongs in a 1985 Zzap! magazine review of Paradroid. They’ll probably say it’s meant to be ironic. Taking your clothes off also doesn’t mean more fun – it means being cold and feeling disgusted with yourself.
Still, it’s nice to have, especially for free, and a rare thing we got sent that won’t immediately get listed on the mortgage payment war chest fund (eBay). Thanks. We hope we have stimulated debate and enthusiasm for the project.
AN INTERVIEW WITH ONE OF THE TRIFORCE
We sent questions via email to all three of the Triforce. David’s answers were abrupt and abusive, Simon’s cleverly highlighted the flaws in the email interview process, and Ste didn’t bother but said he would if we wanted. We said not to bother.
SO HERE’S SIMON’S INTERVIEW:
WHY ISN’T SEGA RALLY IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Sonic The HedgehogWHY ISN’T SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Daytona USAWHY ISN’T DAYTONA USA IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Streets Of Rage 2WHY ISN’T STREETS OF RAGE 2 IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as NightsWHY ISN’T NiGHTS IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Phantasy Star OnlineWHY ISN’T PHANTASY STAR ONLINE IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as ShenmueWHY ISN’T SHENMUE IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as a Virtua Fighter of any kindWHY ISN’T A VIRTUA FIGHTER OF ANY KIND IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Pong
filed in Uncategorized on Nov.07, 2006
November 7th, 2006 on 6:05 pm
You got one for free?
ANGRY
November 7th, 2006 on 6:26 pm
Ok, ill try again as I put 500 instead of 50…
We already know what the top 50 games of all time are as we have been told 50 times before.
November 7th, 2006 on 7:06 pm
How come Madden 2006 is in it? Surely it’s the same as Madden 2005 which was the same as 2004 and 2003 etc etc.
That and the fact that American ‘Football’ is shite.
November 8th, 2006 on 7:34 am
“Top/Best X Games of All Time” type writings are usually regulated as garbage filler for websites with nothing better to write about. Yet some guys actually got together to circle jerk into book and expect people to buy it? The selections look awful and thoughtless from the few visible.
November 8th, 2006 on 8:29 am
I imagine Simon was feeling very proud of himself after filling out those email interview questions.
November 8th, 2006 on 11:05 am
Is there a list of this “top 50 games in their opinion” so I don’t have to give them any money. I’ve got to see how cunty this gets, my cuntiness sensors being aroused by the presence of a Madden game in any list of great games.
Any Minter games in there?
Benjamin, that was a star post mate.
November 8th, 2006 on 11:49 am
Crikey, it’s as if you have all actually read the book with these criticisms you’re giving lol!
You haven’t, though, and it’s rather good and not “cunty” at all.
November 8th, 2006 on 2:01 pm
But these TOP 50 WHATEVER things are pointless and cunty by definition. Plus I’m a narrow minded cunt myself and generally hate things arbitrarily until I found out different, which is a strategy that works pretty well as it means I’m never disappointed.
The triforce wins either way. They send Zorg one copy of the book and suddenly we’re all talking about it like the cunts we are, and probably buy it like the cunts we are.
Ifyou’reinmarketingkillyourself.
November 8th, 2006 on 2:05 pm
They should sell it wrapped in plastic so that
1) People can’t find out if it is shit if it is shit
2) People will think it is porn like the art books with all the muff pictures. That’s why they started putting books in plastic
3) It would then be wipe clean
4) You could use the discarded plastic as a make shift Johnny and/or baby suffucator
November 8th, 2006 on 2:44 pm
I thought about getting this. But it’s fifteen quid. That’s a lot of wank mags and much more self loathing than this book could ever provide.
November 8th, 2006 on 3:11 pm
Game On! is also the name of a barbican exhibitoin on computer games that ran 3 years ago and also the name of the exhibition at the science museum that has the ’10 most influential consoles’ (i.e. all of them) at the moment.
So minus ten marks for the title. But plus ten for the anal-granny porn that’s varnished onto the back cover.
November 8th, 2006 on 3:41 pm
Fifteen fucking quid for a feature that’d be scraping the barrel if it was a webpage? Are they serious?
November 8th, 2006 on 6:31 pm
Nintendo 64 Joypad on the front cover = Fail.
Everyone knows the only decent games on the N64 were the AKI wrestling games.
Really.
November 8th, 2006 on 6:43 pm
‘Game On – From Pong To Oblivion’
Good job that they don’t think that all the best games were pre-N64 like everyone else. ‘Game On – From Sonic 1 to Mariokart’ might not seem as cutting edge.
November 12th, 2006 on 1:26 am
ummm Rez was for Dreamcast and PS2. Not PC… so you don’t wave your mouse around. You move your thumbstick
November 13th, 2006 on 3:44 pm
videogaiden ripped this article off
November 14th, 2006 on 6:28 pm
Play have discounted this to a tenner already, if anyone cares.