We haven’t made an enemy for ages, so this is quite an exciting return to hating people we don’t know on the internet. Our new, official enemy is The Player. It is a PDF magazine. And there are even more reasons to hate it than that.

The third-last thing the world needs more of is PDF magazines. Not only is The Player a PDF magazine, and therefore literally unreadable without doing something out of the ordinary, but it’s also only available as a zipped file. And it runs MSN conversations between the staff as features. Even Edge never stooped that far up its own arse.

The second-last thing the world needs more of is NINE PAGE interviews with Kieron Gillen, conducted by the sort of people who aspire to one day be like Kieron Gillen if they keep plugging away on that irreverent blog of theirs. NINE PAGES!

And the actual last thing the world needs more of is a FULL PAGE PHOTO of Kieron Gillen’s face, especially not if you’ve just bought a 20″ monitor and are yet to turn the brightness down. There’s nothing that bad about Kieron’s face in particular, it just creates a general feeling of rage.

We are now at a state of enemies with The Player. Anyone caught mentioning, reading, linking to or promoting it in any way is therefore an enemy of UKR.