And he also has some very cheap tracksuit trousers. And he looks like he’s on day release from some sort of special safe house for special people. If you are currently wearing any sort of video game merchandise, take it off and burn it in the garden now. Because this is what you look like.

EYE WITNESS: “I followed this man through the Wellington TranzMetro service here in New Zealand in order to get a shot of his fantabulous backpack. It took me a while to get it because I was also photographing ladies’ breasts in order to balance out my sexuality quotient for stalking a man and taking a “candid” shot of him. I hope he wears his socks like that in order to look like the white bands around Sonic’s ankles. I later spotted him and his friend looking at red shoes in a shoe shop. I dream that he will later be seeing running around Wellington waterfront with blue hair streaking in the wind – Chris.”