These are the updates that were more of a chore than a pleasure, compiled from various other “news wires” we have dragged down this week:

  • This thing about the appalling ‘blending’ trend.
  • This thing about a sort of flying Segway, which features all the death/suicide references we’re allowed to use in a month.
  • This thing about an invention called a ‘Walkstation’ which gets treated with the contempt it deserves.
  • This thing about how one thing LOOKS A BIT LIKE another thing, in a pretty standard barrel-scraping update idea from when there was literally no other news around.
  • This thing about a woman getting touched-up by some firemen, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:
  • A textbook Pauline

    Lacking focus and occasionally incoherent. 5/10. Next week’s keyword to look out for is ‘polygamy’.