Before she lucked upon that gimmicky thing of repeating the last syllable of a word about six times and became famous, poor Rihanna had to work the promotional circuit just like any other wannabe.

This included the ultimate shame of having to play Xbox Live Arcade games against the likes of us, while smiling as if she (a) knows what’s happening and (b) is having fun and would be doing this anyway if she was just at home on her own and using her personal Gamertag.

Rihanna, doing the groundwork

And she wore a headset. We didn’t know they fitted the heads of girls. It must’ve been specially made.

Now just pop upstairs with me to the special office to sign your contract, sweetheart

“Bruises on knees, always keen to please.”

Rihanna and her wipe-clean shoes

Here’s one where you can see her shoes. We understand the importance many place upon this aspect of female celebrities.