Courtesy of Impact Innovations, which is in the process of licensing only the finest Chinese manufacturers to create a new range of Sonic toys.

The fastest Sonic game yet!

“I found some upcoming UK classic Sonic merchandise that you may be interested in. They’re all by the company Impact Innovations, which have already made some Sonic plushes and beanies. Included are RC Racers, track sets (why Mario had one of these before Sonic I’ll never know) WITH A LOOP, a Sonic figure with a webcam stuck in his stomach and Sonic and Tails USB flash drives. Which will clearly get you friends if you own – Sandy.”

2GB or 4GB of porn hiding space

A 2GB or 4GB Sonic USB stick! Also available in Tails variety. If you want one, wait a year then buy one of the unsold Tails ones for a tenth of the price. Who ever buys Tails merchandise? He’s second in quantity only to Big The Cat in the bargain buckets of the land.

Sonic with guts coming out

And a terrifying Sonic webcam. We’ll go out on a limb and say there’s ZERO CHANCE of this actually being approved and made. SEGA wouldn’t put its name to any old tat with Sonic’s name on, would it?