The mask of reality slips, as Sonic wheezes home in a time of 7 hours and 26 minutes. Then sits on the pavement sobbing “NEVER AGAIN” into a tin foil blanket as blood oozes from his nipples and shoes.

Two people captured the moment for eternity. Here are their tales.

“Sonic clearly wasn’t putting much effort into his 2008 London Marathon run, otherwise he would have done it well under one hour… – Gavin.”

“Dear Sega Superstar Tennis Monthly, I was wandering around London on Marathon day, watching the sweaty people stagger by, when a banner caught my eye.”

“It seemed to be saying that Sonic would be running, which is a bit daft as he’s clearly got a massive non-human freaky genetic advantage. However, in the distance I noticed a strange blue dot that grew rapidly into Sonic.”

“My friend managed to grab a few blurry pictures as he flew by. And I figured you grow too old for this shit. I guess they made him start a couple of hours after everyone else to make it fair.”

“I also made him take pictures of this strange old man carrying a load of balloons saying kids.”

“I kind of hope that it isn’t some kind of charity based acronym but instead he’s just a very pro-active paedo. Here’s hoping – Sig.”