The only gentlemanly way to holiday is to stay in a hotel. If you want to sleep with a girl who’s taken lots of drugs and doesn’t smell very nice, then that’s fine. We’d just rather not spend all of May, June, July and August listening to your stories about it.

'Ugly cunt'

“I found someone just as obsessed as you are with the little blue twat at Gatecrasher 2008. I thought i’d take a picture so you lot could have a tug or two over it or something. I have covered his face, not for sake of privacy but because he’s an ugly cunt. Bye bye – Darren.”