Finally. The in-house casting sessions at Eidos have finished, the sofa has been wiped down, and here she is. Alison Carroll – the new woman that’s going to be whored to oblivion in the name of this year’s Tomb Raider game.

Alison Carroll, imminent husk

Initial impressions: A meaty Posh Spice. Adequate. That lens flare effect is totally uncalled for. We are yet to be supplied with hi-res versions for skin texture analysis.

Only a 7/10 on the McAndrew Scale

More information, including the tantalising and Nuts/Zoo reader-pleasing news that she’s “single and having fun” here.

The hunted becomes the even more hunted

Hit up Facebook, MySpace, Bebo and all the rest. Incriminating photos of her early years MUST be found.