An alternate collection of several thousand words, written for places where it’s not so acceptable to talk about wiping your penis on the ears of sexy rabbits.

  • This thing about the order in which the Vaio CS11 series is going to be discounted.
  • This thing about demographics not matching up. It may have gone over the heads of the readership.
  • This thing about the latest developments in wanking machines, because, when it comes to wanking machines, we are emerging as experts.
  • This thing about Kane Kramer inventing the iPod in 1979. We tried to launch a global campaign to get Steve Jobs to buy Kane a Ferrari as a thank you, but it didn’t really take off.
  • This thing about a woman called Kelly Ripa nearly getting into a washing machine, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

    • Kelly Ripa, nearly getting into a washing machine

    It’s words, on the internet, largely in the right order. 6/10.