THE XBOX 360 "LIFESTYLE" EXPOSED
Here are all those ‘lifestyle’ photographs Microsoft released yesterday, uploaded as part of our public service remit. Presumably these are mainly meant for those Southern European territories who buy consoles based on stuff like this.
Let’s start with the most realistic. Tired old woman pretending to join in. Podgy man. The child they finally conceived after five painful years of IVF treatment. The console they bought her because she’s so special she can have anything she wants (she actually wanted a Wii).
Older man, two young boys. Woman in background pretending not to notice. Nothing says UNDERGROUND DUTCH PAEDOPHILE RING more than this.
Girls on left is playing with LIPS. Man on right is trying to get better look at girl’s LIPS. Whichever Microsoft employee picked the name LIPS is going to find themselves put in charge of overseeing Excel development in Eastern Europe after this mess.
Never before have we wanted to be a ginger teenager.
He’s moving in with the elbow. He’s going for the Accidental Tits Elbow!
Accidental Tits Elbow with a twist! Sensational! There’ll be semen everywhere in his bedroom tonight!
She noticed. Whoops. Now he won’t be able to look at a girl again until he’s 34.
Photograph taken from the graphic novel titled WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO MODERN VIDEO GAMING?
“Hooray! You both let me win because you want to try and have sex with me later!”
Now they have moved onto the casual quiz game.
Nobody knew the answer. It was in the cinema before they were even born, so it’s not their sweet, young faults.
How unrealistic. That controller’s not even plugged in. Terrible.
These photos are definitely meant for Europe. That’s the most European selection of children possible.
By “European” we mean healthy and happy looking. English children sit there being fat and sad in official football shirts.
They’re not leaning into each other enough.
That’s better. That’s ROCK AND ROLL, and, by extension, COOL MODERN VIDEO GAMES FOR ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE.
Frequency was ten times better, and you could sit down.
“…and you turn around, that’s what it’s all about – HEY!”
Now he’s blown any chance he may have had by getting the steering wheel out and insisting they play Forza 2 for a bit.
filed in Uncategorized on Sep.02, 2008
September 2nd, 2008 on 1:07 pm
Why does the ginger kid get to sing? Shouldn’t he be relegated to bass? Have we learned nothing from Mick Hucknall?
September 2nd, 2008 on 1:29 pm
Great post! It made me LOL. lol
September 2nd, 2008 on 1:54 pm
Videogames are dead.
September 2nd, 2008 on 1:58 pm
Red power!
September 2nd, 2008 on 2:03 pm
I love how every location has wooden floorboards, which is the classic “Lifestyle Gaming” staple. These kinds of shots always have to have floorboards. No bare feet though, which is a shame.
September 2nd, 2008 on 2:54 pm
Pic #8- the girl’s drumming, the ginger one’s singing, the guitarist is dressed like his Granddad. ‘Christian Rock Band’ hits the stores early!
September 2nd, 2008 on 3:30 pm
You should never keep your drink so close to a cactus in a cup sized pot – it’s simple health and safety.
September 2nd, 2008 on 4:33 pm
Best update in a while.
September 2nd, 2008 on 4:42 pm
Thanks, Roddie. I would like to thank Games Press, without whom none of this would’ve been possible,
September 2nd, 2008 on 4:47 pm
Upskirt FTW
September 2nd, 2008 on 4:50 pm
Lumberjack girls in shorts piss me off.
September 2nd, 2008 on 5:10 pm
Ugh, the cancer’s spreading. Let’s just hope future 360 ads won’t go down the line of Wii advertisements as well. :(
I’d the girl in the funky striped stockings though.
September 2nd, 2008 on 5:17 pm
There’s no wires on those pads because they’re wireless.
wtf kinda site is this, anyway?
September 2nd, 2008 on 5:31 pm
Bilal – you fail mate, go away
September 2nd, 2008 on 5:56 pm
Yeah we hate you sooooo much Bilal.
How the tides have turned…
September 2nd, 2008 on 5:58 pm
Steve – meet Bilal. Bilal, explain it to Steve.
Unless Steve pulled a Bilal on me. In that case: Hi Steve, I’m Enn. Explain it to me.
September 2nd, 2008 on 6:10 pm
Is the bird in the second casual movie quiz game fiddling with herself through her jeans?
September 2nd, 2008 on 6:11 pm
What’s going on in that Rock Band pic? She doesn’t even have a foot pedal.
September 2nd, 2008 on 7:02 pm
GRAVY!!!
September 2nd, 2008 on 9:08 pm
I’d definitely try the accidental tits elbow on stockings girl. Right after I slapped her for DARING to touch the wheel while I was playing Forza.
September 2nd, 2008 on 9:32 pm
Second pic: Dutch paedo man has LARGEST FOREHEAD IN HUMAN HISTORY.
September 2nd, 2008 on 11:35 pm
Spit roast anybody, but ginger will have to mount me from behind because I don’t want to look at his ginger pubes.
September 3rd, 2008 on 10:32 am
Nebagram – Surely you mean "Guitar Praise"?
http://store.digitalpraise.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=135
'ere, where's the bloody preview post button gone?
September 3rd, 2008 on 12:56 pm
There ARE bare feet! Pictures 9 and 11! GIRLS bare feet! Not 100% unobscured but good enough that I’m totally dry.
And yeah, bilal. Big fail. Arf
September 3rd, 2008 on 3:41 pm
Ginger = would
September 3rd, 2008 on 3:49 pm
what an idiot, those were wireless controllers.
September 3rd, 2008 on 7:09 pm
ANONYMOUS YOU FUCKING CUNT THE LIGHT IS NOT ON WE HATE YOU. Also, I think I got trolled.
September 4th, 2008 on 9:03 am
British people are also european, dickheads :-p ;-)
September 4th, 2008 on 9:31 am
No, we consider ourselves superior. Because of reasons and facts.
September 4th, 2008 on 1:27 pm
The controllers are not wireless, they are just not plugged in!
WTF kind of people are you?
September 7th, 2008 on 1:54 am
lookie what I found
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y152/z3ph/UKRbook1.png
September 11th, 2008 on 5:41 pm
The controllers aren’t wireless you gits. Open your eyes next time.
Microsoft is turning into the new Nintendo.
September 13th, 2008 on 11:23 pm
Look at the fucking state of the mirror in the last bloody pic! What disgraceful set