CAPTION COMPETITION: SONIC AND THE BLACK KNIGHT
We’ve managed to come up with one, after shorting out several keyboards from all the tears. The rest of today’s going to be spent making a new logo in protest at this sort of rubbish being attached to Sonic’s once-proud name.
This is our funny caption:
“Sonic heads off into a cave with The Blade of Despair to do the only honourable thing left”
Honestly. What sort of joke is this? Never before have we felt so justified in typing an emoticon instead of a proper sentence :(
We need to send out the message that even a poorly-cut-out GIF of Adam Doree would be preferable to being associated with Sonic in his current state.
filed in Uncategorized on Dec.02, 2008
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:17 pm
Have faith Zorg. It is always darkest before the light (although this presumably means that next year’s Sonic game will be “Shadow and Tail’s Adventure in Gangsta Town feat DJ Vector”. No doubt Sega is producing all these awful Sonic games as a way to make his triumphant return on Dreamcast 2 seem even more amazing.
Wonder what the Next-Next-Gen equivalent of Blast Processing is?
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:21 pm
My entry for the caption competition is:
Sonic hunts down the three blind mice in his latest game: “Sonic The Farmer’s Wife”
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:22 pm
There’s no way back. Have you seen the charts this week? Sonic Unleashed did staggeringly badly, as in, not even in the top 40.
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:25 pm
Make the new logo a 32X with spouts out “GAME OVER YEAAAAAAAAAH” when you move the mouse over it.
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:26 pm
RIP Sonic :(
No Cream the Rabbit option on the poll though?
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:28 pm
Next dreamcast will be so awesome it will skip 5 generations and be called “dreamcast 6”
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:33 pm
To be fair, the fast Sonic-y bits are quite fun in Unleashed. Discounting the quicktime events shit and the “hold the direction button and occasionally tap a button” gameplay. Okay, it’s a little bit fun. A tiny bit.
The Were-Sonic stuff, though. Oh man.
I’d go for a car from OutRun or one of the passenger tarts.
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:35 pm
What’s the point of having ‘other’ and entering your alternative if you can’t see what people have put? My entry was Segata Sanshiro, although I was going to go for Nights. I wanted some Sega IP that hadn’t been raped and pillaged by ‘New Sega’, so Nights was a no go.
If there was some kind of visual embodyment of Segagaga, then I’d vote for that.
How about the sonic picture we have now, but with crosses for eyes and a sad mouth, but make it look like it was done by a 5 year old downs syndrome midget leper with ADHD?
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:37 pm
Oh, you’re talking about The Black Knight. Also not looking so good.
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:37 pm
Sackboy.
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:37 pm
Oops, forgot my caption entry, here it is:
“Why the fuck has Sonic the fricking hedgehog got a bollocking sword?!?!?!”
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:38 pm
I can feel the deep despair, even though Sony loses, the state of Sega/Sonic/true gaming makes you wanna kill yourself…
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:42 pm
I voted “Ryo Hazuki, even though he’s a massive wanker who’s loved by equally massive wankers”, but it just showed up as other :(
Can we have Alex Kidd, together with a risqué joke about fisting?
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:43 pm
“Sonic painfully withdraws the huge silver dildo from his arse and limps off in the direction of Alex the Kidd’s cave dragging it slowly behind him. He seeks revenge on the former big-eared mascot who lives out his days hiding in shame and poverty after penetrating his rival in 1994 in a failed bid to take back the mascot crown.”
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:44 pm
Another vote for Ulala. As a form of bribery, all the Ulala you can handle (assuming you like to handle bits of plastic with paper and shiny discs in them).
Which we all do.
December 2nd, 2008 on 1:46 pm
The new face is brilliant, but it should be replaced by that Sonic icecream that still gives me nightmares.
December 2nd, 2008 on 2:02 pm
That isn’t Sonic. Sonic is dead.
Rest in peace.
December 2nd, 2008 on 2:04 pm
Richard Jaques driving the car from Outrun with Ulala in the passenger seat.
December 2nd, 2008 on 2:11 pm
Bloody Sony.
December 2nd, 2008 on 2:22 pm
Where’s the “Cream the Rabbit montage” option? Sorry, the “Cream the Rabbit porn montage” option.
Or a Ken Kutaragi caption header with a different caption every week.
WV – thermin – what a yorkshireman would call the fur surrounding a house of lords robe.
December 2nd, 2008 on 2:34 pm
Alex Kid
December 2nd, 2008 on 2:35 pm
MegaCD with a 32X and a karaoke unit attached…Now, that is sexY!
December 2nd, 2008 on 2:42 pm
“Sonic heads to Japan to have a… word… with the designers of his games post-2002”
And good to see the poll’s going the right way, though I reckon the cats from ChuChu Rocket would’ve been best (that being the last good game Sonic Team made).
Word verification is ‘sonali’, the makers of the Arabic Playstation.
December 2nd, 2008 on 2:43 pm
I would have liked to have voted for Ryo Hazuki, but seeing as he wasn’t an option I went for the closest thing and voted for Ulala. More Shenmue please.
December 2nd, 2008 on 2:50 pm
Sonic is dead.
December 2nd, 2008 on 2:51 pm
“sonic enters the soul caliber arena to face voldo”
…another sure sign of IP death
December 2nd, 2008 on 2:57 pm
The black knight always triumphs
December 2nd, 2008 on 3:00 pm
The “Other” suggestions so far…
Cream in a state of partial or full undress.
Don’t change it! Look how well rebranding went for The Post Office / Consignia!
toe jam
Ryo Hazuki
Ristar, obviously. I think Sega lost him down the back of the sofa, so he’s stil
Spyro the Dragon
WOULD
Alex Kidd
segata sanshiro
OutRun’s flag man
Gemma Atkinson superimposed over the Kikizo logo
Phil Harrison
Ryo Hazuki! The only other Sega icon that truly reflects the fail the company ha
Flag Man!
Richard Jacques naked
Bouff
That caption pic of Ken Kuntaragi
jet set radio
Sackboy
Ryo Hazuki, even though he’s a massive wanker who’s loved by equally massive wan
Jesus christ riding a motor cycle
MEGADROID
Sonic Forever
Sackboy
Segata Sanshiro
Rowdy Roddy Piper
The Spong logo
December 2nd, 2008 on 3:04 pm
Oh, and Paperghost – where’s your Tower Records limited edition numbered resin Space Channel 5 statue? You could get them on eBay for £5, last time I looked (in horror, having paid £50 for mine).
December 2nd, 2008 on 3:11 pm
Something horrifically pornographic and definitely NSFW.
December 2nd, 2008 on 3:14 pm
cream the rabbit
DUH
December 2nd, 2008 on 3:16 pm
Your poll’s shit I just registered about ten votes for Jacques, Sony’s henchmen are probably plotting to rig it as we speak.
December 2nd, 2008 on 3:21 pm
10 votes for Jacques is fine by me. I also did that myself.
December 2nd, 2008 on 3:23 pm
That 32X idea doesn’t sound bad.
But, how about Flagman? Possibly even an animated gif of him dancing around?!
As for Sonic, he’s been dead since 1998. I’d like to say 1992 but that’d include Sonic CD and Sonic R so…
December 2nd, 2008 on 3:37 pm
How about the Drumper sex robot pointing at a dreamcast?
December 2nd, 2008 on 3:45 pm
It’s not bad enough that Nintendo is hell bent on killing gaming as we sad bastards no it with the Wii, but now Sonic is on its hitlist.
This is payback for the glory days of the Megadrive :(
December 2nd, 2008 on 3:50 pm
“Anonymous said…
Richard Jaques driving the car from Outrun with Ulala in the passenger seat.”
Done.
http://users.tpg.com.au/conando/richulalaukr.png
December 2nd, 2008 on 3:51 pm
You should use a Virtua Fighter character such as Akira or Jacky.
December 2nd, 2008 on 4:01 pm
GAME OVER.
December 2nd, 2008 on 4:03 pm
Nice work Mr A. Nonymous with the Car/Ulala/Jaques piccy.
But could you not use a 4 seater and have Kutaragi in the front seat with room for a caption, and jaques in the back seat shagging Cream the rabbit?
December 2nd, 2008 on 4:34 pm
THIS TRULY IS….GAME OVER YEAHH!…
Hollywooda
December 2nd, 2008 on 4:47 pm
Someone should make a gif of the bad ending of Sonic on the Game Gear, where instead of Sonic seeing tails in the stars, Cmdr Zorg sees sonic in the stars.
Run that as the banner for a week then the new mascot will be MEGADROID
December 2nd, 2008 on 5:15 pm
How about a silhouette of one of the Dragons (plus rider) from a Panzer Dragoon title?
I think that is one of the few franchises Sega hasn’t balls’d up – I thought the Xbox outing was pretty decent.
Also for a caption entry:
“Legend of Zelda: Link steals Sonic’s skin and butchers a once great franchise, even more”
December 2nd, 2008 on 5:19 pm
Should be a picture of you Zorg. With the Kenshiro/Jesus bead.
December 2nd, 2008 on 5:29 pm
I was going to say Tyris Flare, but she hasn’t been spared from the same fate Sonic has had to suffer for so many years. Then I thought Blaze Fielding, but I’m not sure she’s SEGA IP or (partly) owned by Ancient. Then I thought about Gum, before promptly remembering how bad Jet Set Radio Future was compared to the original. Now I’m just sad and confused.
December 2nd, 2008 on 5:38 pm
my turn!
http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa76/foxy2000/ukr.jpg
December 2nd, 2008 on 5:42 pm
How about Candy from Fighting Vipers? In a suitable state of armour destructification of course.
December 2nd, 2008 on 5:43 pm
bit late for this, then.
http://kotaku.com/5100760/sonic-the-hedgehog-the-chessboard
December 2nd, 2008 on 5:51 pm
Ryo Hazuki or Segata Sanshiro, there must be none other.
Ryo Hazuki because Shenmue III has yet to come out, and is possibly the last remaining hope for our fair Sega.
Segata Sanshiro because he represents us as Sega fans, as men, and most importantly as men who like Sega.
December 2nd, 2008 on 6:18 pm
What are you doing? This is supposed to be the place where we remember the glories of the past and hope for the future. Sonic was good once, you can’t get rid of him! It’s like saying Dreamcast is shit because it failed to deliver!
December 2nd, 2008 on 6:41 pm
Oh the irony of the first X360 Achievement… “Still Broken” 8(
December 2nd, 2008 on 6:51 pm
You realise Richard Jacques is doing the music for this game? You’ll have to disasociate yourselves from him if you disasociate yourselves from Sonic because of this game…
December 2nd, 2008 on 7:16 pm
Call me nuts, but i think that game actually looks pretty good (see link below). It’s like a cross between Zelda and Catlevania. I agree it’s not what you would expect from Sonic, but look at all the random concepts Mario has been attached to and he is as strong a brand as he has ever been, simply because the games he was attached to were good games. Sega may have fucked up the Sonic brand, but that’s not necessarily due to the game concepts, more the games themselves.
And for the record I think you should change the logo to a picture of Anna Sharapova from VT.
http://www.seganerds.com/2008/12/01/sega-releases-a-ton-of-new-sonic-and-the-black-knight-screens/#comments
December 2nd, 2008 on 7:18 pm
B-b-b-but Sonic said on Shadow the Hedgehog; The Game that he wouldn’t not never use a weapon.
December 2nd, 2008 on 7:44 pm
Perhaps Opa Opa the only Sega mascot to escape violation. The remake of Fantasy Zone II ~The Tears of Opa Opa~ has been the only good game to come out of Sega this whole year.
Get a photo of Yu Suzuki and use Paint to make him look like he’s crying.
December 2nd, 2008 on 8:19 pm
After reading the comments, i vote for Ryo Hazuki. He is a cock who hates women, and is extremely dull, but Shenmue 1 & 2 still give me the fondest memories of SEGA since sonic 1 & 2
December 2nd, 2008 on 8:53 pm
Definitely outrun, that fit’s in more with the whole “blue skies” thing.
I’d go with Ulala, but, i’d be dreaming of outrun.
December 2nd, 2008 on 9:10 pm
Embrace Sonic with the Sword. Be sure to include many pictures of Sonic killing and maiming the various Sonic critters with the sword to show how incredibly pleased you are that they’ve finally M-Rated the Sonic titles.
We’re only a step away from Sonic spitting acid and having arm swords. Could a Gears of War II spin-off star Sonic? Could be… He has discovered a sword, which is good for killing, so the next step is chainsaw guns and flesh rendering buzzsaw blades.
Be sure to change all the Blue Sky graphics to gray. And add burning trees and rivers of blood. Don’t forget lava.
December 2nd, 2008 on 9:26 pm
“Sonic heads off to save the day as usual, completely and rightfully oblivious to the whining and screechy rants of angry Internet nerds.”
December 2nd, 2008 on 9:32 pm
What about a Road Avenger/Silpheed/Wonder Dog montage?
December 2nd, 2008 on 9:49 pm
I voted for Tempo, the Sega character time forgot. It’s about time he got the spotlight, even if his two games were only subpar and just okay, respectively. He never got his chance to shine.
He’s a sweet thang, catch the groove:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq-YQIFDzNM
December 2nd, 2008 on 10:14 pm
New mascot = Prince Phil. Then hopefully we could send him to Sony HQ to say something inapropriate and get away with it, you know something about slitty eyes and the like…
December 2nd, 2008 on 10:25 pm
SEGATA SANSHIRO
December 2nd, 2008 on 10:46 pm
A vote for Ulala is a vote for WOULD.
However, I change my vote to the cat from Chu Chu Rocket, if it is pictured flipping Sonic over and is gnawing at his intestines. A bit like Sonic team are.
While he’s been in some good games, Sonic the character hasn’t been appealing since 1991.
Panzer Dragoon is too good to be ruined by association with this site.
Maybe the mouse from Pop Flamer. That game was an early indication of how shit Sega could be.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MF9Db93e1NM
December 2nd, 2008 on 11:26 pm
“AT said…
I agree it’s not what you would expect from Sonic, but look at all the random concepts Mario has been attached to and he is as strong a brand as he has ever been, simply because the games he was attached to were good games.”
Mario Party. Argument debunked.
I’m going with Virtual-On’s Temjin of Fei Yen, just ignoring Force and Marz.
December 3rd, 2008 on 12:15 am
FLAG MAN! FLAG! MAN!
December 3rd, 2008 on 12:35 am
Caption:
“Sonic’s sworded return”
or
“Not tonight Frank, I’m still sword from last night”
or
“I tawt I sword a puddy cat! I did! I did! I sword a puddy cat!”
or
“Sonic turning shit? I looks like Sega sword to that.”
They’re all shit though, and I do know that.
December 3rd, 2008 on 12:46 am
New mascot:
Lee Nutter.
December 3rd, 2008 on 1:24 am
What’s going on? What did Sonic do wrong? Is it just because he’s got a sword?
How come noone complained or ran a poll when they made him black, gave him a gun and called him Shadow?
So I guess my proposed caption would be:
“At least it’s not a gun. Fucking guns.”
I voted Ulala but only because she’s winning, and that way I can feel like I contributed if she does win.
But really I’d rather you just left Sonic as-is, seeing as the Sonic image you had there is the Sonic of yore that harks back to a time when Sega was actually good, so really serves as a nostalgic reminder.
December 3rd, 2008 on 1:27 am
vectorman!!!!!!!!
December 3rd, 2008 on 5:40 am
I have to say, this is the most pathetic congregation of hopelessly impressionable sheep I’ve seen since I stumbled upon Eurogamers.
Bunch of dumbasses.
December 3rd, 2008 on 8:12 am
In a poll that asked ‘what should the new mascot of this website be?’, against a virtual character that most men would fuck, the car from Outrun has scored 155 votes. What’s not to love about this site?
Big the Cat, Vectorman, Wonderdog, that bloke from Comix Zone, Clockwork Knight, Pacar, the rat from Shining Force 2, Ristar, Tempo, Ecco the Dolphin Jr., Pepsi Man, Lisa from Last Bronx, any of the fighters from Eternal Champions, the depth and quality of Sega’s back catalogue is staggering, there are so many wonderful choices to replace Sonic. But Sega are still playing with his rotting corpse like a puppet at the moment, let’s wait until they’ve put him in the ground until we replace him.
December 3rd, 2008 on 8:54 am
Apples & Oranges has precisely the right idea. What in fuck all is wrong with you idiots? Get over yourselves!
Or, hey hey, this could all be a trap and he's having a gas at our expense. Hope so!
December 3rd, 2008 on 10:41 am
'this could all be a trap'
You are in a maze of corridors all the same.
Exits lead north, south, east and west.
>
December 3rd, 2008 on 10:55 am
“Sonic and the Black Knight”? More like “Chronic and the Sack of Shite” etc etc
December 3rd, 2008 on 12:11 pm
VOTE OUTRUN !!!!
December 3rd, 2008 on 12:17 pm
"I have to say, this is the most pathetic congregation of hopelessly impressionable sheep I've seen since I stumbled upon Eurogamers."
Welcome to UK Resistance! Enjoy your stay.
"Apples & Oranges has precisely the right idea. What in fuck all is wrong with you idiots? Get over yourselves!"
Actually Apples & Oranges has precisely the wrong idea. Comparing the downturn in quality of Sonic games to the Dreamcast's (commercial) failure is a terrible comparison.
I'd explain, but I can't be arsed, work it out yourself.
I change my vote to Robot Sonic, as some kind of ironic commentary on the way the creation of Sonic games have been turned into a soulless mechanical process designed only to make money. The end.
WV – ourock – UKR is our rock! Without it we fall!
December 3rd, 2008 on 12:18 pm
Anonymous bitter Swillman “the rat from Shining Fotce 2”, FUCK YES GET SLADE IN!
December 3rd, 2008 on 12:22 pm
Dreamcast failed despite being awesome. Sonic has failed due to turning shite, is what Multiverse meant I think. That’s why I vote for an artist’s impression of Richard Jacques’s cock jizzing over an artist’s impression of Ulala’s tits as the new logo. The jizz can be a river of gold!
December 3rd, 2008 on 12:36 pm
wow, this is beyond stupid and pathetic..
December 3rd, 2008 on 1:01 pm
I voted for Cool Spot
December 3rd, 2008 on 1:02 pm
Latterly, its really hard not to imagine all the anonymous postings as tiny globlets of the same insidious many-tentacled moronic inferno. Certainly taking the time to read a site and its many postings then repeatedly post about how stupid it is or whatever requires a special kind of intellect. Its not the middle east peace process you know (unless the Gaza Strip contains a big spiral blue street somewhere).
I vote for a Kaz Hirai bitmap with Terry Gilliam style hinged mouth, endless spouting slogans.
Note for anonymii: Latterly is not a kind of coffee. The Gaza Strip is not what a washed up footballer used to wear.
December 3rd, 2008 on 1:16 pm
Uhm I guess I see the point that the Dreamcast was awesome and Sonic slowly degenerated to shit but even so, that’s exacly what’s happening to the Dreamcast. It was awesome, it is still awesome, but now people are using that awesomeness in the wrong way, causing it to lose that magical appeal that it always had. Like using its beautiful corpse and shove a BluRay inside just for the kicks isome reviewer at IGN saying that JSRF ON THE DREAMCAST is her preferred game of all time or even spam crying for Shenmue III on Kotaku’s comments every time some SEGA news is posted (I bet 10% of those people ever heard about it at the time it was launched).
Sure, sure, Dreamcast is good, still is, but it failed (we failed it) and it’s slowly turning into something it should never be, the Holy Grail (well this is good) of retarded gamer on the internet, who use it to afirm their “good choice” in games (not good).
I kind of see why people are pissed off about Sonic though, the first time I saw the sword cover I though it was some kind of prank AND THEN I though Sonic Team and SEGA were the best internet trollers ever. Whatever, it’s a spin off. Where are people complaining about Tails Doll in Sonic R? A Zombie in my Sonic? That was… good? I think it was good though. Don’t like it, go play Unleashed. It’s not Sonic Adventure 3 but it isn’t bad either, not at all. If not, power up your Mega Drives and play the classics, they never get old.
Still I’m laughing and am amuzed by this, something I haven’t been for awhile (not counting the LBP flop).
word verification: flograll. There, I’m vindicated.
December 3rd, 2008 on 1:40 pm
"Sure, sure, Dreamcast is good, still is, but it failed (we failed it) and it's slowly turning into something it should never be, the Holy Grail (well this is good) of retarded gamer on the internet, who use it to afirm their "good choice" in games (not good)."
You make a good point A&O.
To be honest I'm not that bothered about this whole 'Sonic is ruined' thing. I havn't played a sonic game since Adventure. I just come here and post so that I can feel I'm involved in some kind of group that shares the same views as me, but unwittingly modify my 'views' so that they more closely match those of the majority, increasing my feeling of belonging, and in the hope that I may gain some form of acclaim or recognition, even if it is other people disagreeing with me.
I hope that clarifies my position on the topic.
WV – bablion – "By the rivers of Bablion…"
December 3rd, 2008 on 2:11 pm
I like the current sonic one (with the sad face drawn on).
December 3rd, 2008 on 11:31 pm
I still like SEGA that’s why I’m still prowling around in these sites. Well you have to, since everything else besides Capcom is shit and even that smells rotten sometimes. That doesn’t mean I didn’t like SEGA more pre-2000. Sure I liked Sonic way more until Adventure and I hate and have a seizure every time 06 is mentioned. That doesn’t mean I can’t see a spin-off where it is tho. I thinl you lot are taking these into serious business, not that I’m not tho. Oh well.
December 3rd, 2008 on 11:41 pm
Not to mention, sites will mention every Sonic hate as breaking news as some sort of trendy thing nowadays.
December 4th, 2008 on 1:58 am
Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher Billy Hatcher
December 5th, 2008 on 8:27 pm
NIGHTS IS PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY CHARACTER THAT WOULD BOTH SUM UP SEGA PERFECTLY AND HAVE A UNIVERSAL APPEAL TO EVERYONE AND THEREFORE WOULD BE THE BEST UK RESISTANCE MASCOT.
FAILING THAT A SPITE IMAGE OF AXEL FROM STREETS OF RAGE WOULD BE PRETTY COOL/ICONIC. IN FACT AXEL WOULD IN FACT REPRESENT UK RESISTANCE BETTER BECAUSE HE IS MORE OLD SKOOL/BADASS THAN NIGHTS, BUT THEN AGAIN THE LAYMEN ARE UNLIKELY TO KNOW WHO THE FUCK HE IS.
BUT THEN AGAIN THIS IS LIKE THE 89TH COMMENT FROM AN ANONOMOUS USER SO NOEONE IS GOING TO LISTEN/CARE ABOUT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. (HENCE THE RENDERING OF MY COMMENT IN CAPITALS TO MAKE IT STAND OUT MORE)
BUT ALL THE SAME – MAN POINTS TO ANYONE THAT DOES HAPPEN TO READ THIS AND AGREE WITH ME.