A MAN’S SHED, AKA THE “SMALLEST SEGA ARCADE IN ENGLAND”
Blacked-out windows. Padlock on door. A seemingly innocent scene mirrored in gardens across the country. But the contents list of this shed is not lawnmower, shears, spare garden chair, broken strimmer and dishevelled prostitute – it’s a SEGA RELATED shed.
“Behold my shed painted a ‘shit brown’ colour. While most men choose to fill their sheds with tools or a collection of soft porn mags, I have decided to make mine the smallest arcade in the England.”
“Inside sits my stand-up Daytona USA cabinet. I call it ‘Vanessa Feltz’ because it weighs over 200kg. I won’t power it up because that would be too exciting for the average UK Resistance reader.”
“Conforming to UK Resistance rules of getting closer in each photo I have engaged the zoom facility on my camera to show you how much it would be to play if you ever came to my shed. Anyone with less than a pound will be sent away.”
“As you can see I currently have only 40p to my name and cannot afford to play this amazing game. I was hoping other UK Resistance users could spare 60p out of there Jobseeker Allowance/Money they make from selling drugs in a council bedsit/Money they make in prison making postage sacks or whatever it is they do. Thanks” – Rex Everything.
filed in GONZO FIELD REPORTS, READERS DOING WEIRD STUFF on Jul.01, 2009
July 1st, 2009 on 11:55 am
Oooooh…I’ve just bought a new shed and this has inspired me.
Anyone have a spare jamma cab or 3? I have a jamma board that I think is Cabal, but nothing to play it on (yet)
July 1st, 2009 on 12:16 pm
*SPLOOOOOOGE*
July 1st, 2009 on 12:30 pm
I think this is just a ruse for gay serial killer “Rex” to get depressed and lonely 30-year-old men to come back with him to his shed.
July 1st, 2009 on 12:59 pm
What a coincidence! I make my money by charging £1 for 3 plays too.
July 1st, 2009 on 1:00 pm
That shed also appear to have soundproofing. That’s well dodgy that is, respect.
I can’t do a thing with my shed beacuse I can’t get the bikes that have bound themselves together with the hosepipe out. It’s like one of those fucking puzzles but a hundred times bigger and a thousand times more annoying. Geometrically impossible bike/hose spatial interactions have happened so I just leave it all alone. Might see if the local university wants to send anyone to look it over, could be the basis for a decent PhD
July 1st, 2009 on 2:00 pm
One Daytona USA cabinet hardly constitutes an ‘arcade’.
July 1st, 2009 on 2:27 pm
And one swallow doesn’t necessarily make a relationship.
But sometimes you take what you can get.
July 1st, 2009 on 4:12 pm
Stand-up driving games are crap and for poor people who haven’t got room for a mint, sit-down Star Wars cabinet.
July 1st, 2009 on 4:21 pm
Wood.
Possibly larch lap.
July 1st, 2009 on 5:54 pm
I have 60 pence right here, why don’t you tell me your exact street address and times you will likely been present at the premises?
July 1st, 2009 on 7:47 pm
A 6 button jamma cab & Beast Sapp pachislo cab are also going to fine a home in the shed. The soundproofing/installation is to protect it from the cold in winter, however this has created a sweatbox the guards of guantanamo bay would be proud of.
@boffins: How did you know! Do you have a secret camera in there?
July 1st, 2009 on 8:15 pm
Sorry to side-note from your shed, Rex Everything, but it’s been a while since somebody made fun of Kotaku and I wanted everyone to be aware of this:
http://kotaku.com/5304338/kotakus-2009-summer-reading-list
I think I might actually try to purchase ‘Zelda and philosophy’ out of sheer bewilderment that it got published (it begs the question of who the intended audience is). There are some real treats on here.
I can’t believe somebody actually put aside a Sunday to pen a book based on Gears of War. They mist have had a special tool that burows deeper into the wood at the bottom of the barrel than ever before.
July 1st, 2009 on 9:16 pm
From the book list comments on kotaku
“I thought Ghosts of Oynx was the best Halo book”
Goodnight America.
BTW rex, most prisoners sadly don’t make mail bags, just other bits of stationery (folders etc) for the Prison Service.
“Ah, a box of new prisoner escort records, I trust these have been crafted by nonces?”
July 2nd, 2009 on 12:43 am
Clean that shit up and give the cab a little respek, man.
At least put in on the front lawn or in the porch. ffs
July 2nd, 2009 on 9:55 am
@Badben
‘I can’t do a thing with my shed beacuse I can’t get the bikes that have bound themselves together with the hosepipe out.’
I suggest you look up the story of the Gordian Knot…
July 2nd, 2009 on 11:22 am
Until there’s pictures of it switched on and working, I say that it’s at best a man with a broken Daytona machine in his shed, and more likely a man with a Daytona cabinet (with no inner workings) in his shed.
July 2nd, 2009 on 3:43 pm
It’s probably not even his shed.
July 2nd, 2009 on 4:45 pm
This update isn’t good enough to be used for 2 consecutive days, at least bring out some more dreamcast logo’s!
July 2nd, 2009 on 5:34 pm
@Rex Everything:
When you’re having a wank in the shed when the missus is out do you hold onto the cabinet’s steering wheel to steady yourself? I wondered since it seems likely that it would slip from your hand causing some kind of spunk-related accident, which you may want to share with us. Cheers.
July 2nd, 2009 on 9:30 pm
@Stuntcunt
I handcuff myself to it and wear a motorbike helmet to avoid concussion.
@Branch-me-do said
I would upload a picture of it working but I don’t care enough to prove you wrong.
July 2nd, 2009 on 9:33 pm
Not caring enough to prove people wrong wins Rex an extra sticker to put on his chart.