THE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE BOOK
This is the longest in-the-doing UKR update there’s ever been. The photos were taken and submitted by a reader in October of 2007, saved to a folder on the desktop in November of 2008 and finally uploaded to the internet on [PUT IN DATE HERE BEFORE UPLOADING UPDATE]. Quite a journey!
In that time we have:
1. Lost the original email
2. Lost the photo of the cover
3. Forgotten if there was a photo of the cover or not
So here it is. Some scans of the Sonic The Hedgehog Joke Book.
Also, several attempts at “doing” this update have ended in tragedy – the draft not appearing, forgetting to save it before closing the browser – it is almost as if this update is HAUNTED or in some way DOOMED.
That bottom one isn’t a joke, it’s more of an un-amusing fictional anecdote. Perhaps compiling this book is where Ricky Gervais cut his teeth?
Yet more proof that Sonic was never really targeted at an adult audience.
Eggs puns. It can’t get any worse than this.
More eggs puns. It can’t get any worse than this.
This has triggered a memory – the person that sent in the photos apologised on behalf of their young self for colouring in some of the drawings.
At least they didn’t go over the lines, and have shown good awareness of fish by attempting a nice rainbow effect on that pike.
This is grim.
There’s still lots to go.
Hopefully this “haunted update” will crash the server when we press “Publish”, therefore saving you all the misery of reading.
We’ve found the email – sent in by a Mr Jimmy Carr.
Goldfish haven’t got anything to do with Sonic.
We sympathise with the book’s creator. That duck joke is the final bit of writing of a broken man.
This is less fun than staring at Twitter.
Haven’t heard the “Quiche of life” one. That’s OK. That’s the highlight so far.
The horse joke is assuming too much knowledge of equine terminology.
Many apologies are in order to everyone.
filed in HISTORY on Dec.08, 2009
December 8th, 2009 on 12:18 pm
I had to stop after about three minutes, I was running an unacceptable risk of brain implosion. I’d already gouged out one of my eyes by then but I continued out of respect for Sonic. Like a fool.
I fully agree about the importance of fish awareness in the young by the way. My kids have a fish aclimatisation session once a week.
December 8th, 2009 on 12:50 pm
for the love of all that is holy, that tweet counter had best stay at 0.
December 8th, 2009 on 1:18 pm
I scrolled past most of it, stopping only to read Zorg’s thrilling prose, but I would like to know how Sonic’s effort in the first image constitutes a joke.
December 8th, 2009 on 2:15 pm
Maybe Sega have been trying to destroy the Sonic the Hedgehog brand for much longer than I thought?
December 8th, 2009 on 2:25 pm
TL;DR
December 8th, 2009 on 4:09 pm
Rainbow Pike blew my mind.
Bonus comment content: There is literally no interesting Google results for ‘Rainbow Pike’. There was almost a girl called Katie Rainbow Pike, but obviously between Googling indexing Facebook and this post, she realised how stupid that was, and changed it to Marie[1].
[1: en-gb.facebook.com/people/Katie-Rainbow-Pike/723732722]
December 8th, 2009 on 5:00 pm
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by UK:RESISTANCE, Mark Cope. Mark Cope said: RT @UKRESISTANCE THE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE BOOK http://bit.ly/5T8KVD //Oh good lord, the jokes, they hurt, they hurt! […]
December 8th, 2009 on 5:30 pm
I tried to read it all… Oh god, I tried. I’ll come back later to see if I can finish this torture. I’m actually a bit of a bad joke connoisseur, but these are so bad it’s testing even my hardened tolerance. The motorpike one is definitely being added to my repertoire, though.
December 8th, 2009 on 5:34 pm
If only Bob Monkhouse was still alive, he could steal these jokes too and put them in his colouring in book.
December 8th, 2009 on 5:37 pm
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by Vordus: RT @UKRESISTANCE THE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE BOOK http://bit.ly/5T8KVD //Oh good lord, the jokes, they hurt, they hurt!…
December 8th, 2009 on 5:52 pm
They did colour over the lines damnit!
December 8th, 2009 on 6:10 pm
Apology not accepted Zorg. This update obviously was trying to tell you something, maybe time-travelling ‘Butterfly Effect’ style to abort itself.
And yet, you persisted to deliver us this tripe. :'(
Do you hate us so?
December 8th, 2009 on 6:21 pm
After showing a seal outsmarting Sonic with that sock riddle, I’m guessing the author of this book is and has been missing for some time now..
December 8th, 2009 on 6:33 pm
These are far worse than the “do you want to touch my cold metal knob” gag I pulled on a female passenger I gave a lift to earlier.
December 8th, 2009 on 7:25 pm
I can’t quite beleive no one has mentioned this yet: http://nsfw.in/f6dca3
December 8th, 2009 on 7:25 pm
I think I had a friend who actually owned this book, back before either of us knew better.
It’s interesting to see the actual pages again, since I’m now so used to seeing the much, much funnier edits that get passed around certain websites. Here’s an example of one of the less profanity filled ones.
December 8th, 2009 on 11:41 pm
Best update ever. My Christmas is sorted. If only celebrated it. If anyone is foolish enough to invite me to a dinner I shall hit them with “What’s wrong with these eggs?” “I don’t know, I only laid the table.”
I think I’m only going to comment on this post until the end of the year. It’s so dense and full of material it will take a while to unravel all its secrets.
Sonic looks like such a cunt saying “Long time no sea” to the dead fish.
December 9th, 2009 on 4:36 am
I laughed out loud at the dead fish one. Being a veggie I feel a bit guilty now but you can’t really argue with material of that calibre.
December 9th, 2009 on 12:46 pm
I’ve still got this book, sadly, along with an myriad of other Sonic themed tat that I probably should give to children. Or sell to people on the internet.
I’m not going to, though.
Maybe the jokes could be useful when attempting to start conversations with ladies?
December 9th, 2009 on 12:57 pm
First comment and I use “an” instead of “a”. Fuck’s sake.
December 9th, 2009 on 9:28 pm
– Buttercups are yellow, Poppies are red – What colour are hiccups?
– Colourless.
– What did the sea say to the sand?
– Nothing – it cannot speak and the sand cannot hear.
– What can run but cannot walk?
– A man who has started running downhill but cannot stop because it is too steep.
– When is a myriad not a myriad?
– When it’s an myriad.
December 9th, 2009 on 9:55 pm
Oooh, those are good. Allow me to add a few of my favourites:
Person 1. My dog has no nose.
Person 2. Your dog has no nose? How does it smell?
Person 1. It can’t as it has no nose, are you making fun of my dog’s disfiguring disability?
Two Goldfish in a bowl. One asks the other, how do you drive this thing?
Q. What’s the difference between a duck
A. One of it’s legs are both the same.
Man goes into a chip shop and asks for a bag of chips
Shop owner asks “Salt & Vinegar?”
“No thanks,” the man says, “I’ve got me bike outside”
December 10th, 2009 on 12:00 am
I’ve heard a similar one to that last one. Although I think yours is better. It goes –
Dr. Robotnik goes into a chip shop located somewhere in the Green Hill Zone and asks for a bag of Badnik brand chips.
Knuckles the new owner, who recently moved from the Casino Night Zone, asks “Salt & Vinegar?”
“No thanks,” says the man, (who is also known as Dr. Robotnik, and the less respectful ‘Dr. Eggman’ in certain regions), “I’ve got me bike outside, which, incidentally, is parked outside in the Green Hill Zone.” Then they fight each other.
December 10th, 2009 on 12:02 am
‘First comment and I use “an” instead of “a”.’
It’s worse than that, you also mis-used myriad.
I’ve been peering at these scans on my phone, trying to read the jokes. I can’t manage to read many. I think that’s a good thing, but on the other hand MTGG is comedy gold! I shall have to look at it on a proper computer.
December 10th, 2009 on 9:33 am
Ohhhh that Sonic, he is a laugh riot.
I might have to use some of those gems the next time someone agrees to talk to me again. Real life people still like jokes… right?
December 10th, 2009 on 11:34 am
Oh dear, looks like I’ll need to proof read my next poor attempt at a witty comment even more times, with a dictionary on hand. Thanks for pointing it out though, Mister Moth, I’ll try and do better. :(
December 10th, 2009 on 12:19 pm
Dropping in a “myriad” always sorts the men from the boys.
December 12th, 2009 on 12:32 am
I always found the long pointless jokes the best. At least for me, anyhoo. HammerMan joke, anyone? And Porky Pig is a right cunt, not showing that old bird (hurr) across the road. Also, I like the fact that all of Knuckles’ jokes could be applied to anyone. He was never funny and he was never cool. Go die, Knuckles