EMERGENCY WEEKEND UPDATE: YOU CAN “EVEN RIDE BANANAS”
You can even ride bananas. You can EVEN ride bananas. You can even ride BANANAS. Don’t bother waiting for the irony to start – IT NEVER DOES.
No one mentions that you can “be the man from Shenmue”.
filed in ACTUAL GAMES, RUBBISH YOUTUBE-BASED UPDATES, SEGA IN THE MODERN AGE on Jan.30, 2010
January 30th, 2010 on 8:22 pm
As appealing as AIDS delivered anally.
January 30th, 2010 on 9:49 pm
Oh my Christ.
I wasn’t going to post, to keep up the illusion that I have better things to be doing during the weekends (i.e. the same reason UK:R doesn’t usually get updated at the weekends) but I felt compelled to register my . . . I’m not sure how I feel. A stronger word than bemused. Befumked.
I don’t understand, who is this aimed at or why it exists! =( My befumkedness is turning into desolation.
I’m still only 1 minute in. I have to keep pausing or I’d grimace to death.
You couldn’t have chosen a better way to break no weekend update rule.
Game itself looks okay/good. I wonder what Sumo thought when they saw this.
“WEHN, SUPERHORN!”
January 30th, 2010 on 9:57 pm
No one mentions that because you can “be the man from Shenmue” only on XBox 360 version…
January 30th, 2010 on 10:17 pm
Judging by the guy in the jacket, I think she’s in the wrong place if she’s got the Superhorn
January 30th, 2010 on 10:39 pm
I wish my mates were passive, non-jealous and completely mute like Alex’s are. It’s the next best thing to being alone with Jen and her turn-ups. Missile time indeed you dirty dog! Raargh!
January 31st, 2010 on 12:08 am
Where’s the ebola virus when you need it most ?
January 31st, 2010 on 12:20 am
Jen’s got the super horn, likes to ride bananas and plays video games?
She would be a definite “would”, except she’s just an actress and therefore none of the above is true. The fantasy is further ruined because she’s playing on the Wii.
January 31st, 2010 on 1:17 am
‘Rated E for everyone’… I think that needs a bit of a rethink, based on the people in the video. I think I’d have used the weeieimote thing to virtually (Ok, actually) beat those two around the head, and possibly the others too, due to guilt by proximity, before somehow headbutting myself to death out of shame for being in the same room as them. So maybe not for everyone… saying that, if the room isn’t filled with complete retards it looks like it could be fun. But then, why don’t I just play Mariokart and be done with it?
OOOHH! And they have SHORT CUTS!! That’s NEVER been done before! Like EVAAAAAR!
Cunts
January 31st, 2010 on 3:26 am
proof that the wii is for women and lisping faggots.
January 31st, 2010 on 7:27 am
I don’t wish to alarm anyone, but I believe the gentleman in this video may be just a little bit gay.
January 31st, 2010 on 7:49 am
“The racing game with attitude.”
“You can ride bananas!”
“The racing game with attitude.”
“You can ride bananas!”
“The racing game with attitude.”
“You can ride bananas!”
January 31st, 2010 on 11:17 am
“Over 20 manic tracks that will push you right to the edge”
Push me over the edge? I’m already so far over the edge I’m hanging in mid air like Wile E Coyote holding a sign saying “Fuck!”
The guy to the far left seems thankfully quiet – though I imagine that’s the result of horrific sexual abuse from the two twats in the centre…
January 31st, 2010 on 3:07 pm
Look at her teeth. The most obnoxious, overly large, ridiculously perfect ‘fixed professionally’ American teeth. Every time she smiles to reveal them (which she does frequently as they cost so much) I fear she’s going to gnaw through something. If you could somehow swing her around by the ankles she could take down a mighty oak with them.
And the shimmering earnestness of it all. “LIKE, OMG? WE’RE LIKE, PLAYING GAMES OR SOMETHING? HOW RAD IS THAT?”
January 31st, 2010 on 4:13 pm
Who the fuck are Alex and Jen? They make me want to crawl through my monitor screen with a claw hammer (a common response to viewing a Wii advert). Stop trying to get healthy, normal looking people into games Nintendo or I’ll have to find a new hobby. At this rate games will be like sport or going to pub and I’ll have to concede that they’re not for me anymore.
I eagerly await the UK version starring Ant and Dec (I’ll need two claw hammers for that pair of twats).
January 31st, 2010 on 6:01 pm
Eurgh!
Eurghhhh. Oh. God, no.
Oh, nonono. I thought this was going to be good, but…
Awwww no.
Just his voice makes me feel dirty (and not in a good way)and sick to the pit of my stomach – it’s all just so repellent.
I feel ill.
To be honest though, it wasn’t looking good from the moment they felt they had to warn the viewer there was “comic mischief” and “Mild suggestive themes”, started getting angry at that.
Then they said it was “rated E for everyone” which annoyed me as I want it to be for us not every fecker out there with no taste.
Then Sega logo came onscreen and felt slightly better, but with trepidation due to a) fear of game being bad and b) everyone’s horrified comments already
“Hey, I’m Alex and this is Jen. Hey there”
Barely 10 seconds in and I want to be sick. Or violent. Or maybe violently sick over Alex and Jen. Hopefully somewhere it would hurt them, like their eyes. They’re hurting my eyes (and ears), after all.
15 seconds: “The racing game with attitude.”
Boik.
20 seconds: “Even ride bananas!”
Yup, I bet she’s ridden a banana or two in her time.
(The disturbingly graphic sexual imagery in my mind distracts me for a second or so, which fortunately blots out the pain caused by their voices.)
30 seconds: they’re showing off their hand-crafted ‘mii’. 2 thoughts occur; One is “Is that the best you can do, or just the best the wii can do? That’s shit, that is.”, the second is “That looks shit, bland, lifeless and interchangeable with pretty much any other corporately created piece of shit. Actually quite accurate, then.”
42 secs: “So, are you ready to cry like a little girl?”
Blatent attempt at creating sexual imagery in viwers mind might have worked the second time around, were it not spoken by such an complete and utter twat. One who I suspect is more likely to be the one who cries like a girl. Especially with that hair. (Is that ‘scene’ hair? I’ve seen that berated on the internet already so I’ll assume that’s what people mean when they talk about ‘scene hair’ being worse than ’emo hair’)
45 secs: “Bring. It. On.” Just how BIG are her teeth? is she deliberately doing that to make them bigger or is it some kind of special camera effect?
50-54 secs: Watch his arms/hands – is that actually how you play a racing game on a wii? I honestly don’t know, not having tried, but it looks bloody odd and unnatural to me.
Can’t watch any more. Feeling sick with rage. I’m assuming it doesn’t get better at any point but I’m going out of my mind at the thought of it somehow getting worse. It couldn’t obviously, I’d have to somehow set the mental baseline I use to judge things against even lower than it is and I don’t think that’s even possible.
It can’t get worse, can it? Not without involving Jeanette Krankie and coprophilia, surely?
This surely calls for a re-definition of the word “ghastly” in the OED? (previously occupied by the concept of there being a Vanessa Feltz/Chuckle Brothers sextape)
In short.
January 31st, 2010 on 8:28 pm
“Each character has their own sweet ride”.
:( is the best I can manage.
January 31st, 2010 on 9:57 pm
Life would be boring if there wasn’t the occasional dollop of shit for us all to buzz around I suppose.
That’s high level philosophy that is.
February 1st, 2010 on 9:16 am
They’re using the Wii wheel…
…and we all know that only cunts use the Wii wheel because it’s utter shite to use.
February 1st, 2010 on 10:53 am
That is fucking devastating.
February 1st, 2010 on 12:24 pm
“What’s so exciting is that you never know who’s going to win. Even when you’re down, you’re not out!”
Translation: SHIT RANDOM PERSECUTION OF SKILLED GAMERS REMOVES ALL INCENTIVES TO LEARN THE GAME. OR EVEN PLAY THE GAME.
Not for me thanks, but I’ll gladly help the guy who wants to step through the screen with a claw hammer. I’ll bring my pliers for variety.
February 1st, 2010 on 12:33 pm
SBS = Sodding Blue Shell. Even worse than allowing ‘catchup’ for crap players. Obviously, they’ve decided these are good things, for some reason
February 1st, 2010 on 12:40 pm
That was the most awesome radical vid I’ve seen on the net in like, for-evar. It would be totally tubular if Jen would rub those giant horse teeth of hers along the shaft of my penis. I’d promise to cry like a little girl since she seems into that sort of shit. Bring it ON.
February 1st, 2010 on 11:48 pm
This could only be worse if Ant & Dec were there trying to come off as salt of the earth lads who have ‘sort of come around to computer games that aren’t Fifa ‘cos the graffix are well good on some of the Playstation ones’.
February 1st, 2010 on 11:53 pm
Oh yeah this also just looks like a shit Mariokart, which has to be the obvious criticism. I doubt very much they’ve improved upon the flagship multiplayer formula Nintendo has been perfecting for generations and which…actually, Mariokart has been getting progressively worse since the SNES one.
Sorry for blaspheming. I’ll atone by saying 2000 Hail Cream the Rabbits with my rosary golden rings.
February 2nd, 2010 on 12:32 am
I wonder if they think kids think fags are hip and cool and a comforting presence.
February 2nd, 2010 on 11:30 am
I could be wrong here but I think the use of the word ‘fag’ is now generally frowned upon; I think the accepted term these days is ‘Puddle-jumper‘
February 3rd, 2010 on 9:37 am
The racing game with ‘addichewed’?
WUT?
February 6th, 2010 on 12:59 am
Jen gives me the Superhorn.