SOMETHING ABOUT THAT ALTON TOWERS AND SEGA THING THEN
Honestly the FUSS there’s been over this Sonic/Alton Towers thing. We’ve been getting three emails a day about it, but have been BRAVELY holding off mentioning it until some sort of official photography is released.
And here it is, sort of, at a very low resolution.
We asked for this artwork and photos via official channels using polite, proper language, but were told the ride was still under development so they had no official photographs…
Apart from THESE ONES, then? What are these photos? UNOFFICIAL paparazzi shots? We would REALLY LIKE this picture at a huge resolution. Please, can somebody with an important-sounding email address get it for us?
We have a joke raring to go about Sonic finding employment in the painting and decorating industry.
We’re working on an additional joke to go with this photo, which will possibly be based around Sonic padding out his CV by doing some voluntary work in the community, or perhaps that he doesn’t need overalls because it doesn’t matter if he gets blue paint on himself.
filed in "NEWS", SEGA IN THE MODERN AGE on Jan.26, 2010
January 26th, 2010 on 10:23 am
Next: Nintendo Wii to become official videogame partner of Coronation Street.
January 26th, 2010 on 12:20 pm
That rollercoaster already exists and is called something like Spinball Wizard. Maybe they’ll make it so you get to pause and build up speed before launching yourself onward. Maybe it’ll just be the same but with a cardboard cutout of Sonic at the end of the queue.
I used to work as a temp staff waiter at the Alton Towers hotel. One day I served drinks to a man who I was later informed was Des Barnes from Coronation Street. I was also groped by a fat scotch man.
Hope you liked my story.
January 26th, 2010 on 12:27 pm
I worked in the cafe at Jamaica Inn for one day, then quit. Nothing funny happened, I just did lots of washing up.
January 26th, 2010 on 12:56 pm
“I’ve had enough of this, man. This ain’t the life I want to lead, y’dig? I was born free, I don’t have to take this slavery! I’ll show you, I’ll set up a blog about Sega. I’m out of here, ready to live the rest of mah life.”
While Becky, the possibly retarded girl that dried the dishes looked on impassively.
January 26th, 2010 on 12:56 pm
I went to Alton towers.
Twice in fact.
And lived near there for a while, during which time I never went there.
Right, that’s set the bar even lower, has anyone else got an even less impressive Alton Towers related story?
Oh, almost forgot, some friends went there once while one of them had their leg in a cast and was in a wheelchair – they got to go to the front of every queue and stay on each ride for as many goes as they liked.
Whilst I’m aware this extra snippet of info possibly raises the interestingness factor of my reply, bringing an almost consumer-advice aspect to it all, I think it’s still well below the others and still gives a sufficient challenge to beat.
I think some rules may need to be applied from the start however – “I’ve never been to Alton towers” shouldn’t count. I think “Went once and it rained/was shut” is about as low as the bar could conceivably be set.
January 26th, 2010 on 1:13 pm
You cleverly pre-empted my witty “I’ve never been to Alton Towers” reply. Touché.
January 26th, 2010 on 1:44 pm
I’ve been to Alton Towers twice. The first time was with my school after finishing GCSEs. There were lots of girls on this trip, but none of them spoke to me.
On my second trip I had a large KFC popcorn chicken, but they rip you off with smaller boxes at Alton Towers so I was still hungry.
One day I might go there again.
January 26th, 2010 on 2:00 pm
I went for the second time a few months ago. Got my face (not literally) ripped to shreds on Rita as it was raining what felt like shards of glass, so ducked and pulled a muscle in my shoulder.
Are they seriously just ‘Sonic-ing’ up Spinball Whizzer?Path of least resistance i suppose, it’s already blue and red, has ‘Spinball’ in the name, and is a lot less fun than you hope.
Much like Sonic games of late.
January 26th, 2010 on 2:36 pm
Since I live in the USA I never been to Alton Towers but it does look very festive. Kind of like a bootleg Six Flags Great Adventure. I do find it funny however that Sega has only one business plan that they cling to almost fantatically.
“WHORE OUT SONIC”
I wonder if in the Sega employee training manual it says to always under any circumstances whore out Sonic. It doesn’t matter how low the price, doesn’t matter how unnecessary, or embarrasing just whore the bastard out and rack in the pennies.
Good job Sega……billions of dollars in intellectual property and you continue to beat a dead hedgehog.
January 26th, 2010 on 2:36 pm
If recent 3D Sonic games are anything to go by, hundreds of people are going to get slaughtered by smashing into pieces of scenery at high speeds.
January 26th, 2010 on 3:01 pm
I went to Alton Towers a few years ago on a summer works outing, hired a minibus and everything. I really thought I’d be able to cop off with this girl I fancied at the time but she started to go all mummsy and boss everyone who’ll listen about meeting points, lunch times and which order the rides should be done.
Work “friends” always turn when they’re outside and should never be trusted, especially when they start talking about they’re neighbours…who…you know…are not from the area.
Did that washing up girl Becky ever put out? A bit like Forrest Gump?
In regards to Sonic at Alton Towers, I only hope he’s been given a half-decent caravan somewhere in the area to rest his world-weary spiky head and wash his little red boots at night after a long days whoring.
January 26th, 2010 on 3:13 pm
Forrest Gump put out? I must have missed that scene (thank god)
Or was that in a different film?
January 26th, 2010 on 3:40 pm
I went to Alton Towers back in 2000 (the last year of school) on the flimsy premise that we we’re meant ask people how far they had come to visit and then draw a graph from our results for our Geography coursework. I asked no-one, make a bunch of shit up and still got a B. Anyway, me and my friends decided to go on lots of shit rides instead of just one good ride and we thought we’d go on this one that was obviously for little kids called “Toyland Tours” for a laugh. Little did I know it had a Sonic the Hedgehog section that was playing pre-1994 Sonic games on TV screens everywhere. It was a highlight of my day and you lot would have liked it. Well, maybe not… I found a video on youtube and it turns out it was actually pretty shit (skip to 2:42 in)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEdoaX_FC9w
Oh well.
January 26th, 2010 on 3:52 pm
He’s not that smart but he knows where to put his lovestick…that scene where Jenny comes into his room when she’s staying at his home.
He didn’t just get his tops and 2 fingers that night I can tell you.
January 26th, 2010 on 6:56 pm
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January 26th, 2010 on 7:30 pm
My first trip to Alton Towers involved Val Doonican and a ride on the log flume which ended in tears. I’m never keen to return.
January 26th, 2010 on 11:54 pm
I went to Alton Towers in 2003 for some bloke’s stag party, the day after going out drinking in Stafford. It was horrible. Two hours sat on a bus stuck in traffic, and then I got out and vomitted into a bush in front of twenty French tourists. And all of Alton Towers seemed to be filled with people wearing ice hockey shirts. Has it changed much?
January 27th, 2010 on 12:13 am
Ive gone to Alton Towers every year for the last 4 years. I keep telling myself its because its fun and half price tickets are a bargin.
I also keep returning from my trips to cut myself, write poems about the day and cry.
January 27th, 2010 on 9:00 am
I’ve been to Alton Towers. It was many years ago. Me and a mate were looking for a place to have a crafty spliff or two and we settled on the park below the cable cars. Some chavs on the cable car spotted us and screamed and bawled that we ‘doing drugs’ for about 15 minutes until they were out of sight. My friend and I felt threatened.
January 27th, 2010 on 9:18 am
All these Alton Towers stories are far too interesting. I think so far only Bulk Slash has approached anywhere near the level of tedium I was expecting.
January 27th, 2010 on 12:58 pm
Wait till I tell you the story about queueing for Big Thunder Mountain at EuroDisney.
January 27th, 2010 on 2:15 pm
Oh and also my co-waiter got incredibly stoned on his ‘cigarette’ break and had to follow me around the bar for fifteen minutes before he could walk unaided and speak again.
Also I once helped out on a trip to The American Adventure for a group of kids with learning and behavioural difficulties. We put one in a wheelchair and did the jumping-the-queue trick. She was very good and didn’t move her legs the whole day.
Nothing remarkable happened, though.
Oh there was the time when my ‘friend’ got off with my cheating cow of a girlfriend at the 1990 Gateshead Garden Festival. That was exciting.
January 29th, 2010 on 8:20 pm
I’ve never been to Alton Towers… oh… that doesn’t count, does it? Shit. Oh well.
I did get a talking to at Eurodisney for stealing Cap’n Hook’s sword and kicking him in the bum though. Kids can be cunts, eh?