YOU MAY ALSO LIKE SNOW WHITE AND ROBOCOP
Mainstream catalogue retailer Marshall Ward is knocking out this painful piece of mid-1990s-style costumery, for the benefit of grown men with emotional issues for whom Sonic is an escape pod back through time to when it was mum that had to worry about paying the mortgage. This was found by popular late-2000s casual UKR labourer “Phorenzik”. We’re not suggesting he’s that target buyer.
The padded hands are admittedly a masterstroke that give it an extra edge of realism, but nothing else works on any level – not even on the unseen ultraviolet and infrared levels.
It is unsurprisingly (a) still in stock, and (b) made out of polyester.
It has to be made out of polyester, because cotton is too thick and heavy for the speeds Sonic runs at!!!
Marshal Ward thinks buyers may also like Snow White and Robocop, and to be fair, we’ve just briefly had a go at imagining having sex with Snow White while dressed as Robocop and it actually works as a scenario*.
See? There’s easy penis access there between the leg plates, so you wouldn’t have to worry about going flaccid while Snow White’s trying to fight you off.
ROBOCOP/SNOW WHITE POSSIBLE SEX SCENARIO:
You went to a fancy dress party as Robocop, then you and Snow White started chatting and laughing at the retard who came as Sonic and has been sitting there on his own for the last two hours not saying anything to anyone. Then you managed to get her to lose count of how much she had to drink and carried her to the toilet when she thought she was going to be sick but then she WASN’T sick and brief sex happened.
Then she asked you what you name was afterwards, and you looked at her, then triumphantly said “MURPHY!”. But then, the next day, you realised you should’ve given her your real name or your mobile phone number, as there’s no way she’ll be able to contact you and her friends won’t remember there even being anyone called “Murphy” at the party. So you’ll die alone.
filed in OFF THE INTERNET, SEGA IN THE MODERN AGE on Jan.18, 2010
January 18th, 2010 on 10:50 am
Seen the awful robocop one before somewhere. Not seen the Sonic one before, I’m undecided as to whether you’d be better off turning up at a fancy dress party in the Sonic ‘jamas instead.
January 18th, 2010 on 12:44 pm
On the other hand, telling her your name is Murphy might be a good idea. What if she decides to tell the police about the strange man who plied her with drinks until she passed out in the toilets? And that when she got home she realised her knickers had been stolen?
By blaming Murphy, the police will spend the next 6 months trying to get Robocop extradited from the US for DNA tests before finding out he doesn’t even have a penis after Clarence Boddicker shot it off.
January 18th, 2010 on 5:15 pm
I like the way the Robocop costume has Robocop written on it, so that dozy bitches unfamiliar with Paul Verhoeven’s masterpiece don’t keep asking you if you’re supposed to be a Power Ranger.
That Sonic costume could do with coming equipped with a fire shield. You don’t want to be wearing polyester when you accidentally run into a flame thrower or something. If that happens, no amount of gold rings are going to save you. I can picture that guy humming the losing a life theme in his head while he quickly burns to a cinder.
January 18th, 2010 on 8:42 pm
It appears sir dresses to the left…
January 18th, 2010 on 10:06 pm
Billy Zane and a walking dildo.
January 18th, 2010 on 11:22 pm
I nearly DIED reading that sex scenario.
I choked on my custard cream and I had to spit it out. Damn you.
Damn you all to hell.
“Murphy” *smiles, then keeps walking*
January 18th, 2010 on 11:26 pm
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by UK:RESISTANCE, Paul Sculthorpe. Paul Sculthorpe said: Another reason why UK:Resistance and Gary Cutlack are the best things ever. http://bit.ly/8h7rNh […]
January 18th, 2010 on 11:48 pm
The eyes. THE EYES. The eyes on that Sonic costume are the last thing you’ll ever see as the last spadeful of soil covers your face.
In related news, we have made a powerful ally today:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20100118/tc_afp/venezuelainternetvideogamessonychavez
January 19th, 2010 on 4:07 am
That’s not proper Sonic, it has buckles on its shoes. Real Sonic doesn’t need buckles on his shoes because Dr. Ivo Kintobor custom build his shoes so that he could run even faster than before. No need for adjustments such as tightening buckles.
This information comes from Sonic the Comic which was around in the mid 90’s in East 17-era Britain. I’ve got the original copy somewhere, locked in a plastic case, because IT’S MY BIBLE.
I wonder if girls are attracted by Sonic lore? I also know stuff about the story behind the Sonic story. Maybe that would impress them? Honestly, I think pointing out the shoes thing should be enough.
Whatever happened to ‘Employee of the Month’?
January 19th, 2010 on 7:30 am
[…] UK:R] […]
January 20th, 2010 on 12:18 am
ROBOCOP LOOKS LIKE NEIL BUCHANAN FROM ART ATTACK!
Sadly, the Google suggestometer offers “neil buchan” as you’re typing his name in.
What has become of the youth of yesteryear?
January 27th, 2010 on 7:09 am
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January 29th, 2010 on 8:44 pm
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